Fifteen examples of why we have things WAY too easy.

1.  Umpteen varieties of Oreos
Different Oreos

OMG.  How DID people manage from 1912 to 1975 with just PLAIN old Oreos?.  Today we have Chocolate-Filled Oreos, Double-stuffed Oreos, Double-stuffed Mint Oreos, Golden Oreos, Mini Oreos, Caviar Oreos,  Plutonium Oreas….and Lord knows what else.

2.  American Idol
Idol

While we obsess over glorified Karaoke singers, the Barbarians are making plans to storm our city gates.
This is how Rome fell.

3. Mulit-colored Lucky Charms Marshmallows

LC_Clover StarLC_Rainbow HourGlass

Sugary cereal isn’t decadent enough.   Sugary cereal with marshmallows isnt’ decadent enough.   Sugary cereal with multicolored marshmallows….NOW we’re talkin’!
Just think of the R&D that went into develooping the right food chemistry and injection-molding technology to make these.
I still buy this shit, though.

4. Diet Pet Food

Diet dog food

Try explaining THIS to a starving African.

5. Handicapped Parking at the trailhead…for HIKING trails.
Handicapped
I’m not kidding. I know places where these exist!
I’m sorry if this sounds harsh.   But someone is going out of their way to walk 2 miles, then they can walk the extra 50 feet from the parking lot like the rest of us.

6. Getting upset over “Merry Christmas”

Holidays
If this is one of our biggest gripes in December, then we deserve COAL in our stocking.
What would our grandparents think, who fought for our freedom in WW II?
Warms their heart, this probably does.

7. Digitally colorizing old movies
Stooges
Thank God no one ever has to suffer the trauma of watching something in black and white any more.

8. Bo-Tox
botox

We dont’ want to look old.   So we inject POISON into our face.
Makes sense to me.

9. Blogging about Twitter, and Twittering about Blogging

escher-moebius
Talk about a self-perpetuating Jerkle Cirque.
We need to get better hobbies.  Seriously.


10. Mt. Mitchell’s  Observation Deck

Mt. Mitchell

When you take the highest peak east of the Mississippi and pave a road to the top, that’s one thing.
But when you make it wheelchair accessible, well, that kinda of ruins whatever’s left of the wilderness experience.

11. Bagel-Fuls

Bagelful

Apparently, spreading cream cheese on a bagel is TOO MUCH WORK.   This must be why they came up with these abominations.

12. Cell phones that can be used as a carpenter’s level.

dual-level

It’s about TIME!!!
Next, I hear they’re working on phones that will actually be able to send and receive voice signals.

13. Car GPS’s

Car GPS
Our ancestors navigated across uncharted waters to colonize the New World.

Today, we’re too dumb-ass to even read a map to find the mall.

14. Bling water (at $38 a pop)
Bling
No wonder half the planet hates us.

15.  20-foot inflatable Gorillas
Gorilla

Google it.  You’ll be surprised at how many there are.
You have to admit.   It’s a proud moment for a civilization when it has progressed to the point where it can actually support people who’s job it is to make and sell these things.
I want one in my yard.

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32 Comments on “Fifteen examples of why we have things WAY too easy.”


  1. You forgot my favorite the frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I just toss those with some presliced apples, a juice box and yogurt in a tube and my kid is good to go!

  2. Kyddryn Says:

    Oh, wow, I haven’t had an Oreo in ages…I preferred Hydrox cookies, meself.

    I didn’t watch AI this year…just couldn’t…Paula Abdul makes me want to stab myself with a rusty spork…oh, and…you know…world issues and stuff…

    You can’t keep Africans as pets, luv…we had a whole war over that and everything…

    A handicapabe person has as much right to tumble down the mountainside as the next fellow…and just think, they have so much less to lose!

    I say Blessed Yule or Happy Solstice and REALLY watch the heads spin.

    Colorizing is the Devil.

    Botox is the Devil.

    Paving Mountain tops is the Devil. Busy, is Old Scratch.

    Points 11&12? Never heard of them. Lucky, me.

    I love atlases, and so does my son…he’s six and reads a map better than most grown-ups!

    If someone offered me a bottle of that water, I’d have to slap them. Many, many times. And then steal the bottle and sell it on eBay.

