Friar’s Random Short Lists

Comic strip women that I think would be pretty hot in real life.
– Blondie (Or her neighbor Tootsie.   Except for hair color, they’re interchangeable).
– Lois (Hi’s wife…not bad looking, after having had four kids).
– Miss Buxley (the hot secretary on Beetle Bailey).
– Any typical woman in Marvel or DC comics (super-heroines, or otherwise).

Four comic strip females I wouldn’t be caught dead with in real life.   Even at gunpoint.
– Cathy (Aacck!)
– Helga (Hagar’s wife).   Just like the fat lady that sings in the Opera.
– Blanche (the Wizard of Id’s wife)
– Cora Dithers (Dagwood’s boss’s wife…a clone of Blanche).

Four potential names for a family restaurant
– T.J. McFustecluck’s Good-Time Eating Emporium
– Butt-Crack McFinnigans
– McGarnaggle’s Crust Shack
– The Country Abatoir

Five things I like about The Superfriends
– For the benefit of the audience, they constantly explain what they have to do. “I’ll got to stop that avalanche from destroying that village!
– For the benefit of the audience, they give closure when a task is completed: “There…THAT should stop that avalanche!
– For the benefit of the audience, they let you know when the villain is no longer a threat: “There…THAT should stop you,  Bizarro-Superman!
– For the benefit of the audience, they describe an impending threat in very specific detail:  “Batman, …the magic amulet that the evil Demon-Soldlier has stolen  has opened up a time portal in the side of that mountain…causing lava to flow out of control, in our general direction….WATCH OUT!
– Batman and Robin have no super powers to speak of, but they’re still more useful than Aquaman.

Supporting McDonald-Land Characters:   “Where are they Now?”
Grimace: Gainfully employed as the voice of Patrick on SpongeBob Squarepants.
Mayor McCheese:  Resigned from office after shady French-Fry scandal with the Hamburglar.   Now lives in a a trailer park outside of Quartzite, Arizona.
Captain Crook: Earns a modest living performing as  an extra in the Vegas Cirque de Soleils’  “A Tribute to Sea-men Pirate Extravaganza.”
Officer Big Mac: Retired from the McDonaldLand Police force in 1988.   Died of a massive heart attack in 1992.

Clue” Scenarios that might not be rated “G”.
Miss Scarlett.  With Miss White.   And with Mr. Green.   In the bedroom. (Way to go, Mr. Green!)
Profressor Plum.  In the closet.   Trying to come out.
Miss. Juggs.  In the study.  On a trapeze.  With a circus elephant.

Five random things that should be banned, if I ran the planet
– Cranberries in breakfast cereals, salads, and trail mix. (Keep ’em in beverage form, or with Thanksgiving turkey sauce, where they belong).
– Crows (damned things squawk outside my house every morning at 6:00 AM).   Someone get a pellet gun.
– Those lame-ass playground swings made of rubber that crush your hips.  (Bring back the wooden ones that you could jump off of!)
– Womens’ haircuts shorter than mine.
– Unless you’re a biker or Aboriginal/First nations, pony tails on guys.

Top Five Curse Words from 1895
– Land Sakes!
– Consarn It!
– Dagnabbit!
– My Word!
– Goodness Me!

Six random things you coudln’t  make ME do, even at gunpoint
– Yoga
– Tai Chi
– See a live production of “Cats” or the “Phantom.”
– Be vegetarian for more than one consecutive meal.
– Attend a classical music concert, without having a giggle fit.
– Be truly, sincerely sorry that I just farted.

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20 Comments on “Friar’s Random Short Lists”

  1. Writer Dad Says:

    “Batman and Robin have no super powers to speak of, but they’re still more useful than Aquaman.”

    My seven year old and four year old both picked up on this essential truth while watching the Super Friends a couple months back. Awesome and true.

  2. Friar Says:

    @WriterDad

    Heh heh. You and your kids watch Superfriends too?

    Isn’t it great that they still show these retro cartoons?

    (They’re so lame, they’re AWESOME!) 😀

    (Though at age four and seven, your kids are on the verge of out-growing the show!)

