Zen Habits for Non-Zen Activities
Zen Habits of Monster Trucks
– Don’t try to drive the truck. BE the truck.
– Keep it simple and avoid multitasking. Either capsize, or smash into your opponent. Don’t try to do both.
– Remember to breathe deeply. This will empower you when yelling “YEEE-HAW!”
– Respect the cars you destroy. Only run over the ones you absolutely have to.
Zen Habits of Football
– Astroturf isn’t necessarily any softer or harder than natural grass. It just IS.
– Why tackle your opponent? Instead, offer to sit down and discuss your differences together, over a cup of mango-blackberry herbal tea.
– Take time to be mindful. Feel the leathery surface of the ball. Touch the rough edges of the laces.
– Become aware of the sharp pain you feel as the Line-Backers cream you, while you were too busy navel-gazing.
Zen Habits of Bingo
– Don’t regret the numbers you’re missing. Be thankful for the ones you have.
– Don’t stress out trying to play too many cards at once. Enjoy the game, by just playing one.
– Be comfortable with who you are, and don’t be concerned about your physical appearance. Nobody else is either.
– Breathe deeply. This will empower you when you need to yell “BINGO!”
– Better yet, if you win, just get up and leave. Knowing that you’ve won is reward enough.
Zen Habits of Throwing a Tantrum (for a child)
– Remember, the intensity of your conniption-fit is not so important, as the duration. Keep the end-goal in sight.
– Proper diet is important to fuel your burst of energy. Have a healthy bowl of sugar-cereal beforehand.
– Don’t forget to breathe deeply. This will oxygenate your muscles for the thrashing and kicking, and will help you scream louder.
– Persevere. After all is said and done, you may still not get your way. After all, tomorrow is always another tantrum.
Zen Habits of Scrubbing the Toilet
– Accept the fact that in life, shit happens.
– Be grateful for what you have. The fact that the toilet needs cleaning means you’re lucky to have enough to eat.
– This is one case where you don’t want to breathe too deeply.
– Think of the toilet as your life, and this is a metaphor for eliminating the layers of evil and foulness you have accumulated.
– Embrace the whiteness of the porcelain as it’s wiped clean. It represents purity and rebirth.