Sex is like Toys…

(*)  Thanks to Karen who planted this idea in my head.

*************************************

Sex is like a pogo-stick.

1Sex Pogo

Bounce!  Bounce!  Bounce!
Just make sure you don’t lose your balance.
Or you’ll fall off.

***************************

Sex is like Sorry.

1Sex Sorry

Because sometimes, no matter how good the intentions.
That’s how you will end up.

****************************

Sex is like a hula-hoop.1Sex Hula Hoop

Round and round.
Over and over.

Remember, though.
It’s all in the hips.

*****************************

Sex is like Scrabble1Sex Scrabble

Sometimes you’re stuck with nothing
All vowels or all consonants.
Or a Q without a U.

But be patient.
When the right combination comes along, you’ll score big.

***************************

Sex is like a Bolo-Bat

1Sex Bat

If you get the rhythm right
You can whack things off pretty good.

Just don’t do it too hard, though.
Or you’ll break something, and your fun will be over.

***************************

Sex is like a Play-Doh Fun Factory

1Sex Playdoh

With the right pressure
You’d be amazed at what can fit through a tight opening.

********************************

Sex is like Trouble

1Sex Trouble

Because that’s where it can lead, if you’re not careful.

******************************

Sex is like a Smash-up Derby Set

1Sex Smashup

You get all worked up.
And rev up your engines.
And then you  just GO at each other….until KABOOM!

Then you pick up the pieces.
Put yourselves back together.
And get ready to go all over again.

******************************

Sex is like Rock’em Sock’em Robots

1Sex Robots
Two individuals, dancing together.
In an elaborate ballet.
Both are strong, yet vulnerable.
Parrying, thrusting.
Testing boundaries.
The dance continues.
Until someone gets their block knocked off.

****************************

Sex is like an Easy-Bake Oven

1Sex Oven

If you do things right.
You can have your cake and eat it too.

****************************

Sex is like an Erector Set.

1Sex Erector(Of course it is.  Why wouldn’t it be?)

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43 Comments on “Sex is like Toys…”

  1. Donald Mills Says:

    Very funny post Friar.

    I wish I had a game to add but all I can think of is monopoly and how it can drag on so long that people lose interest in finishing and just want to go to sleep…

    And that really isn’t in the spirit.

    Don

  2. Friar Says:

    @Donald

    I guess Monopoly can be like sex. You can spend the night at someone’s house (or hotel). But it’ll COST you! 🙂

  3. Karen JL Says:

    The Bolo-bat (Bat-a-ball?) looks like a ‘solo’ activity. If you’re “whacking things off”, you’re probably alone.

    (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

    Forgive me everyone for being the cause of this post. *hangs head in shame*

  4. Hannah Says:

    LOL! Have you considered teaching sex-ed in schools?

  5. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    I wanted to include the bolo bat, because I assume that everyone’s used one, at one point or other, in their lives. 😉

  6. Friar Says:

    @Hannah

    Well, I think a Sex-ed lecture on this type of stuff would probably get me banned from schoolboards everywhere.

  7. XUP Says:

    Sex is like Trivial Pursuit: lots of guessing games, lots of trying to get all your pieces together so you can get to home base and then when you get there someone inevitably goes mental and tips the board over tossing everything all over the place.

    Sex is Yahtzee – It could happen in pairs or in three of a kind or even with a full house. There’s lots of shaking and rolling and screaming going on (especially when Yahtzee is achieved). And it all ends with a Royal Flush.

  8. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Good ones! 😀

    I shoulda had you co-write this post with me!

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    Sex is like Monopoly – the more money you have, the more “property” you get 🙂

    Sex is like pizza – even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.

    I mean, would you rather have bad pizza, or no pizza?

  10. XUP Says:

    Brett – you didn’t make that pizza one up – I’ve heard it a million times. Also pizza is not a game.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Yeah, Brett. Get with the program, like XUP.

    This post is about toys and games. Not food!

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    If you don’t think pizza (or food) is a game, you don’t know a lot about sex 😉

    j/k

  13. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Well, I do know the God-Awful’s Pizza franchise we have here is a freaking joke. 😉

  14. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Sex is like Warhammer 40,000
    Lots of rules, very elaborate toys and you need lots of people to play.

