Proof that Hippies are Alive and and Well on Twitter

Twiiter Hippies

These are actual self-proclaimed bio-descriptions from some of my Twitter followers.

Seriously.

(I couldn’t make these up if I tried, folks!)

******************************

– Shooter of photos, not people
(Well, GOOD for you!)

– Clairvoyant Healer
(So, theoretically you should already be able to make me better, without me even asking.)

– Lover of People
(I bet you also don’t shoot people.)

– Idea Explorer
(Personally, I’d have narrowed this down to “Good Idea” Explorer.)

– Eco-geek into Human Evolution and Sharing
(Let me guess.  You don’t eat meat, right? )

– Soul-Traveler
(Like, wow…)

– Connector of Marketing Dots
(Do you use a crayon for that? )

– Personality Consultant
(Funny, that was my guidance counsellors’ 2nd career choice for me.)

– Human Nature Specialist
(Please tell me, what accredited university do you need to go to, to get a degree in that?)

– Journey Learner
(WTF?)

– Believer in Forgiveness
(Does that also include spammers?)

– Serene Journey Blogger
(…as opposed to just “Blogger”?)

– Confidence Coach
(Not a Life Coach, but a “Confidence” one.  There’s apparently a difference.)

Vagabond Theologian
(C’mon, I’m pretty sure you could get a theologian job, if you just applied yourself.)

Curious Christian
(I think the Curious Christian should team up with the Vagabond Theologian.  Imagine the ADVENTURES they’d have!)

Retreat Proselytizer
(Again, WTF?)

Story Midwife
(I wonder if they’d know how to do a Poetry C-Section, then?)

Avid Art Journaler
(So…do you actually DO art, or just journal it?)

Life-Wide Explorer
(Well, THAT pretty much covers it, dosen’ it?)

– Purebred Douchebag
(My personal favorite!   At least, this one I can relate to!)

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49 Comments on “Proof that Hippies are Alive and and Well on Twitter”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    What about “Rod Polisher”?

    🙂

  2. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    That would fall under the category of “Social Media Expert”.

  3. Davina Says:

    Tisk… Friar, you’re just tryin ta be COOL so’s you’ll get lotsa comments ;-)Poetry C-Section AAAA-HAHAHAHAHA…just peed my pants.

  4. Friar Says:

    @Davina
    I’m glad you like it 🙂

    But Cool kid, my ass. I bet you not even 20 different people will comment on this post.

    (Not that I don’t think it’s a good post, just that’s the way things are).

    If I had written something like “15 tips on how to be more pro-active”, the wanna-bees would be coming out in droves.

  5. Amy Says:

    Allow me to add a few. 😉

    Rebirthing Therapist, Young Living Essential Oils Trainer

    I’m an Indian Psychic & Gifted Spellcaster. I can reunite lovers & stop divorce. I will balance your chakra & aura to fufill complete balance and harmony.

    Visual Journeyer

    Master of Tantric Avoidance

    Psychic Empath and Energy Weaver

    The Mindful Messenger

    alternative energy oracle

    With gratitude, channeling Universal Life & Life-Force Energy through my hands for the benefit of all life.

    Wax Wizardess and Candle Maker Extraordinaire

    Minister, spiritual guide and celebrant who is creating a vitrual community around the earth.

  6. Friar Says:

    @Amy

    Energy weaver, eh? Maybe they can knit me some underwear to keep me awake at the office.

    What’s really SAD…is I know you’re not making these up.

    Sigh. Like flies on shit….You and I seem to attract all the good ones, eh?

  7. Karen JL Says:

    You sure that first one is a hippie and not a redneck?

    P.S.: Twitter is dumb

  8. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    No, he’s a hippie. He’s too skinny to be a redneck.

    And Twitter allows the Dream-Weavers to fulfill their Life’s Destiny and share their Karmic-Aura of Positiveness with Mother Earth.

  9. Bandobras Says:

    Well I was going to comment but I don’t want to put the number up over 20.

  10. XUP Says:

    Wait…you have Twitter followers? What the hell exactly are Twitter followers? Can you get a restraining order? What do Twitter followers do? How do you get them? Did you apply for them or do they just appear? Why do you want them? Can you get rid of them or is it a permanent condition? Are they here right now? Can they see me? Does tin-foil help repel them?

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    Hey man. That bird is smoking a doob.

    Which might explain why Twitter is so messed up.

  12. Amy Says:

    Couldn’t make that shit up if I tried. Sometimes people follow me and I DM them to ask what their bio means… but usually I feel I’m safest not knowing.

    Now, if someone invented a Twitter restraining order THAT would make money! I’d buy a baker’s dozen, minimum.

    There’s an ecard at someecards.com that says “I wish their was a social network where everyone would leave me the fuck alone.” I’d sign up for that too.

  13. Mer Says:

    Shooter of people, not photos

    Duuuuuuude. That’s not what it says. ;p

    Mer

  14. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – So hippies are now shooting people too? Damn.

