Celebrities who kinda frighten me, if I had to meet them.

Gordon Ramsay

He seems like the nicest guy in the world, provided you do exactly as he says.  But disagree with him,  like on Kitchen Nightmares or Hell’s kitchen, and he just goes ape-shit.

One of these days he’s going to lose it.   Or he’ll push someone too far, and they’ll lose it.

Either way, someone’s gonna get hurt.  I just don’t want to be around when it happens.

Madonna
I have visions of her doing something “shocking” in front of me,  just to prove some kind of point, like she always does.  It would start off uncomfortable, and then just become annoying.

Jaymie Hyneman (from The Mythbusters)
I bet you he’s okay.   I could probably have a beer or two with him.  He’s the quiet, silent type who never seems to lose his temper.  But I wouldn’t want to find out what it’s like when he does.  He’s an expert in explosives and firearms and God knows what else.   You just wouldn’t want to piss this guy off.

Tom Cruise
He might bore me to tears, trying to convert me to Scientology.    Or I might injure myself from laughing at him so hard, just because he’s Tom Cruise.

Queen Elizabeth II
She’s be so formal and stuffy.   And knowing me, I’d start snickering and break out into a giggle fit.   And then it would be “Off with his HEAD!

John Lennon (hypothetically, if he was still alive)
Don’t get me wrong.  I love his music.  But if I had ever met him and we started talking, I think he’d get political on me, and it would end up in a big yelling match.  And it would not be pretty.

Tony Robbins
Because I think he’s part giant and he might try to eat me.

Jessica Simpson
Poor gal.  Her head isn’t too full.   If she opened her mouth to speak, it would cause an explosive drop of air pressure in the room,  and I’d risk rupturing my eardrums.

Donald Trump
That furry thing on his head might break loose, and try to attack me.

Céline Dion
Only because she might start SINGING  (shudder).

Oprah
First of all, this woman has way, WAY TOO MUCH power and influence on our society…for someone who’s just a talk show host.

(Do you hear that, ladies…?   She’s JUST A TALK SHOW HOST!)

Now, before all you Oprah-ciples  show up at my front door with pitchforks and torches, yes, yes, yes…I know!   You don’t have to tell me.   I realize Oprah does a lot of good with all the money she has.

But what if she crossed over to the DARK SIDE?  What is she used all her powers for EVIL?   It could happen any time…don’t’ they say power corrupts?

Geez, I could look at her the wrong way, she’d move her hands, and try to vaporize me into atoms with lightning bolts.   Just like the Emperor tried to do to Luke Skywalker on the Return of the Jedi.

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43 Comments on “Celebrities who kinda frighten me, if I had to meet them.”

  1. BrettHead Says:

    The horndog ape in me says you are totally whacked to not want to meet Jessica Simpson. But otherwise, I’d say you made a pretty damn good list!

  2. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Wee Friar,

    Joan Rivers, Ugh! I was channel surfing on the weekend and for the first time ever, I watched Celebrity Apprentice. My impression was that she’s a shallow, vicious, self-absorbed, insensitive person. Imagine calling her oponent “a Hitler” on National TV.

    Yes, she would frighten me in more ways than one, and not just because of her stragely slanted eyes and stretched face.

    Re. Gordon Ramsay, I watched him interviewd by Charlie Rose on TV. Gordon is quite a pleasant family man with two children. He’s physically fit and runs every day. His TV persona is just a big act.

  3. Peter Says:

    Jamie Hyneman is a douchebag.

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    If you poked Joan Rivers with a pin, her head would pop, that lift is so tight 🙂

    Hmm.

    Who frightens me? Well, I have two, but the fear is in a good way.

    Sean Connery and Clint Eastwood – you know, when “men were men”. Those dudes are almost twice my age and I think either of them could still kick my butt.

    There are many examples of men like that, of course, I just picked two.

