Your Job Prospects After They Drop the Big One

Hydrogen bomb

Wine Taster
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Once the fall-out dissipates, alcohol (ANY alcohol) will be highly-prized, and guzzled with great enthusiasm.   We won’t need pseudo-intellectual bozos telling us about “bouquet” and “earthiness”

Alternative New Career: Commune grape-stomper.


Job: Electrical Engineer
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Pretty much useless, as we wont’ have electricity for the foreseeable future.  And when we do, it will be 1860’s-era technology.

Alternative New Career: Telegraph Operator (if we ever get around to re-inventing it).


Job: Chemical Engineer
Status: Still very  much in demand.
Reason: You’ll need someone who knows how to ferment the pig shit into methanol, to fuel the few remaining tractors that still exist.   Besides, Chem-E’s know all about distillation, which will be pretty handy when it comes to making booze.


Job: Movie actors
Status: No longer required.
Reason: Even if movies and theaters still existed, nobody could afford to go, as the $10.00 admission price would be the equivalent to a months’ wages.

Alternative New Career: Court jester to the local Feudal War-Lord (but they better be funny, or ELSE…!)


Job: Social Media Gurus, SEO consultants, and Bloggers.
Status: Totally effing useless.
Reason: The internet would have disappeared in the first few minutes of the nuclear exchange.  The electromagnetic pulse (EMP) of the bombs going off would have fried every computer and server on the planet

Alternative New Career: Urine collector for the local tannery.


Job: WWF Wrestler
Status: Still needed.
Reason: We’d still need law enforcement.   They’d make great bouncers at the gate of the village compound.


Job: Vegans
Status: Extinct
Reason: Eaten by the hordes of radioactive zombie-mutants still roaming the ruined cities.

Alternative New Career: None. (Extinct!…remember? )


Job: Doctors
Status: Still very much needed.
Reason: Well, DUH.


Job: New-Age Healers
Status: Dangerously close to extinction.
Reason: Killed, and or run out of town, as angry mobs discover that aromatherapy and banging prayer-drums won’t do jack-shit to cure radiation sickness and burns.

Alternative New Career: Chemical Engineer Apprentice (after all, someone needs to shovel the pig shit into the boiler).


Job: Life Coach
Status: No longer required.
Reason: At this point, it would be pretty clear what “Life” would involve:  trying not to get killed and/or not to starve to death.   Would we really need coaching for that?

Alternative Career: Zombie decoy (see “Vegans”).


Job: Tanning Salon Operator
Status: No longer required.
Reason: We’ll already be plenty brown enough, after the ozone layer is blown away and we’re scorched by the sun.

Alternative New Career: Human shield.  Or cannon fodder.  Take your pick.


Job: Poet
Status: Highly-respected.  Much in demand
Reason: Even Medieval Pre-industrial societies will still need to be entertained with stories of warriors and Gods.   Heck, if it was good enough for the Vikings,  then it’d be good enough for us!

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22 Comments on “Your Job Prospects After They Drop the Big One”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    Your job prospects after they drop the big one if *I’m* around.

    My next meal.

    (Well, I *am* a Viking, after all.)

  2. I think you’ve got the job of poet/court jester pretty much locked up!
    Great post!

  3. Friar Says:


    I hear it tastes just like pork.

    ..and the sad thing is, half those $30-million Hollywood actors wouldn’t even make it as court jesters.

  4. Karen JL Says:

    How did all those pigs survive?

    (I hope they rebel and eat all the left over humans.)

  5. Friar Says:


    No, the first animals that will take over will be the beavers (see my previous post).

  6. Kyddryn Says:

    Whew…good to know I may finally have an audience for my poetry! I just have to engineer nuclear Armageddon. I’ll get right on that.

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  7. Friar Says:


    Yes, unlike the ahk-tors, the poets actually get off easy in post-war society. 😉

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Well, I’m out of a job then. YEAH!!!!!!

    I’ll have to fall back on my mechanics degree, fixing all those tractors.


  9. Friar Says:


    Well, lookit the bright side. No more cell phone calls at midnite because the server is down…there IS no server.

    Your mechanics degree certainly would come in handy. Also, you could help salvage the copper wire from the old abandonned work stations.

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    How about yoga instructor?

    Because, if they really drop the big one, we’ll all have to bend over and kiss our asses goodbye.

    I’m not that flexible anymore.

  11. Friar Says:

    Senior managers can already do that. They got their head up their arse all the time.

  12. XUP Says:

    Vegan is not a profession.

  13. Friar Says:


    It ISN’T? 😮

    Because I would have thought that someone would have to be PAID, to stick to such a harsh diet!

    Oh well. Call it a career choice, then.

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    Vegan may not be a profession, but bacon-wrapped vegans are still mighty tasty (especially with strontium-laced bacon!)

  15. Friar Says:

    I wonder what Vegans would taste more like? Pork? Or tofu?

    (In theory, of course…)

  16. Brett Legree Says:

    Definitely pork.

    I mean, pigs eat veggies, right?

  17. Friar Says:

    Somehow, I think of Vegans as tasting like Scallops.

    (But that’s probably the image the bacon-wrapping doing that).

  18. XUP Says:

    Vegans aren’t as gamey tasting as omnivores. They have a sweeter, milder, less pungent flavour with maybe the teensiest hint of cardamom

  19. Friar Says:


    Similar to grain-fed free-range chickens, perhaps?

  20. XUP Says:

    Exactly. As proof I offer my fridge magnet, which clearly states: Vegetarians taste better.

  21. Friar Says:

    Okay…I’m make a note of that. (For future reference!)

  22. Many years ago my father was trying to sell a boiler to the Federal Govt. They had all sorts of requirements, including that the contractor must guarantee that the equipment would still function after a nuclear attack.

    While examining his bid, the Govt person asked “How can you guarantee that?”

    My father answered “How will you know it isn’t still running?”

    I don’t know whether he got the contract, but it was his favorite story of government stupidity.

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