Other Wishes I’d ask a Genie to Grant Me.
If a genie were to grant us three wishes, what would most of us ask for? Typically, we’d go for the high-priority stuff: 50 bazillion dollars. Health. Happiness. World Peace…etc.
But what if the Genie granted us more wishes? (Say, FIFTY?). Then we could afford to be a bit more cavalier with our choices.
Here’s what extra stuff I’d ask for (though NOT necessarily in this order):
Re-arrange the Earth’s Geology
Move all the oil reserves from the Middle East, and plunk them right under North America. Now, we don’t have to deal with all those whacked-out countries anymore. And I can drive my SUV and feel less guilty about it.
An eternally clean bum
We primates may one of the more intelligent species on the planet, but our derrieres are certainly NOT designed to stay clean after a Number Two.
I’m jealous of my sister’s dog, Tipper. Despite all her fur, she can take a crap, and afterwards, her arse is perfectly clean. No mess, no cling-one, nothing. Wouldn’t it be great, if we humans could do that?
Imagine, never having to wipe again. And not needing to.
Eat all I want
But my cholesterol would be okay. (And I’d still have a perfect body like that guy on those asshole Bowflex commercials.)
The pefect soul-mate
Who’s intelligent, has a sense of humor, loves animals, is a gourmet chef, is good in bed, etc.. (And who’d also have a perfect body like that Barbie-doll on those asshole Bowflex commercials.)
Most people start to hate the water
Beachfront property will be considered 2nd-rate. Prime real-estate will now be around the cornfields of Nebraska. Then I could have all the lakes and coast-lines all to myself.
An Iron-Clad Bladder
You know that feeling you have, when you’re so perfectly COMFORTABLE in a warm bed, but you have to get up to go to the bathroom.? Geez, I HATE that…!
Wish I could turn off the bladder-response trigger, and postpone it for a few hours. And only go when I WANT to…not when I NEED to.
Fisherman start liking Bottom-Feeders
Everyone goes after catfish and carp. Speckled trout and walleye are plentiful everywhere, because they’re considered “garbage fish” and nobody wants them.
A Carnivore Garden
Where you can grow pizza and cheesburgers, right off the vine. Instead of lame-ass legumes and vegetables.
A Beatles Re-union
George and John arent’ really dead. They just staged it, because they were getting sick of being celebrities and wanted some time to themselves. Now they’re ready to re-unite with Paul and Ringo, to make another album, which will be even BETTER than all the others.
Transplant a few of the Rocky Mountains
Take 10-12 peaks from Alberta (they wont’ miss ’em), and plop them down in Ontario somewhere. Only to make our geography more interesting, and give us some decent ski hills for a change.
Human fertility drops
There’s a harmless virus going around, which only affects the reproductive system. People can still have kids, just that it takes a bit longer andmore attmepts. Nobody’s hurt or dies, but the planet population stabiltiizes down to sustainable levels.
The onset of an Ice-Age
Just enough, so that it perfectly offsets “Global Warming” , and now the planet’s temperature is juuuuust right.
Oh, and also, when Al Gore wants to spread his Gospel of the Inconvenient Truth, he’s forced to drive around a 1991 Honda Civic, instead of using his Gulfstream Jet.
People lose interest in Nature
They’ll be so busy with Face-Book and Twitter and such, no one goes outside The National Parks will be uncrowded, back to the way they were in the 1930s. Finding a campsite or uncrowded hiking trails is never a problem any more.
George Bush gets the Nobel Peace Prize
Only for my own entertainment puposes. Imagine the uproar.