    Modern day equivalents might be guys like Russell Crowe. The guy is the same age as me, but I sure look like a baby-face compared with him. Must be the Aussie factor…

  5. Eyeteaguy Says:

    What about Brittney? You never know when she’s gonna pop off and club you with an umbrella.

    And as for Hyneman being a douchebag. He needs to be. He runs a shop. I was a young apprentice once (not a Jedi, a mechanic) and both my journeymen had the same foible. BUT, they were right. You need to follow instructions, you need to have their shop set up like they want it. They own it, they run it, they are responsible for it.

    The fact that Jaymie was so calm about it is a tribute to the guy. I’d have fire the cameraman on the spot.

    Its like the good old days when managers had secretaries. They had to make sure there was a full pen, paper and a calulator ready at hand for them.

    Old school? Yes, but it works. We just call them Blackberry’s now.

    Eyeteaguy

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    I’d rather have the old school back. If you have a secretary (or administrative professional, today) who knows what’s going on, you just say, “where is file X?” and it magically appears.

    Blackberry doesn’t do that.

    Blackberry is also a lousy office companion. You can talk to Blackberry all day long, and all she does is flash and beep at you.

    Bring back the old school. A drink cart in the corner of my office, and a humidor on the desk.

    Walther PPK in my coat pocket…

  7. XUP Says:

    When you get right down to it John Lennon was an idealistic puppy. You couldn’t have argued with him because his politics were all love and peace without any substance on which to anchor an argument. And speaking of idealistic puppies, if you think Oprah does a lot of good with her money, I think you still have at least one pair of rose-coloured glasses left to remove. Oprah truly is the scariest thing on the planet today.


  8. An excellent list, although I’d add two more: Gary Busey and Courtney Love (shudder).

  9. Friar Says:

    @Bretthead
    Well, maybe if Jessica just kept her mouth shut..and didn’t say anything, it would be okay. 😉

    @Friar’s Mom
    I don’t think there’s anything left of Joan River’s original body. It’s all been replaced sevearal times over. She’s a walking Skeletor.

    Gord Ramsay still scares me. You don’t get that good at yelling and swearing at people, if it’s just an act.

    @Peter
    Interesting link you found. What posessed you to Google “Jamie” + “Douchebag”?

    @Brett
    Yeah, Clint and Connery are crusty wiry old men, I don’t think they’ put up with any crap. (Sean Connery used to be a body builder before he became big).

    @Eyeteaguy
    Hyenman’s looks to be quite a smart dude. His comments about the missing sharpies and paper towels is so over-the-top, I can’t picture him being that clueless. I wonder if he was doing this deliberately for the camera.

    @Brett
    I’d love to have an old-school SECRETARY, like Money-Penny. (Always had a crush on her).

    @XUP
    Have you seen the movie “Imagine”? There was a scene where John and Yoko were lying in bed, holding court. John got into a big debate with Al Capp (the cartoonist for L’il Abner, of all things).

    Gawd,listening to John go on and on…it was almost a yelling match. Drove me nuts. I admire Al Capp for not smacking Lennon upside the head!

    As for Oprah..oh, come on. Didn’t she buy all those people a new car? 😉

  10. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Madonna and Gordon Ramsay would be top of my “How cool would that dinner party be?” list. I’d love to meet them.

    Everybody else, agreed, you can toss ’em. 🙂

    Regards,

    Kelly

  11. Friar Says:

    @Rebecca
    My last pleasant memory of Gary Busey was when he played Buddy Holly in “The Buddy Holly Story”. (But that was like 25 years ago).

    As for Courntey. (Shudder). The name of her band (Hole) seems quite appropriate.

    @Kelly
    Madonna jumped the proverbial shark for me, in her movie “Truth or Dare”. Where they showed concert footage of her. A bed an stage..and her pretending to do…(er) nasty THINGS to herself.

    With her parents in the audience, no less.

    What a class act..that was! 😉

    Wouldnt’ say I wouldn’t want to meet Gordon Ramsay, though…just that I’m a bit scared of him.

    (Maybe so long as I never had to invite him into my kitchen!)