    What does a giant, inflatable gorilla have to do with used cars? I’ve always wondered…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who is maybe a wee grumpy, this morninng)(It’s AM where I am…sigh…)

  3. Friar Says:

    @Tracy
    I thought you were kidding at first, until I Googled these:

    http://www.smuckers.com/products/category.aspx?groupId=3&categoryId=46

    Holy crap. What is the world coming to? I’m a lazy lazy, cook. But even I can make a peanut butter sammitch.

    I think this must be one of the Signs of the impending Apocalypse.

    @Kyddryn

    Hmm. Another cultural difference. We don’t get Hydrox cookies in canada. Can’t say I ever had one.
    Though I hear they’re similar to Oreos.

    I’ve never had (11). Never will. Microwave bagel-like object just looks GROSS.

    And that cell phone carpenter level.
    Yeah…interesting little computer application for a Grad Student….but do we really NEED it? (WOFT!)

  4. Kyddryn Says:

    Hydrox cookies were similar to Oreos – the cookies were a slightly denser texture and the filling was what Oreos used to have, with actual flavor to it. They stopped production a few years beck, though – couldn’t compete with Oreos production and selection. Sigh. Stupid free market…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who is still bewildered and slightly horrified by the whole bagelwhatsies and the PBJ doodads)

  5. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I don’t know what to say. So I said this instead.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Kyddryn

    All the info is on Wikipedia. Hydrox cookies started in 1908. Diddn’t realize Oreos came later (1912).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydrox

    @Eyeteaguy

    Gee…I must have written a post that’s so AWESOME, that you don’t have anything to add.

    Or that you’re feelng down, and that you’re not yourself.

    Gee, I hope you feel better soon.

  7. XUP Says:

    Bagelfuls slay me. I thought it was one of those joke tv ads the first time I saw them advertised. Sadly, I was wrong. Then people at work starting bringing them in for breakfast and talking them up as the greatest thing since sliced bread (which they remember from their childhood having only purchased ready-made sandwiches since they hit their late teens)

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Your post sucked, I am feeling down. I am trying to cram 5 days of work into 3 and its not working.
    That smell you smell is me burning out…..

    Now I get to spend the next 5 days with the in-laws after travelling for 8 hours in a car with my family. Can’t wait.

    I knew I picked the wrong time to quit drinking.

    Eyeteaguy

  9. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    #15—darn it, now you know what I’m getting you for “the holidays.”

    🙂

    Regards,

    Kelly

  10. Friar Says:

    @XUP
    Something about yellowish bagel-like material with whitish cream extruded into the middle…reminds me of PUS. Kinda grosses me out.

    And like I said to Tracy…even a lazy ass like me will still take the time to make PBJ by hand. (I mean…how hard is THAT?)

    @Eyeteaguy

    “Your post sucked…”

    Ahhhh….now THAT’s what I’m waiting for.

    5 days with the in-laws. Ugh. Can you sneak out and drop by my house Thursday for some pints with Brett? (It’s only a 6 hour drive).

    @Kelly
    I knew you’d like #15 the best! 🙂

    I never even thought of large inflatable apes, till I started commenting on your blog.

  11. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    But you’ve made up for that generously in the time since discovering them.

    I was planning on having it delivered to your desk at the Factory. I don’t think that’ll cause too much of a fuss, do you?

    Later,

    Kelly

  12. Friar Says:

    Kelly

    As long as the Gorilla meets CSA N286 Standards (for Nuclear Facilities), I don’t think there would be a problem.

  13. Kelly Says:

    Excellent. Claire Chaffington promised to help me sneak it in. 😉

  14. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I know when I’m not wanted, your fscking blog keeps eating my comments.

  15. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Or sure, now that I stop swearing it works…..

  16. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Honest, it wasn’t me. I haven’t been eating anything coming from you!

  17. Karen Swim Says:

    Rofl! I often wonder what future generations will think when they look back in history at our absurd culture. Another one that drives me batty, toothpaste. Good golly, I guess toothpaste was too simple now there are a million choices – you can whiten, freshen your breath, prevent cavities, have healthy gums, kill bacteria BUT not with just one toothpaste no, no, no. You have to CHOOSE so you may get fresh breath and white teeth but you’re on your own for cavity prevention!

  18. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Don’t forget the striped toothpaste, or the sparkly toothpaste (with flecks of mica mixed into it!).

    Or bubble gum, citrus orange or cinnamon flavored toothpaste. .

    Or the different kinds of toothbrushes. Reach behind the teeth toothbrushes. Flexible head toothbrushes. Stimulate the gums toothbrushes. Some even look like they were designed by NASA, for crying out loud.

