Science that I’m Ungrateful For

The Large Hadron Colider
When they got this thing up and running, some people were worried it would smash together subatomic particles with such force that it would create a black hole,  which could eventually swallow the entire earth.

AWESOME!!!   …How cool is THAT?

But as it turns out, this bajillion-dollar gizmo ran for about week, then glitched.  Now it’s been shut down for almost a year.

Borrrrr-ring …..Thanks for coming out.



The Triple Point of Water
Solid, liquid and gas.  All present at the same time.

Hmph.   NOT the best time to be outdoors.

If you don’t believe me, just go to the top of Mt. Trembant, Quebec, in January.


Dark Energy
This mysterious force is pushing our universe apart.  We still dont’ know what it is.

But if things keep up the way they are,  eventually all the galaxy clusters will spread out and never see each other again.   Stars will die off, and the Universe will ultimately become a cold, dark lonely place.


Boy.  Talk about a Buzz-Kill.


String Theory
According to some Egg-heads, everything we see is made up of tiny 10-dimensional vibrating strings.   Only they’re curled up inside sub-atomic particles, and are so small, that we can’t see them.

Yeahhhh, right.

Hey, I got a theory too.    Neutrinos have little Vikings inside them that like to have sword fights.   Every time their weapons clash, a photon is emitted.

Prove to me that my idea isn’t’ just as valid…..


Friction, you’re the reason I scrape my knee when I fall.

You’re why I need to change the oil in my car.

And why we can never have perpetual-motion toys.


But then again, if you didnt’ exist, I woudlnt’ be able to sit down my chair right now and type this.


Jupiter’s Rings
Bet you forgot . But Jupiter has rings.

But they’re so lame-ass,  only the best telescopes can see them.   In fact, they didn’t even get discovered until 1979 by the Voyageur I space probe.

Hey, Jupiter, nice ANNULUS.

What did you do?   Borrow Saturn’s hand-me-downs?


This is one of the rarest naturally-occurring elements.  Less than one ounce is present in the entire earths’ crust.

Sorry, but in MY books, that doesn’t consist of a real element….ASS-tatine!

Same thing applies for you, Francium.  Not to mention all those other short-lived trans-uranic elements with half-lives in the microseconds.

Why don’ you guys just get the hell off the Periodical Table, and make room for elements that DESERVE to be there.


Perfect Absolute Zero is impossible to obtain.

But in the lab, they did manage to come within 0.0000000001 degrees of it.

But…um…what’s with that “1”, after all those “0”‘s?

Just WHO does he think he IS?

I don’t care what anyone says, I’m calling this one ZERO.

(Close enough, for crying out loud!)


You know which singularies I’m talking about:

The ones you find in the middle of  black hole, where the gravity is so strong,  whatever mass there is collapses into zero volume.

I’m sorry, but that’s just WRONG.

(It just messes with my head!)

Singularities, nobody likes you!

Especially quantum physicists.

Explore posts in the same categories: Fried Science

31 Comments on “Science that I’m Ungrateful For”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    Friction, you’re the reason why sex feels so good.

    (but not too much friction)


    And I think your neutrino Viking theory makes a lot of sense.

    Especially after about 6 pints.

  2. Friar Says:

    Yes…you don’t want chafing. Very important to avoid that.

    I think my Viking theory deserves more examination. Wonder what Richard Feynman would have thought?

  3. Karen JL Says:

    But methinks there wouldn’t be much friction after those 6 pints. *makes drooping noise*

    And oh yeah…Friar?


  4. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    Viking warriors have a greater tolerance, so it takes at least 15 pints for “brewer’s droop” to set in 🙂

  5. Karen JL Says:

    I should have known.

    Must go find me a Viking, pronto!!

  6. Friar Says:

    Vikings have exceptional droop resistance!