    Well it like Brett having sex anyway…..

    Eyeteaguy

    And don’t ask me what Warhammer 40k is, google it.

  15. Brett Legree Says:

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Yeah baby, sex with a Storm Bolter and Chainsword…

    (see, that’s the reason I have a Chaos tattoo on my arm)

  16. steph Says:

    AHAHAHAHAHA!! The last two were my favourite.

    And XUP: the Yahtzee one was hilarious!!

  17. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Eyeteaguy

    Oh, great. I got the two computer geeks tag-teaming.

    @Steph

    I wonder how many women yell “YAHTZEE!” when they climax? 😉

  18. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I think the females have to play the genestealers. Hive mind, attack in highly coordinated groups, scare the crap out mortal men.

    Yup, 40k.

  19. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Oh, f**k.

    I can say that on this post.

    As much as I’m going to, anyway.

    I was laughing, but probably not disturbing the neighbors, until I got to Rock’em Sock’em Robots.

    Then I totally lost it.

    BWAH hahahahaha…

    Karen, you are the coolest chick in BC. Guaranteed.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  20. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Not sure how many women yell “YAHTZEE!” at climax, but I bet a lot of guys say “Sorry…”

    @Eyeteaguy,

    Definitely, the women are the genestealers. Not that the men mind having their “genetic material” stolen, though…

    (says the guy with four kids and the Chaos tattoo)

  21. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I still have my Death Squad. In fact I am looking at them right now. I still have them on my shelf. The Captain was painted by Henry, it is awesome.

    Have you tried eBay for a copy of Space Hulk? Its going for 2 to 4 times was it was worth new.

    But it was a good game. Great to play with friends. And making it into a video game missed the point of it all.

    You need to play in a basement, drinking 10 year old Labbatt 50 and listening to Kyuss. Those were the days.

    Actually wasn’t that the night I nearly died coming down the mountain in the rain? I think it was…..

    But I digress……

    Sex is like Kerplunk, you pull on the sticks until your balls drop.

    Eyeteaguy

  22. Brett Legree Says:

    Yeah, he knew how to paint those, didn’t he.

    I hadn’t looked on eBay, but as Space Hulk is out of print I’m not surprised. Like most great board games, the translation to computer just sucks. The 10-year old 50 helped too, and the Kyuss iced the cake.

    Yes, that was the night you almost bought it. You should have had my bicycle instead, remember I could go faster down that hill than you could?

  23. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Genestealers and such…I have no idea what you and Brett are talking about.

    Now…Labbat’s 50, though. I can identify with that. I used to brink it to class parties all the time. It was great because nobody would steal your beer.

    @Kelly

    You said F**k? (Say it ain’t so!) 😮

    Karen is pretty cool. And pretty funny. I bet you she could give the Deep Friar a pretty good run for it’s money.

    But she once told me she has to behave (because her blog is serious/professional).

    @Brett
    I can just picture it…

    “Yah…Yah…Yah…YAHHHHHH-TZEEEEEE”

    @Eyeteaguy
    You know…I was almost gonna put something down about Ker-Plunk.

    We’re dating ourselves. How many people under 30 know about this game?

    @Brett
    Oh, I see my blog is being hijacked.

    That’s okay..please continue. Don’t mind me. Can I get you and Eyeteaguy some snacks or something while you two chat?

  24. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Sure, I’d like some ripple chips and Brett with have the same, but crunch them up first and server them with ice cream.

  25. Kelly Says:

    “…she once told me she has to behave (because her blog is serious/professional).”

    Hm.

    I’ve *never* said that.

    Just imagine!

    😉

    Until later,

    Kelly

  26. Karen JL Says:

    Well, I wouldn’t say my blog is “serious”…hell it IS about cartoons and stuff. But yeah, it’s a ‘teaching blog’ so I feel I can’t get *too* sarcastic and stuff. *sigh*

    I may have to start another. That would be awesome to say all the stuff that’s *really* in my head. But I’d have to use a pseudonym too. Hmm…The Shallow Friarette?