  12. XUP Says:

    Okay Lennon was annoying, but I can’t get into an argument with anyone who argues like that. And no, Oprah doesn’t buy anyone anything. Corporations donate zillions of dollars worth of shit for her to give away because it’s the equivalent of kajillions of dollars in advertising for the Big O to mention their sad little corporation on TV. Almost all the altruistic crap she seems to do is financed in ways not related to her personal vault full of money. You don’t get to be a billionaire by flying on your private jet to Africa with your entourage and documentary team and personal chef, trainer and stylist to hand out little plastic black baby dolls to starving African girls (to hell with the boys) and capturing the entire heart-wrenching episode on film so you can sell it to the network

  13. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    I’m just alarmed at how blindly people listen to her. Someone could write a book on the History of Belly Button Lint. All it would take is for Oprah to endorse it, and BAM! It’s a best seller.

    And I think it’s a bit dangerous, how she’s pushing that new-age crap (The Secret) and people are buying it, because Oprah says so.

    All this, from a woman who couldn’t pump her own gas.

  14. Kyddryn Says:

    Yet another reason I’m not allowed in the Girl Club (and proof that I really did fail Girl 101) – I loathe Oprah entirely. I can’t bear to hear her voice, let alone see her face, and I won’t have anything to do with products, services, or fad diets that she touts because I’m filled with an overwhelming antipathy for her and everything she touches.

    Not that I feel strongly about her or anything.

    Celine Dion should be muzzled. And for God’s sake, someone give her a pork chop before a light breeze turns her into an allegedly musical tumbleweed.

    Gordon Ramsey is fun to watch…kind of like film of a tornado that looks really amazing but you’re glad you’re not in the path. I do wish they wouldn’t show footage of him changing in the back room or whatever – saggy man-boobs and food don’t mix.

    I couldn’t meet Donald Trump – I’d have your Queen Elizabeth giggling fit in front of him, probably shout something like “I’ll save you, Donald!” and snatch that thing off his head before it devours his face. Or I’d tazer it in self defense. Either way, he would be pissed and probably buy my house and turn it into a giant replica of his head or something.

    Yeah, I’m in a good mood. Whee. I may be embracing the crazy a wee harder than usual today.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  15. Patricia Says:

    I really want to meet Meryl Streep but if I did I think I might not be able to say anything, that would make me afraid.

    Oprah would not be so bad but you would have to listen carefully to get a word in or two..

    I think I would worry about striking or hitting Anne Hathaway for ruining so many good movies. She is the same in everything even with Julie Andrews attempting to assist her in a comedy – yuck

  16. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Without playing off your list… Want to meet: Keanu Reeves, Kevin Parent, Stephen Fry. For different reasons.

    Would scare me if I met: Eminem, Kid Rock, Pamela Anderson. For the same reasons.

    Patricia,

    Meeting Meryl Streep would be awesome!

    Until later,

    Kelly

  17. Donald Mills Says:

    An excellent list young Friar and I would add only one more (and i notice kyddryn has mentioned him too):

    Donald Trump – blow hards with hair that resembles a particularly ill calico cat must be avoided at all costs. I’d like to fire him from a cannon. (Actually, I’d like to point the cannon at Rosie O’ Donnell and take them both out at the same time)

    All the best

    Don

  18. Kyddryn Says:

    Also, re: Joan Rivers? SHe’s had her face lifted so many times she now blinks her vag…er…girl parts.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (still crazy…)

  19. Friar Says:

    @Kyydryn
    I’m shocked! 😮 Totally shocked (and delighted) to find that at least TWO LADIES (yourself and XUP) agree that Oprah’s poo doesn’t necessarily smell like oven-fresh cinnamon buns.

    You can get burned at the stake, for saying that in some states. But don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me.

    @Patricia
    I think in real life, Merryl Streep would be a quiet little mouse. She doesn’t scare me so much, as bore me.

    @Donald
    Good point about furry-headed blowhards.