  7. Actually, haven’t most of them switched to 11 dimensions now? M-Theory.

    For me, until it shows predictive capability (for example, having predicted this before it was discovered), it’s just nonsense. A theory about physics that can’t ferret out things we don’t know isn’t really a theory, I think.

    It’s like Maxwell’s demon. That explains things, but it sure as heck can’t predict anything. I feel almost the same about string theory. It’s not quite that bad, and may turn out to be useful or even correct, but right now it is far from either.

  8. Friar Says:


    Pretty cool article about liquid/frozen water. I didn’t know that.

    I’m not eliminating string theory altogether (after all, what the hell do I know about quantum physics?).

    But like you imply, it’s just a model.

    Atoms and relativity used to be models too. But at least we developed the capability of being able to experimentally verify them.

    Can we say the same about string theory?

    The dimensions are so small, the energies required to probe into that scale are so huge…I think we’re reaching our technological/financial limit at being able to prove it.

    Who knows? Maybe in the next few decades, someone will come out with a super-fancy experiment that will answer our questoins, and they’ll get the Nobel Prize.

    But until that happens, for me, the Jury is still out.

  9. Yeah, that was the word I was looking for: model.

    A model isn’t a theory. It looks to me like this stuff is much closer to model than theory.

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    @Tony & Friar,

    Have you guys seen where people take ultra pure water and let it sit for a while (it probably degasses a lot while sitting) and then it won’t freeze at zero C.

  11. Friar Says:

    When a model can explain everything it’s supposed to, chances are it’s pretty close to what the Real Thing is.

    But I agree. String Theory ain’t quite there yet.

    Liquids will stay sub-cooled, provided there isn’t any disturbance, or tiny bubbles or impurity to nucleate crystal growth.

    I’m guessing if you took the ultra-pure frozen water, and tapped the bowl, it would instantly freeze and give off heat.

    Just like those re-usable heating packs they have to warm baby blankets.

  12. Brett Legree Says:

    Heh heh that was the description I wanted to give but I was too busy playing with puppy to get the words out!

  13. Patricia Says:

    I like the viking theory and I learned quite a few things reading this post that I am not sure I will ever need to know. But to learn something new is good…

    More fun to have kiddo’s home for the 4th of July! and celebrate the biking architects birthday before the big ride next weekend.

    Hope you all had a fine Dominion Day?

  14. Friar Says:


    My head is full of useles information like this. I don’t know where it comes from…it just DOES.

    Happy 4th!

    Our Canada Day was last Wednesday (though it used to be called Dominion Day). Some from the old-school think it should still be called that, and get annoyed at the name “Canada Day”.

    Either way, I’ll take what I can get. Even though it was cool and pouring rain…it was still a day off work.

  15. Patricia Says:

    My Aunt Betty who lived in Chilliwack, BC was born on July 1 and we just always called it her Birthday! Now my niece shares that birthday… Our family always had 2 Thanksgivings and 2 Independence Day celebrations – and it was always fun. My mum’s birthday was often on US Thanksgiving

    I loved being in Kenora, Ontario on the 1st, canoeing and portaging the lakes fishing for pickerel…nice memories

  16. Donald Mills Says:

    Well done Friar. Science needs a good slap down now and again in order to keep it in its place. (Plus those scientists are used to being bullied/intimidated and I suspect they secretly like it).

    Kiss my saggy ass Gravity!


  17. Friar Says:

    Northern Ontario is a beautiful spot..I’ve been through Kenora a few times. Not two often..its a 2 day drive from where I live.

    But where I live, the geography is very similar. (In fact, I just got a nice fat pickerel last week!)

    Every once in a while I have to write a science-geek post. It keeps me sharp. I find it’s a plessant change from reading all those blogs telling me how to be happy and improve my life and gum-drop fairies and rainbows and such….

    I agree that gravity deserves to be put in its place. Hmph. It thinks its so great, but in reality, it’s by far the weakest force there is.

