Zen Habits for Non-Zen Activities

Zen Habits of Monster Trucks
– Don’t try to drive the truck.  BE the truck.
– Keep it simple and avoid multitasking.   Either capsize, or smash into your opponent.  Don’t try to do both.
– Remember to breathe deeply.  This will empower you when yelling “YEEE-HAW!”
– Respect the cars you destroy.  Only run over the ones you absolutely have to.

Zen Habits of Football
– Astroturf isn’t necessarily any softer or harder than natural grass.  It just IS.
– Why tackle your opponent?  Instead, offer to sit down and discuss your differences together, over a cup of mango-blackberry herbal tea.
– Take time to be mindful.   Feel the leathery surface of the ball.   Touch the rough edges of the laces.
– Become aware of the sharp pain you feel as the Line-Backers cream you, while you were too busy navel-gazing.

Zen Habits of Bingo
– Don’t regret the numbers you’re missing.  Be thankful for the ones you have.
– Don’t stress out trying to play too many cards at once.   Enjoy the game, by just playing one.
– Be comfortable with who you are, and don’t be concerned about your physical appearance.  Nobody else is either.
– Breathe deeply.   This will empower you when you need to yell “BINGO!”
– Better yet, if you win, just get up and leave.   Knowing that you’ve won is reward enough.

Zen Habits of Throwing a Tantrum (for a child)
– Remember, the intensity of your conniption-fit is not so important, as the duration.  Keep the end-goal in sight.
– Proper diet is important to fuel your burst of energy.   Have a healthy bowl of sugar-cereal beforehand.
– Don’t forget to breathe deeply.   This will oxygenate your muscles for the thrashing and kicking, and will help you scream louder.
– Persevere.   After all is said and done, you may still not get your way.  After all, tomorrow is always another tantrum.

Zen Habits of Scrubbing the Toilet
– Accept the fact that in life, shit happens.
– Be grateful for what you have.   The fact that the toilet needs cleaning means you’re lucky to have enough to eat.
– This is one case where you don’t want to breathe too deeply.
– Think of the toilet as your life, and this is a metaphor for eliminating the layers of evil and foulness you have accumulated.
– Embrace the whiteness of the porcelain as it’s wiped clean. It represents purity and rebirth.

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14 Comments on “Zen Habits for Non-Zen Activities”

  1. Davina Says:

    Okay, I’ll be the first to comment, which I can do now that I’ve stopped laughing. You had me at “BE the truck.” 🙂

    That’s three posts in one day, plus a Follow Friday; I’m not stalking you, honest!

  2. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    Oh, that’s okay. You haven’t been around for a while, so three times in one day is okay! 🙂

  3. Kyddryn Says:

    Mister Friar, sir…I think…I love you…

    Or it could be indigestion…

    Cheers for the laugh…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  4. Karen JL Says:

    This is all *way* too deep for me.

    Gonna go watch cartoons.

  5. Mer Says:

    I’m with Davina on “BE the truck.” That was awesome.

    Good post, Friar. 🙂

    Mer

  6. Mark Says:

    That is deep

  7. Friar Says:

    @kyydryn

    Lots of women tell me that…but in the end, it always turns out to be indigestion.

    @Karen

    I recommend Sponge-Bob, then. He’s pretty Zen.

    @Mer
    D’you think maybe there’s a market to teach monster truck drivers Zen habits? (If not, there’s always Nascar).

    @Mark
    Hence, that’s why my blog is called the DEEP Friar.

  8. Brett Legree Says:

    I think Wile E. Coyote is a Zen practitioner too.

    You’d have to be, to absorb the punishment he does…

  9. Mer Says:

    I have to admit I’m not a big fan. I’ve only seen them rolling over each other in commercials. There’s something about the smashing into the other guy’s truck they may not want to give up, though. Kind of like Everest. I mean, it’s there isn’t it?

  10. Friar Says:

    Mer

    Think of it as an observational session in cultural anthropology.

    It’s worth going….ONCE.

    I did, about 15 years ago. It was fun. I had a good time. But that was ENOUGH.


  11. […] and ice cream castles” as he puts it, I prescribe for you one of his most recent posts: Zen Habits for Non-Zen Activities. This is in my top-ten list of all-time favourite blog posts. Humour and realness at it’s […]

  12. Lori Hoeck Says:

    Davina recommended this post. I see why. You inspired me:

    — Zen Habits for reading Deep Friar —

    *Don’t skim. Absorb fully the dancing sarcasm and snarkiness. Be the snarkiness.

    *Embrace the wily realism, the sweeping disregard for any sacred cows.

    *Breathe in the fresh perspectives blowing on the mountain tops far from the echo chamber.

    *Take time to ponder and leave a mindful comment borne out of the experience.


  13. Hi Friar,

    I’m so happy Davina highlighted this post. It’s superb! These are not just great ideas for non-zen activities, but for life in general.

    I love the line, “Be grateful for what you have. The fact that the toilet needs cleaning means you’re lucky to have enough to eat.” Ain’t that the truth?

  14. Friar Says:

    @Lori

    Snarky?

    Who….ME? 😀

    I’m not a big fan about famous quotes, but there’s one from Mark Twain that I liked. To paraphrase: Sacred cows make the best hamburger!

    @Barbara

    And to think…I’ve never had ONE single Zen lesson.

    (Assuming there are Zen Lessons you can take…maybe at Zen College or something) 😉


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