Idiot Rodents

Most wild animals have a healthy respect for humans.

They know we’re predators, so they usually try to stay away from us.

Not beavers.

We think they’re so smart and industrious.

But REALLY…how bright can they be?

You see, given a whole huge empty MARSH to live in…

…they’ll go out of their way to cut down trees hundreds of feet away…


…drag them through the swamp…


..and build their home,Β  RIGHT NEXT TO THE BOARDWALK.


Good survival instincts, there, bub.

Well done.

(But seriously, who REALLY builds those dams for you?)

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25 Comments on “Idiot Rodents”

  1. Bandobras Says:

    Are you sure the Beavers aren’t there in order to get the humans? I’ve always been a bit afraid of a beaver with teeth, strong enough to chop down trees. Be very very careful.

  2. steph Says:

    Hey, that boardwalk is made of wood. Maybe the beaver was thinking that if he ever got in a pinch, he’d have all the wood he needs right next door instead of having to drag branches through the swamp!

    You never know.

  3. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Bandobras,

    No need to be araid of these dumb critters. They’re only out to get humans who are sporting a wooden leg, or wearing wooden clogs.

    They’re scaredy critters. Even at a distance, if a beaver notices movement from a human, it will slap its flat tail on the surface of the water and immediately submerge.

    Speak about being dumb. During one of my walks along a wide fast-flowing river, I noticed the results of their futile work. They felled a huge willow tree into the river. No way on earth could a bevy of beavers dam a wide river which people use for motor boats and sailing.

    Friar’s Mom

  4. Friar Says:


    Interesting theory.

    I’d like to know what the stats are for Beaver-related deaths.

    Well, if Bucky the Beaver is so smart, howcum he didn’t use the boardwalk to make his home, in the first place? πŸ˜‰

    @Friar’s Mom
    Exactly! Dumb, dumb, DUMB.

    Remember that hike we did, and we saw all those trees chewed down, randomly fallen all over the place? Half of them couldn’t have possibly reached the water.

    I think bumblebees are smarter. At least their hives have ORDER.

  5. Kelly Says:


    LOL. I was wondering, same as you, why the beavers didn’t use the boardwalk?

    Calling zoologists… is it the smell? Or don’t they know it’s a tree if there’s no bark?

    Neat post. You see the darndest things!



  6. Brett Legree Says:

    You see that lump, just to the right of the third stick in the fifth row?

    Yep. It’s a dish for satellite DSL. Those beavers are reading The Deep Friar right now.

    They know you’ll be back, next year.

    They’ve been carefully gnawing away at that boardwalk, after estimating your weight, so as soon as you step foot on it *SPLASH*

    Heh heh…

  7. Karen Swim Says:

    LOL! Well, wild animals used to have a healthy respect for humans but I am convinced that the animal kingdom is rebelling! They completely resent us from taking away their land and are getting pretty bold about telling us to back off. Or maybe I’m just feeling the effects of playing too much Alien Shooter on the computer. πŸ™‚

  8. XUP Says:

    Do you know that beavers build dams mainly to shut out noise? In a still pond in a quiet area they don’t build dams at all – just in a noisy, rushing water type area. So, I’m thinking they built this dam by the boardwalk so they could get some peace and quiet from the yappy tourists.

  9. Friar Says:


    Mabye Bandobras has a point, the beavers are out to get us. The critters will quietly lie there in ambush, to mug all the tourists as they go by.

    Exactly…and when I go SPLASH and go under, they’ll feast on my bones for months.

    Little bastards…don’t trust ’em. Not for a minute.


    This wasn’t their dam..this was their lodge. Three feet away where everyone walks. It’s like building your cottage right next to an airport.

    I have a hard time accepting animals can be this stupid. There HAS to be a reason for this. The beavers must KNOW something…

    I blame Global Warming.

    If a wolf or grizzly bear tells me to back off, I’ll respectfully listen.

    But I refuse to listen to a RODENT.

    Maybe it’s time beaver hats came back into fashion. πŸ˜€

  10. Kyddryn Says:

    I bet they’re smarter than sheep. Which isn’t much of an accomplishment – rutabagas are smarter than sheep.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  11. Friar Says:


    Sheeps’ saving grace, is that their wool coat keeps growing back, so we let them live.

    If it was just a one-time fur coat (like with the beavers), they’d be extinct by now.

  12. steph Says:

    Friar: Boardwalk wood isn’t his fave building material. It’s only there in case of emergency, you see, a last resort.

  13. Captain Push Says:

    I can’t say what I want about beavers on this family site because Friar’s mom would bounce me forever.

    So I’ll just rise up in support of beavers.

    Oh and Xup sent me some of that strange chemical she’s imbibing. Now everything makes sense.

  14. Friar Says:

    Maybe the were going to use the boardwalk to drag the trees on (instead of the swamp).

    Beavers. Heh heh heh. I shoulda seen this coming.

    Thanks for not saying what you wanted to say. Because Friar’s Mom would never let ME hear the end of it.

  15. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Captain Push,

    I suggest you stay with the subject on hand,the beaver. It’s Canada’s largest rodent.

    Did you know that Canada’s early economic history was tied to the fur trade in beaver fur, used to make hats fashionable in Europe.

    If you want to know more about Canada’s national symbol this “Hinterland Who’s Who” website is informative.

    See, you too can learn from Friar’s website.

    Friar’s Mom

  16. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Ah hem. That is not a dam or a lodge. Its a pill box. Its the beaver DEW line. Look on Google maps. The line of pill boxes goes for miles. Too bad they are respecting the treaty with Quebec and aren’t continuing the line through the Ardenne forest. They left the side door wide open.

    Best T-shirt ever. “So you’re Canadian eh? Prove it, show me your beaver.”


  17. Brett Legree Says:

    Beavers. They like to eat logs.

  18. Friar Says:


    Just so long as they dont’ launch their IPBM’s. (Inter Pond Ballistic Maples).

  19. Friar Says:



    I don’t even know her.

    @Friar’s Mom

    Thanks for setting the Captain straight! πŸ™‚

  20. Brett Legree Says:

    I guess we shouldn’t print that famous quote by June Cleaver, eh?

    (Ask Ward about that one.)

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    And what kind of perverted writer names a kid “Beaver Cleaver”, anyway…

  22. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Same kind of guy that names his kid Zowie Bowie.

    Now there is a subject we can all warm up to. Dumb names. Apple? Soleil Moon Frye? C’mon…..

    Eyeteaguy <–not my real name

  23. Friar Says:

    Oh, Ward knew what he was doing, when he named his son.

    He foresaw good things for his boy. Good things.


    Friar’s not my real name either. I’ve also been known as (Coach) Bud, and Mobeel.

    (Don’t ask..!)

  24. Davina Says:

    This is hilarious! We had beaver problems on our farm, oh, bout 30 years ago. They kept damming up the creek that fed our horse’s pasture, and we’d keep tearing it apart again.

    I used to lay in wait in the long grass to watch them and if they saw me, slap went their tails on the green water. I think they eventually gave up… or come to think of it, maybe they found a boardwalk somewhere nearby – ha, ha.

  25. Friar Says:

    Damned things, with their tail slapping. They STILL catch me by surprise. I’m having a Zen moment on a calm peaceful lake..and SPLASHH!! They scare the BeJesus out of me.

    To make up for it, sometimes I’ll follow them in my canoe, just to piss them off, and make them splash, on purpose.

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