  15. Kelly Says:

    Friar,

    Thank you for reminding me why I don’t Tweet. Sometimes I get a little wistful, but I’m cured for a month or two now.

    Best isn’t in the post:

    Brett: What about “Rod Polisher”?

    @Brett
    That would fall under the category of “Social Media Expert”.

    LMAO.

    Regards,

    Kelly

  16. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Don’t Twitter, Fritter… your time away.

    I wonder what I should put in my Bio on Twitter.

    Tormenter extrordinaire? Bane of Fiar’s existance?
    Or just, I like to bug Friar.

    Eyeteaguy

  17. Friar Says:

    @Bandobras
    Woops…Too late.

    But you’re only my 5th commenter, so you’re still safe.

    @XUP
    If you click on someone who’s just “Tweeted” something (i.e. maybe typed that they’ve just wiped their arse or something), you can “Follow” them. Meaning, that every time they Tweet, you get see what they wrote.

    Some followers are on-line friends you actually want to talk to. That accounts for 0.0145% of all followers.

    The rest are spammers trying to sell you their snake oil. Or idiots who just “collect” followers. Every time someone writes something, they follow you. (Or they have douche-bag auto-bots that automatically follow you if you type in a key-word.

    You CAN get the equivalent of a restraining order. (I.e. “block” them). But they accumulate so fast..like flies on shit…you just give up, and let the idiots follow you.

    And nothing repels them. NOTHING. Even when I openly ridicule them, they still come to follow me. As I’ve said before…like flies on shit.

    @Brett
    Often, the Bird will share the hash-pipe with the Fail Whale, whenever he shows up.

    @Amy
    Hey, let’s start our own anti-social media club.

    @Mer
    Whoops..you’re right. I have to edit that. It’s the other way around.

    @Karen
    Nooo..it was a Freudian slip (Mabye I wanted to shoot some hippies). It’s edited back to normal now.

    @Kelly
    Actually, I think I might have just insulted the Rod Polishers.

    @Eyeteaguy
    I’m flattered at all the attention you’re giving me. But really, dude. I’m concerned. You need to develop some other interests.

  18. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Other interests? I’m trying to lose some other interests so I can give you the attention you deserve.

    I’d rather be laser beam than a 60 W bulb.

    And here is where Brett’s pops in as advises us “In what Wattage” the beam is in.

    Eyebulbguy

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    Eyeteaguy is a “phased plasma rifle in the 40 W range”.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phased_plasma_gun

  20. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I am officially laughing out loud. I love inside jokes.

    I’ll set ’em up, you knock ’em down.

  21. Mer Says:

    @ Karen

    I am so not a hippy. I’m too young this time. 😉

    Mer

  22. Mer Says:

    @ Friar

    Mostly, I’m indescribable.

    Mer

  23. Eyeteaguy Says:

    That’s not true. I’ve described you quite accurately on several occasions.

    If an OCD person were to truly be OCD they would have CDO.

    If you get that one, then you are my hero.

  24. Brett Legree Says:

    College of Denturists of Ontario?

    (CDO…)

    Heh heh heh.

  25. Friar Says:

    @Brett and Eyeteaguy
    Okay..whatever. (I’m not in your “Cool Clique”, I don’t get your inside jokes).

    @Mer
    I vaguely remember hippies when I was seven. They used to say “Groovy” and make peace signs.

    And then 1973 happened. I guess that’s when they became extinct.

  26. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Terminator walks into a gun shop and buys some guns. Then asks for a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range. That’s all.

    And as for CDO? Its OCD in alphabetical order. That is funny, you are laughing.

    Eyet….oh fuck it…. I’m going to watch foreign films without subtitles.

  27. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Ohhh…I SEE.

    I’ve seen the Terminator movies several times. I just don’t remember all the lines like you movie-geeks.

    I am lookink for Sarah Connah. Which is about all I remember.

    Or “He will live”.

  28. Brett Legree Says:

    I still say groovy. But I say it because of Bruce Campbell.

  29. Eyeteaguy Says:

    “Give me some sugar baby”

  30. Eyeteaguy Says:

    29 comments? That sux.

    Let’s try this. I’ll pick a name and we suggest Twitter Bios for them.

    Bruce Campbell
    Bruce Willis
    Robert the Bruce (see Braveheart)

    Eyeteaguy

  31. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Like I predicted, less than 20 different commenters.

    I’m not a cool kid. Not even when you’re trying to help.

    Bruce Campbell = Eyebrow Nurturer.
    Bruce Willis = Hair Loss Denier
    Robert the Bruce = Intestine Loser

  32. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Who cares. I am Frittering

    Bruce Campbell – Chainsaw Synthesis Expert
    Bruce Willis – Sequel Sequencer
    Robert the Bruce – Facial Hair Innovator

    Eyeteaguy – Frittering Convert

  33. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    You know why it’s slow here today? I didn’t post any photos of lame-ass dead fish.