    Sometimes I think we have WAY TOO MUCH free time on our hands.


  19. In a moment of weakness I bought separate toothpastes for day and night. In my defense sometimes I say to hell with it and use the tube that is closest, even if it’s not the time appropriate choice.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Tracy

    Different toothpaste for different time of day? Is there such a thing?

    Or is this just something you like to do on your own? 😉

  21. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Epengrappi, erzergebleflug, meep.

  22. Friar Says:

    Geez, Eyeteaguy.

    Whatever meds you’re on, cut the dose.

  23. Brett Legree Says:

    You missed one.

    http://www.jimmydean.com/sitecontent/pancakes-sausage/2007/10/10/pancakes-and-sausage-on-a-stick-blueberry.aspx

    Jimmy Dean sausage and blueberry pancakes on a stick. They used to come in chocolate chip too.

    I think Sonic (fast food chain in the USA) used to sell these or something like this too.

  24. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    GAGGGG! That’s just so wrong. (It so bad it, this is something they’d satire on the Simpsons).

    A sausage and pancake itself, I could picture. It’s no worse than a corn-dog or Pogo.

    But adding FRUIT to the mix? Breakfast sausage and blueberries in the same bite?

    GAGGGGG.

  25. Brett Legree Says:

    I’m pretty sure the one at Sonic had syrup baked into it, like that McGriddle sandwich at McD’s…

  26. Brett Legree Says:

    Battery powered vibrating toothbrushes and razors.

    Absolute genius, whoever came up with this idea. Do they work any better?

    Probably not, but it takes a formerly simple product and teams it up with another product. So you generate extra waste and/or use electricity to charge the batteries.

    The smartest of them all, are the battery powered toothbrushes for kids, because kids can nag.

    Ever see the price on those things? Almost 10 bucks with the tax! For a TOOTHBRUSH.

  27. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Brett

    I broke my right arm a number of years ago. Just for fun try using your left hand to brush your teeth.

    My friend bought me an electric toothbrush instead of a bouquet of flowers. You have no idea how much that helped me. If an eletric flosser had been invented, I would have appreciated that too.

    Since then I bought an expensive Sonicare electric toothbrush, recommened by my periodontist. Love it!

  28. Patricia Says:

    I think the Sonicare toothbrush is a boon – not a simplification…it makes it easier at the dentist, who no longer has to scrape my teeth clean. At 94 my mother died with all her own teeth and 20/20 vision..

    I had one kid that went through the frozen PBJs like crazy for about a year…then I discovered she was trading them at school for lattes – what she really loved was fancy coffee.

    Another clever post my friend. Thank you
    Urban panther just posted about her dental trip – it is a rant.

  29. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Electric toothbrushes rank up there, in terms of usefullness, as gas-powered leaf blowers.

    @Friar’s Mom
    Well, having only one arm, and the other in a cast, I can see having an electric toothbrush is useful.

    For for the rest of us, an electric toothbrush is “Nice to have” but not necessarily absolutely necessary.

    @Patricia
    These damned kids and their frozen PBJ. Back when I was a kid, we made our own, and we were glad to have them.

    And fancy coffees…sheesh. Since WHEN did kids drink those? (I never did caffeine till I was in univerisity!).

    There…do I sound like an Old Fart enough? 🙂

  30. Patricia Says:

    @Friar
    2 things this morning!
    I discovered by the time that she got to HS that the latte was about $100 a month and she could focus, whereas the Adderall they put her on to get help with her focusing for learning was $298 a month…then in college she takes the Adderall and can bring a caffeinated drink into all exams with her…the good news is the most expensive college education will be proofed in Graduation June 13th YES! Now she must find a job to pay for the Adderall and coffee – cause I am broke!

    #2
    I walked the hour to the pharmacy to pick up partners RA meds and for exercise. I got there about 5 minutes before the store opened so I perched on a bench by the door in the sun…an older man in his 70s came and sat beside me, as he sat down he passed noisy gas – no bother to him, he said, ” just looking at me you knew I had to be an old fart!”
    Yes I guess I did!

    I don’t think you are even close! though you keep me laughing for which I am grateful


  31. Oh this is good. So true 😉

    D’ya see this : Everything is Amazing on Conan

  32. Friar Says:

    @Patricia
    Well, at least the coffee is cheaper than the meds!

    @Janice

    Heh heh. That guy expresses it perfectly!


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