  3. XUP Says:

    a) Why is everything funnier when it has “Mc” in front of it?
    b) The Superfriends audience cluing-in technique is also over-employed by the entire CSI series. “Hi! Whatcha got?” “I’m putting this piece of finger in the gigoslithogometer, it will twirl around and then the computer over here will magically connect it with every scrap of information about the owner of the finger and the person who removed it.”
    c) Cats, Phantom, Tai Chi, Yoga and even vegetarianism (yes, even vegetarianism) I can understand; but how could you not enjoy a classical music concert?

  4. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    I actually enjoy classical music.

    But it’s just the pompous SERIOUSNESS of seeing it performed live (especially in an environment where you’re NOT supposed to laugh).

    That’s just a Guar-Rawn-Teed recipe for the shits and giggles! 🙂

  5. Donald Mills Says:

    I was always partial to Mary Worth…she was a looker dagnabbit!

    Nice lists Friar. You’re a funny lad.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Donald

    I never thought of Mary Worth…probably because she’s old enough to be my Mom. But she’s kept herself well, and she has a good head on her shoulders. She’d make a good catch for someone in the over-60 crowd.

    Would be curious to see what she looked like in her 20’s, though. I guess we’ll never know.

  7. Brett Legree Says:

    Do you think Hagar would notice? I mean, he’s drunk all the time and Viking Beer/Mead Goggles are pretty powerful 🙂

    I used to live around the corner from a pub in Hamilton.

    It was called The Pheasant Plucker.

    Try saying that one fast.

  8. Madhatter Says:

    I’m sorry but yoga rocks. Don’t knock it til you’ve tried it. Until you can stand on your hands and touch your feet to your head I don’t think you should dis it.
    That’s only my humble opinion…

  9. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    If I had a pub, I’d call it The Thrusting Pig.

    Regarding Hagar. Why is he drunk all the time (and why is he off invading?).

    Lookit what he has to come home to!

    @Madhatter
    Well, my whole question about being able to stand on my hands and touch my feet to my head…is WHY ON EARTH would I want to do that in the FIRST place?

    Though if I had a girlfriend who did that, I wouldn’t complain! 😉

  10. Geek Redux Says:

    This post reminded me of one of my favorite vids on Youtube: The Superfriends and the Avoidable Genocide.

    @XUP So right about CSI. “Whatcha doing?” “I’m doing something that doesn’t really happen in the real world, at least not this fast, but regardless you’re a CSI too so way do I have to explain it to you?”

  11. Captain Push Says:

    What? No Betty or Veronica? Those girls were HOT!
    I wonder what the hell they were doing hanging out with Nimrods like Archie and Jughead?

  12. Friar Says:

    @Geek

    Heh heh. That’s AWESOME. 😀

    And Wonder Woman just confirms my observation:

    “We’ve got to get to Xantar to see if we can be of any help!”.

    I also like the fact that Xantar is “trillions of light-years away” But they have instant communication via video screen. (But because of the huge distance, the reception is slightly grainy).

    @Captain
    Ohhhh! Good one! I forgot about Betty and Veronica. (Or 99% of all the other girls in Archie Comics, who look identical, except for hairstyle).

    But they’re still in High School. So that I don’t feel like too much of a dirty old man for noticing, I keep telling myself “Yeah..but they’d be Seniors…they’d be at least 18”

    Or maybe they’re stupid, and they’ve repeated several years, and they’re actually 22. Yeah..that’s it…22. 😉

  13. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hmmm curse words. I’m good at that one.
    1. Good grief
    2. Golly
    3. Gosh
    4. Gadzuks
    5. Gee wiz

    And they all begin with G.

    How good am I.

    Eyeteagoodness

  14. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Another version of #5 could be “Geez Louise”.

    This post was quite useful. We established that friendly swear words start with “G”. And that things are funnier that start with “Mc”.

  15. Eyeteaguy Says:

    McFuck, McFart, McBurp

    Yup. Very McFunny.

  16. Brett Legree Says:

    Why not combine funny things with friendly swear words?

    Let’s start with McGonad.

  17. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Dicktard McGonad’s (Another family restaurant!)

  18. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Poop and fart words. I approve of where this conversation is going.

  19. Eyeteaguy Says:

    McMozart, the most famous Scottish composer. His Mc41st McSymphony was sublime.

    If its not scottish, IT’S CRAP!

  20. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    That would be the Bagpipe McSymphony, in E-Crap, am I right?


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