  34. Elizebeth Says:

    @Brett…Rod Polisher ahahahahahaha and @ Friar equals social media expert OMFG ahahahaha I’m laughing so hard my face hurts. And will I ever remember: DO NOT Read Friar’s blog while drinking coffee.LOL

    This post made me go check my bio on twitter. 😉 I still really don’t get twitter. If you want a conversation with a group of people there are much better ways—messenger, phone, local bar, dinner party. If it’s for marketing, who’s your target market–Bambi with her new hot pics or the Millionaire-in-24hrs? At least on messenger you know who’s online if you wanted to contact them. And are phones an antiquated communication method now? (Sigh) my age must showing.

  35. Friar Says:

    @Elizebeth
    Yeah, aint’ it amazing, that the marketing spammers just HAPPEN to be hot gorgeous Bambis? (I know this to be true, becaues their avatars tell me so…) 🙂

    See half the people there want to “Help you” set up your Internet business. The other half are trying sell you their snake oil.

    I can just see our society in 10 years. Nobody is a farmer, laborer, doctor, lawyer, grocer, mechanic. No, we’re all millionaires, Twittering at home, because we signed up for one of those course. (You know…where you can earn $10,000 an hour, just by sitting and having a pulse).

  36. seestor Says:

    Brother-fry,

    You mock those that offer tweeted life-guidance because you continue to reject the stark reality that you need help. Lots of it.

    All of your followers need help too, except Eyehotguy. Oh, and Xup. I’m with Xup … What is a Twitter, and does it come in blubairy flavour?

    Oh and the girl bloggers don’t need help because they seem to have their sh?# together. And there’s mother-fry, who is as “eyes wide open” as ever, she’s ok and needs our protection.Oscar is ok too, because he seems to already be earthy and “saved”.

    So essentially, that
    only leaves you and Brett as the desperate ones. Drink on, warped vikings.

    Seestor

    (Does this post mean I’m not getting a “holiday season” gift this year?)

  37. Brett Legree Says:

    Why am I desperate?

    (I *do* have a wife and four kids, after all. Then again, maybe I am desperate for “other” reasons heh heh…)

  38. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Seestor

    I need help but not in the way most people think. You know anyone who can help me configure DirectAccess on a Server 2008 R2 box without a secure certificate?

    Oh Brett is desparate all right, but not in the way most people think. You know anyone who will hire a brilliant chemical engineer and take him away from Splat Creek forever?

    As for Friar, his desperation makes a good target for my wit.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. Eyehotguy? You must have seen my photo on Twitter.

  39. Kelly Says:

    Eyehotguy. LOL, LOL… Friar’s Seestor, best laugh I’ve had all day. I see somebody sharpened her rapier wit before wandering over here today!

  40. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hey, what’s so funny? I am a stud! Rippling muscles, the whole 9 inches…yards I mean.

    And I am smart and a snappy dresser. Don’t judge me by my friends.

    Eyestudguy

  41. Kelly Says:

    Not laughing at the idea of your being hot. I have no idea. You could be Brad Pitt. You wife likes you, that’s got to be a good thing…. Only laughing at the nickname.

    Okay, maybe a little at the idea. Just a smidgen.

    & smart dressers rock. 🙂

  42. Friar Says:

    @Seestor
    Wow…this is a snarky side to you that I didn’t know you had. I’m impressed.

    Though I’m sure Eyeteaguy is punching the air right now, and ululating “You GO, Girl!”

    But I must admit, “Drink on, warped Vikings”, is the BEST advice I’ve received this month.

    (But who is Oscar? )

    @EyeDouchebagGuy

    See? I told ya my sister has a blog-crush on you.

    @Kelly
    I’ve seen Eyeteaguy in person.

    You’d be disappointed.

  43. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Actually I was yelling “Rock ON!”

    I’m flattered, but taken. But I will allow her to join my legion of devotees.

    You were dissappointed because I didn’t show you the whole nine yards, and if I did, you’d be impressed.

    Eyehotstudandsnappydresserguy

  44. Cath Lawson Says:

    LMAO – there’s some weirdos out there. WTF is a personality consultant?

  45. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Nine yards?

    Probalby more like nine centimeters.

    Not that I would know.

    @Cath
    Yeah, it’s amazing, isnt’ it?

    Sometimes real life makes the best comedy writing.

    Maybe you and “Barbara” ( 😉 ) can re-write your Twitter Bios to fit right into the group. (I’m half tempted to do that myself)

  46. Eyeteaguy Says:

    6 days, no new post.
    Stop drinking beer, and fishing and polishing your rod and get yer butt in front of your keyboard and write something funny.

    You are now obligated. You cannot let us down. I know where you live.

    Eyeterminatorguy

  47. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Ahhh…I’m runnin’ out of funny things to say, at this moment.

    Need to re-charge my batteries.

  48. Donald Mills Says:

    That’s priceless Friar. Some of those are just too good to be true. Thanks for the laugh.

  49. Friar Says:

    @Don

    And what’s ironic, is that this is one you can’t blame on young folks.

    I think most of these bios were written by adults.

    Which kind of frightens me, actually.

    Always glad to have you drop by.

    – Friar


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