    I was actually delighted when Donald and Rosie started to feud…I think they deserve each other.

    And the more they fight, the better the chance is that they take each other out of the gene pool.

    I think Rosie could take Donald out, though. She’s quite the husky lady.

    @Kyddryn
    Yeah…there sure isn’t too much left to lift, is there?

  20. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Oops. Forgot you there.

    Sure, there’s LOTS of celebrities I’d like to meet.

    But this list helps narrow it down….with the celebrety rejects that frighten me.

    (Though I wouldn’t mind meeting Pamela…she seems a tad more intelligent than Jessica…her eyes seem to focus on movement a bit more).

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    @Kyddryn,

    Joan Rivers blinking = awesome joke… 🙂

    @Friar,

    Ah yes, Miss Moneypenny.

  22. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    She sure was easier to look at that Judy Dench as “M”, wasn’t she?

  23. Captain Push Says:

    The people on your list aren’t especially frightening to me other than Gorden Ramsay. I do watch his shows.

    I noticed you didn’t include any REAL COCKROACHES like Janeane Garofolo, Tim Robbins, Al Franken, or Keith Olbermann.

  24. Friar Says:

    @Captain

    Yeah, like a car crash that I can’t turn away from, I do watch Gordon Ramsay. It is compelling viewing…I must admit.

    I’m neutral about Tim Robbins or Keith Olbermann (basically, because I can’t be bothered with them eitherway). Janeane and Al….well, they just ANNOY me, but dont’ frighten me. (I think I could handle them!) 😉

  25. Patricia Says:

    @Friar,
    Meryl Streep is the mother of 5 children and rather a stand up comedian …She is quite impressive lecturer on education and racism and works with Cher on environmental issues…not dull at all

    @ Kelly,
    I just saw the previews for Julia and Julia…Streep is playing Julia Child in the movie – coming out in October. I don’t care if the boys don’t wish to see it I will take myself to see it…Julia Child was my savior on television when I was in the hospital or sick in bed so much of my youth…she was truly very, very funny too…

  26. Kelly Says:

    Patricia,

    She also sings. She has a great voice.

    Ooh, as Julia Child? I hadn’t heard of it, and yes, I adored her as well. I am *so* there. Thanks for the heads-up!

    Until later,

    Kelly

  27. Friar Says:

    @Kelly and Patricia

    Meryl Streep…as Julia Child?

    (*Snicker*)…The PERFECT Guy’s movie! 😀

    Hey, Brett. Do you wanna drive to the Big City and go see this when it comes out?

    I hear the scene with the meringue is AWESOME! 😀 😀

  28. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Oh, *definitely* – I know we were going to go see Terminator Salvation, but this sounds *much* better 🙂

  29. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I hear Russel Crowe co-stars.

    Meryl apparently teaches him the Ways of the Kitchen.

    He actually cries in this movie, and bakes cranberry muffins.

    Ooooh.

    I can’t wait. I can’t wait. I can’t wait.

    😀

  30. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    If Russell Crowe were in it, I’d be camping out for tickets NOW.

    OMG. He can bake me cranberry muffins any day.


  31. Am I the only straight male in the world who is not infatuated with Jessia Simpson? Give me the *real* Daisy Duke any day.

    Scariest “celeb”: probably Rush Limbaugh, because it’s *not* an act — he really believes what he spouts. Though it would be funny to hear him go on about the evils of Mary Jane while he’s whacked out on red wine and Percocets…

    Tom Cruise would be up there too, though maybe “creepy and uncomfortable” would be more apt.

    Nice anti-who-would-you-invite-to-a-dinner-party game, Friar!

    ~Graham

  32. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Yes, if you can get him to stop going out drinking all night and getting into fights, I’m sure Russel would come and bake for you anytime! 😉

    @Graham
    I suppose Jessica Simpson is attractive, in a superficial-Barbie doll sort of way.

    She’s okayyy..I wouldnt kick her out for eating crackers in bed, but I’m not infatuated with her either.