    @ Kelly – You mean I’m not the coolest chick in Canada?? Gotta try harder. 😉

    @ Brett – No, men don’t say “sorry”. But more of them should.

    “YA-YA-YA-YA-YAHHHHHH-TZEEEEEE”

    (OK…I was fakin’)

  27. Karen JL Says:

    I said “stuff” way too many times in that comment.

  28. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Brett just left. Too bad you missed the nachos and salsa. And Beer.

    @Kelly
    As you might recall, Karen won the 2nd prize on my contest a few months ago. Which was Brett and I offering to hijack her blog.

    Surprisingly, she didn’t take us up on our offer.

    Maybe we should have done it anyway instead of tormenting you.

    @Brett
    I think I’ve dated chicks like that…

    @Patricia

    Why..that NAUGHTY little Monkey! (Just goes to show you…you can’t trust any primate that flings its own poop!)

    @Karen
    Well, I remember one time, your blog was all serious, the big kids were there, and I felt left out. You had to coax me out with a peanut.

    As “YA-YA-YA-YA-YATZEEE”….you already had me a “YA-YA”.

  29. Karen JL Says:

    Well, it’s just that sometimes you’re the guy that shows up to the cocktail party in a bunny suit and the rest of the guests are saying “WTF?”

    I know the guy in the bunny suit, but nobody else does, ya know? 😀

    *offers another peanut*

  30. Kelly Says:

    Oh, darn. I had something to say about how I love my (tormentors) commenters, but then Karen made me ROFL again.

    Bunny suit!!

    I always figure it’s the nukes. Being serious all the time and solving quadratic equations or what-ever you have to do to keep the world from nuclear crisis makes Friar a dude who needs a break from serious. 🙂

  31. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    When the grown-ups show up, that’s when it’s time for me to pick up my toys and leave.

    It’s only after they’ve all gone, that I know it’s safe to come back. (And maybe accept the peanuts. 🙂

    @Kelly
    Quadratic equations. HAHAHAH! Yeah…I WISH they gave me something fun like that to do.

    Mostly it’s stuff like reading procedure 3.79bb-EI-EI-Oh, which tells you how to fill out form 45-104-bbxnc-ER-Rev. 4, which was changed slightly from 45-104-bbxnc-ER-Rev. 3.

  32. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Is there a form to restart the Maple project?

    Or one that stops leaks of heavy water?

    Maybe you can stuff one of those procs into the hole.

    Isn’t that reactor the ONLY one that makes money in Canada?

    Eyeteaguy

  33. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    MAPLE…?

    Why…WHATEVER are you TALKING about?

    I have NO IDEA….nope. Absolutely not. No sir.


  34. First thing I thought of was “Sex is like toys, you can never have enough…”

    But actual games?

    Sex is like curling, you have to try to land on the button (and stop anyone else from doing the same).

    Sex is like craps, you rolls the dice, yous takes yer chances.

    Sex is like pin the tail on the donkey. (No punchline required.)

    BTW, sex is NOT like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire: you can’t have two wrong options removed, you can’t ask the crowd to tell you the answer, and you certainly can’t call your mother for help…

    ~Graham

  35. Friar Says:

    @Graham

    I HOPE nobody would ever call their mother for help!. That would be just…..sad.

    PS. Another good thing about curling. It allows you to get your rocks off.


  36. Okay, I am over here in deep studio mode and I miss this?!!!! Roflol… Friar you’ve outdone yourself. 😉

  37. Friar Says:

    @Janice

    I was wondering where you were. Of all my readers, I was sure you’d enjoy this one the most! 😉


  38. I am so enjoying it, love it!… coming back for more…

    I am in the middle of a studio series/change that strains all my brain cells at the moment.

    So a nice game of twister would be fun….:-)

  39. t. sterling Says:

    Wow. That’s all I have to say.

  40. svc Says:

    Funny, Funny. Funny. Love Eyeteaguy’s Kerplunk.

    Sex is like Red Rover Red Rover. I call you over.

    Sex is like I spy with my lttle eye. Having to guess, and find what has caught me eye.

  41. svc Says:

    Just saw erector set. No pun intended. lol How funny Friar.

    I bet you have one of these at your place .. with your retro collection.


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