Lame-Ass Things They Tried To Get Us To Like as Kids.

Soccer is fine.  Baseball is fine.   But when you combine the two…I’m just SUCKS.

First of all, it was mostly just the 2-3 alpha kids who ever get up to “bat”.

And second, there were never enough players, so when the ball got kicked to kingdom come,  you’d spend forever chasing it and nobody would ever get tagged out.

And by the time it was FINALLY your turn to kick,  everyone wanted to quit out of sheer frustration and/or boredom.

I have NEVER seen a game played to completion.   I suspect this stupid activity was something lazy Phys-ed teachers came up with, just to occupy the kids till gym class is over.

Crafts from Recycled Trash
I don’t know who came up with the idea of teaching kids to “make things” out of trash.   Probably granola teachers, and TV Ontario (or PBS).

But what a stupid idea.

Oooh.  Look at us.  We’re recycling.

Yeah, right.

Seriously.   How much has the volume of municipal landfill sites been reduced, by 5-year-olds making caterpillars out of old egg cartons?

My guess is 0.00000001%.

And it’s not like these were treasured heirlooms that would stay in the family for generations.    No, they ended up in the dump next week,  when Mom threw them out to make room for the NEXT crappy project we brought home.

We werent’ reducing waste…we were just postponing it.

Arts and Craps Crafts in General
Pink construction paper, Elmers Glue, and pipe cleaners that were never supposed to see a pipe.   Is there any practical use for this junk, for anyone over age 8?

Just goes to prove:   Arts and Crafts was really just “busy work” designed to us screaming brats from killing each other for the next 30 minutes.

Teach a kid REAL art:  painting, drawing and sculpting….and who knows?  His stuff might be hanging in an art gallery one day.

But teach a kid Arts and Crafts, and the best you can hope for is a googly-eyed pinecone Santa.   That might sell for $2.99 at the Splat Creek Regional Craft Fair.

Might. .

Hot glue-gun, anyone?

Educational TV Shows
Parents would encourage us (or only allow us) to watch Educational TV.   Pablum-flavored drivel that you’d only find on PBS or CBC.

And we’d would pay lip-service to it.   At least it was TV…it was better than no TV.  And we wouldn’t get yelled at for watching it.  That was the only reason we tolerated it.

But parents…dont’ be fooled.  We knew damned well these shows were NOT the “real thing”.    At the first opportunity (like at a friend’s house) we’d be back to watching Tasmanian Devils swallow turkey-sized sticks of dynamite, or bears steal Pick-a-Nick baskets.

Now THAT was the stuff kids liked to talk about at recess (and still do)….NOT how Caillou learned how to share.

Giving Up Candy for Lent (*)

(*) Only applies if  you were raised Catholic.  Obviously.

Nobody really TOLD us we had to give up candy during Lent.   But between the priests, teachers and parents, it was kind of IMPLIED that we should.

Nothing like a good old fashionned Catholic Guilt Trip. (If Jesus can die on the cross for you sins, surely you can give up candy for a few weeks).

Every time I’d question what the point of all this was, what good did it do me…?    adults would give the same boilerplate answer:

“It builds charcter”

(To my dying day, I’ll never really undestand what they meant by that…nor do I care to).

Charater Shmaracter.  I just wanted my damned candy.

And I say…LET the kids have it.

The poor beggars will have more than enough opportunity to “build charcter” as adults, when they spend the next three decades being told what to do in a cubicle farm.

The least we could do is cut them some slack right now.

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20 Comments on “Lame-Ass Things They Tried To Get Us To Like as Kids.”

  1. Davis Says:

    I’ve thought of other sports to combine (golf and wrestling, for example) but that one never occurred to me

  2. Friar Says:

    You never played soccer baseball? (Using the big ugly red dodgeball? )

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    How about chessboxing?

  4. Friar Says:


    Only YOU would find sh*t like this on Youtube!!!

    But I think it’s a sport we should encourage today’s kids to do.

    It would build character.

    PS. Wonder how good Mike Tyson would be at this?

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    Hmm. I don’t think Iron Mike is bright enough to do well at the chess part, but somehow, I don’t think it would matter…

  6. Friar Says:

    I think Mike would just have to hit his opponent once…then he could the next six months learning to play chess, and he’d still win the match.

  7. Karen JL Says:

    Maybe soccer-baseball is one of those ‘Canadian things’? And dodgeball! Ugh, even worse. What kind of psycho game is THAT?

    Or have all the parent groups shut that one down because it promotes violence? 😉

  8. Friar Says:


    I kinda liked dodgeball. (I wasn’t good at throwing it…but I was good at dodging).

    But yeah….knowing today’s P.C. school environment, they’ve probably replaced dodgeball with bean-bag toss, or mutli-cultural dancing.

  9. Donald Mills Says:

    Ha! Great post Friar. Very funny indeed!

    I remember the soccor/baseball combo with red dodge ball. And I suspect you’re right that it was invented by the a lazy gym teacher somewhere.

    All the best


  10. Soccer-Baseball? Are we talking Kickball here? Big red ball, baseball diamond, kicking the ball instead of hitting it with a bat (but otherwise baseball rules)?

    I loved kickball!

    (Oh no… now I’m a lame(r)-ass!) 😉

  11. Friar Says:


    I bet you also got to do a lot of cool stuff when you were a kid. though. Those were the days when they let children play with fire crackers, bottle rockets, potato guns, sling shots, etc…

    Thanks for dropping in. It’s always a delight to see you.

    Yeah…kick-ball is another word for it. (Like Karen says…”soccer-baseball” is probably a Canadian thing).

    But really? You LIKED it?

    You’re the ONLY person I know who’s ever admitted it. 😮

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    (Actually, I kind of liked it too, but look at the kind of music I listen to…)

  13. Well I didn’t like it as much in a school playground setting – or gym class – but we played it all the time at home with the neighborhood kids. Now *that* was fun! I admit it. (I also admit to listening to Roger Whittaker, so… take my admissions as you will.) 😉

  14. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Nicole
    I kind of liked REAL soccer better.

    But okay…now I know TWO people who admit liking the game.

    OMG! We grew up listening to a Roger Whittaker record my parents bought. That got played over and over. In fact, they even took us to one of his concerts! 😀

    But then again, we didn’t know any better. Mom listened to the CBC a lot..!

  15. Dood… I HAVE the Roger Whittaker records my parents bought. Wanna borrow ’em? 😀

    I’ve been to THREE of his concerts. (One withOUT my parents, and another in the front row.) I so have you beat.

    Oh wait… 😉

  16. Friar Says:


    My art teacher from a few years back would play ANOTHER Roger Whittacker tape during class.

    Over and over and OVER.

    So thanks for the offer to borrow your records. But I’ve had my fill of him for the next decade or so. 😉

  17. Captain Push Says:

    I gave up eating gefiltefish and riding on the backs of alligators for lent.
    I think that’s pretty good for a Methodist!

  18. Friar Says:


    I’d like to add lima beans and listening to Céline Dion CD’s to that list.

    (PS. Do Methodists do Lent?). I dunno…for some reason I thought it was just Catholics who were into that. .

  19. XUP Says:

    I loathe and despise crafts of any shape or form and that includes knitting, tole painting, feemo, rug hooking, embroidery, quilting, anything that involves glue, tape, scissors or sparkles. I’m not all that fond of candy either. I always felt guilty when I got a pile of it at Christmas or Easter because I knew I would never eat it, but I felt I had to pretend to be excited about it anyway. And then I secretly threw it away once piece at a time – or, as I got older, I’d give it to my friends.

  20. Friar Says:


    If you ever have a problem getting rid of candy, send it to me!

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