1. You can’t just get up and run around and play like you do now. You’ll have stretch and warm up first. Otherwise, you’ll tear a muscle or hurt yourself.
2. You can’t just knock on your friend’s door and ask them to play. No, they’ll be “busy” and their entire summer will be “booked”. If you’re lucky, you’ll get to see them 8 weeks from today.
3. Even if you DO manage to get together with your friends, be aware that you won’t actually “play” anything. Grownups prefer to have dinner, and then spend 3 hours telling “stories” about what happened to them God knows when. Imagine the fun you’ll have.
4. And if you’re a woman, you can’t just show up empty-handed. You have to BRING SOMETHING to eat. And it has to be something that took you hours to make, by your own two hands. It can’t be store-bought, that doesnt’ count. (Kind of like the Christmas cards they force you to make in school).
5. Nobody’s stopping you from going into the store and buying all the candy you want to. Only now you don’t want to.
6. You’ll be too busy to just get on a bike and go for a ride. Instead, you’ll drive an hour to go to the gym to use their stationary bike for 30 minutes.
7. Imagine getting a huge allowance, but you have to give half the money back to your Dad. Welcome to the world of Income Tax.
8. You no longer look forward to getting new toys or games. Instead, you’ll get “excited” about showing your friends the new drapes for the living room.
9. You know all that stuff you’re working so hard to learn in school: geometry, algebra, dissecting frogs…? You’ll never use 99% of it in the real world. EVER.
10. You can watch whatever TV you want, including the “viewer discretion advised” shows. But you won’t. You’ll probably prefer something lame-ass, like Gray’s Anatomy, or CBC Newsworld.
11. Your Mommy no longer nags you about eating healthy and staying away from junk food. That’s what the family doctor is for.
12. There’s something men have called a “prostate” gland, and it’s NOT fun. (You’ll find out why, during your first physical checkup after age 30).
13. You cant’ just eat whatever you want anymore. You might get fat. If you do, everyone will scold you and remind you of it at every meal.
14. Even if you stay skinny, you still might have high cholesterol. And everyone will scold you and remind you of it, at every meal.
15. You know how much you hate naps right now? When you’re a grown-up, you’ll actually ENJOY and LOOK FORWARD to them!
16. The good thing is bullies aren’t around the schoolyard anymore. The bad thing is that they’ve now moved to the workplace. They don’t beat you up, but they can yell at you and make you feel angry and sad. Which in some ways, is even worse. There are no grown-ups to turn to for help. Because you ARE the grown-ups.
17. Are you thinking of becoming an astronaut? Then you’ll need a PhD. It will be like going to Grade 23. (What grade are you in now? Are you even one-quarter finished yet?)
18. You’ll now have to pay for boring things like soap, socks, nail clippers and garbage bags. Out of your own pocket.
19. You know how teachers can tell you that you can be ANYTHING you want to be? Well, not really. Otherwise, everyone would be a jet-pilot or a hockey player. It depends on a lot of things. How smart you are, how much money you have, if you have the right body or not, and a LOT of luck. And that’s just to start. You also have to work at it.
20. You’ll have to go to school for 25 years. So you can learn to work at a job for 35 years. So you can save enough money to enjoy the last 20 years of your life. (IF you’re lucky to live that long!)