  18. XUP Says:

    Har har — I’m laughing extra hard so that no one will notice that I have no idea what you’re talking about — hardy har har

  19. Friar Says:

    @XUP’s ON Wikipedia. You can follow the links and read about it…if you really wanted to. 😉

  20. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You didn’t say anything about the GUT (Grand Unifying Theory) and that hundreds of scientist spend hundreds of hours on it and they have made NO PROGRESS since Einstein proposed it.

    Sounds like a make work project to me.


  21. Friar Says:


    Guess you gotta keep the Physcists employed, and off the streets, though.

    (Otherwise, they might turn to crime, and we’ll start seeing street gangs called names like the Bosons or the Charmed Quarks….).

  22. Oscar Says:

    Copulation occurred to the great delight of both. The DNA loaded zygote takes a tubular trip. After the fertilized egg nestles into the uterine lining, bifurcation occurs. The split creates an embryo consisting of half food (placenta) and half baby. An initial nerve cluster begins to develop in the sacral area. This temporary, first “brain” dominates development in the earliest stages. Then the sacral nerves branch to the head. This is the spark of life. A sudden switch of priority takes place. An extremely dense nerve bundle forms our brain.

    Vestige intelligence remains in our metaphysical “sacral brain” nerve bundle. Doesn’t it seem our gut reaction is always right? Rebuilding the bridge to sacral awareness has taken years of intense meditation. Tapping this ancient source of wisdom and energy is intermittent at best. Each trip is worth any effort put toward reconnecting. Be still my raging mind.

    A single lotus floats on water, smooth like glass. A temporary separation from sanity as the lotus petals blow open and away. Psychedelics and silence until, eventually the flower is without petals. The remainder of the plant is silently sucked, slowly into muddy earth creating a hole. Sunlight shatters ripples and splashes. All of the water slowly drains. Pristine dunes are revealed in the sand. Previously seen only through the distortion of water and greatly blocked by the lotus. Up close the rows seem parallel and endless. From a distance a mandala is revealed. Ancient truths and ancestors can be accessed upon proper focus. All agree, life can be hard.

  23. Cath Lawson Says:

    Now the dark energy really worries me. I think your Viking Theory is the best and a whole lot more believable than the String Theory.

  24. Friar Says:


    Umm..okayyy. I have NO IDEA what you’re talking about.

    But thanks for dropping by. 😉

    Dont’ worry…the dark depressing end of the universe isn’t expected to happen for another 100 billion years or so.

    And who knows? Maybe the force will reverse itself, and everything might crunch together again!

  25. Eyeteaguy Says:

    9 days Friar, 9 days.

    That is all you have left, enjoy the peace and quiet of Splat Creek for 9 more days.

    Then set an extra place setting, because I’m coming over for dinner!


  26. Friar Says:


    Oh, Lord.

    Barricade the windows. Harvest the crops. Hide the Children.

    Eye-tea guy is comin’ to town!

  27. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I don’t climb through windows, or eat crops, or children. You must have me mistaken with Brett.

    I will however kick yer butt at video games, drink your beer and make you laugh out loud.

    Then we can have a discussion about the VLA, SETI and other science projects with cool acronyms in capital letters! I dare you to name 10.


  28. Friar Says:


    You and Brett already had a few hours practice with that video game before I arrived. This time, I wanna start learning how to play, the same time you guys do!


    (Okay…I made the last two up).

  29. Patricia Says:

    SMYGMA is a real word – I had to use it lots when teaching AIDS prevention to Gay men during my grad school internship…

  30. Friar Says:


    Heh heh. Yes, I know it’s a real word.

    It’s just not a cool-sounding acronym for a Science Project.

    But it almost SHOULD be. 😉

  31. Patricia Says:

    Got my attention today!
    Wish I knew how the brother’s mum was recovering? I am thinking about her and wishing her well.

    I leave on the 20th for Scotland walk…an update would be nice 🙂

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