    But I’d take her over Meryl Streep! 🙂

  33. Kelly Says:

    I have my ways. 😉

  34. Friar Says:

    @Kelly

    Maybe I’d consider watching the movie, if Meryl’s character had a hot, sexy, 25-year-old great-grand-daughter or something.

  35. mehculpa Says:

    Scary:

    Tom Cruise with a piece of furniture.

    Madonna in a cone bra. You could get maimed for life if you bumped into her on the street. Imagine if you were short! You could put out an eye that way.

    The Donald’s hair… (crosses fingers and hopes the html works)

    because it can fly.

    I’m afraid of Julia Robert’s laugh. Her mouth looks like it could swallow a small country. And the laugh itself startles me enough that I jump a few inches.

    As a Californian, I’m really afraid of Ahhhhnold’s budget. His face is awfully snug for someone who’s 61.

    Woody Allen is creepy. For obvious reasons.

    ::shudder::

    But that’s not Joan Rivers. That’s something out of:

    * * *

    Meryl Streep is actually nice and pretty funny, better without a comedian interviewing her because she’s so a good straight player, that’s what she falls into.

    But I was a little afraid of Julia Child on her who when she introduced a “peep” of chickens with a carving knife and called each of them “Miss.”

  36. mehculpa Says:

    Drat. Here’s the pic of Donald Trump’s hair.

    Mer, who forgot to sign the last post again

  37. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    Tom Cruise…what a maroon!

    As for Madonna in a cone bra..that was SCARY. But that was her flavor-of-the-month look 15 years ago. How many changes has she gone through since?

    Would be interesting to make her go up on stage, with no dancers, orchestra, or shocking effects. Just give her an acoustic guitar, and tell her: Go out there, and SING. (Wonder if she could?)

    Woody Allen. Ugh. He jumped the shark as soon as he married his step daughter.

    Love the video. (You’re the first person I’ve seen leave them as comments)

  38. Patricia Says:

    Kelly,
    Let’s make a date to see Julia and Julia in October…We can write posts on our blogs and see if the guys make 100 comments!…
    We will just leave the guys out of this conversation and they can go fishing or something!…

    ooo…lets not talk about budgets…
    I think the gal who plays the other Julia is really cute in the movie….and what is wrong with a movie being put out that woman will want to see…and enjoy and laugh at? There is an insinuation here


  39. @Friar — hmm, if we’re talking Meryl Streep circa Out of Africa, then Simpson would be left in the dust…

    ~Graham

  40. Friar Says:

    @Patricia

    Yes..you and Kelly DO THAT. Go see the movie, and compare notes.

    Me and Brett will do the manly thing, and go see Terminator Four. 😉

    @Graham
    Yeah, but wasn’t that like almost 30 years ago? 🙂

    If you want to go back that far, I had a crush on Kim Catrall in the 80’s.

  41. Kelly Says:

    Patricia,

    If I can find an angle for the blog, I’d love to. I’ll have to go to some movie house with a great customer experience… I’d never choose a place expecting a bad experience, lol, though that makes a good post too!

    Friar,

    Srsly? Is there going to be a T4? Good grief, that’s worse than Indy Jones and the Creaking Rocking-Chair of Doom. Who’s the target market for something like that?

    (P.S. Kim Catrall is hot. No idea what she was doing in the 80s, but she’s a stunner now.)

    Later,

    Kelly

  42. Brett Legree Says:

    I suppose my 80’s crush (on a pretty obscure woman) would have to have been Wendy O. Williams 🙂

    Plasmatics FTW

  43. Friar Says:

    @Kelly
    Kim Catrall was in “Turk 182” (stupid movie, but she was hot!)

    And she was with Kurt Russel in “Big Trouble in Little China”. Again, a stupid movie, but she was hot.

    She’s still hot, for a 78-year-old. (Though obviously she’s had a lot of work done)

    @Brett
    Oh, she SCARES ME! 😮


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