Twelve Halloween Costumes for the Workplace

1.  Grunta-saurus Rex


Quite common, actually.  Suitable for Project Managers, bosses, etc.  who’s only “motivational” technique consists of growling and threatening their staff.   Costume comes with extra sharp claws.

2. Slugs


Not a reflection on one’s work ethic.   Rather, a good reminder to the worker-peons on where they stand in the corporate food chain.  (Just above algae and nematodes, but below the lesser-vertebrates).

3. The Procedure Queen


For those who live, eat and sleep for paperwork, but who couldn’t wipe their  own arse if there wasn’t a procedure to explain how to do it.

(Arse-wiping Procedure included, for $12.99 extra)

4.  The Walking Brain-Dead

For senior-manager types…

5. Huge DoucheBag

Reserved exclusively for senior executives, who collect their gold-plated retention bonuses and stock options, while their company flounders and the regular staff get laid off.

Bag of money comes extra.

6. The Phantom of the Office

For the self-imposed Soup-Martyrs, who forgo lunch hour and sit working at their desk, with nothing more to eat than a bowl of watered-down broth.

Costume comes with sack-cloth and ashes.

7.  Anagram-Guy


A great way to recognize office idiots who can’t speak freaking English, unless the first letters of every word combine to make another word.

8 . Soul-Sucking Vampire


Costume can also be used as a Human Resource Manager.    You decide.


9.  Clunk-FuK™ the Mindless Safety Robot


Clunk-FuK™ likes to focus on the most trivial, painfully obvious safety tips, while totally ignoring the more serious issues.

Also great for helping train staff, during Safety Orientation Week.


10.  Pavlov The Dog


Perfect the Wannabee Yes-Men, who slaver and drool at whatever comes out of their bosses’ mouth.

11.  Dr. Spaztard the Mad Scientist

Are you a brilliant PhD scientist put in charge of multi-million dollar project?  Do you also have the social skills of Rain-Man?

Then THIS is the costume for you!

12.    Corporate Drones/Worker Bees

Like the slug costume, a great way of reminding staff on where they stand in the grand scheme of things.

Buckets are included.  But you can’t keep the pollen.

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69 Comments on “Twelve Halloween Costumes for the Workplace”

  1. Karen JL Says:

    And which one will YOU be wearing this year? 🙂

  2. Davina Says:

    I like how you trademarked Clunk-FuK™ the Mindless Safety Robot. Will you be applying for registration status soon? That could catch on real quick. I had a boss like the Grunta-saurus Rex once. I usually get along with most people… but she and I… NOT! You know what would be fun is to do some role-playing and step into each one of these roles… just so we can have compassion for each other 🙂

  3. Friar Says:

    Yes, Clunk-FuK™. Heh heh. I should register that domain name, and start a blog.

    But, with all due respect, I do NOT think it would be fun to role-play these costumes. Besides, the real-life Grunta-saurus Rex has a reptilian brain…I can’t bring myself down to that level. (Not yet, at least).

    I wanna be Clunk-FuK™! 😀

    I’d be good at it. I know I would.

  4. Kyddryn Says:

    Friar, sugar…I…I think…I love you…

    Or it could be that questionable taco I had for lunch making me feel this way…

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  5. Brett Legree Says:




    (Because they couldn’t think of a better use for an engineer’s time, at $40+ an hour.)

  6. Friar Says:


    I often have that effect on women. (The indigestion thing, I mean).

    Yeah, almost forgot about ol’ Oscar. .

    That one almost merits and entire blog post, itself.

  7. Brett Legree Says:

    Best (worst?) costume for an employee to wear as a CLM (career limiting move):

    Postal worker


  8. XUP Says:

    I think Halloween is really your season. Between the pumpkin designs and the costume ideas you’re like an entire Halloween industry. All you need now is some kick-ass candy options and you’re in business. Personally, I’d go for the bee costume, but those horizontal stripes just aren’t very slimming.

  9. Mer Says:

    @ Friar


    So good I shared it on Facebook. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you–or give you anything…) It may be good for you that I don’t have a bajillion friends, but some of my friends do. 😀

    @ Kyddryn


    I might have had that taco, too. Though I haven’t been out to eat for a long time.

    ::eyes roomie suspiciously::

    Ehhh… It could be something in my coffee. It’s not time for lunch yet and I haven’t eaten breakfast.

    @ Brett


    I have had way too many of those… :mrgreen: (Friar, make me a costume!)


  10. hannah78 Says:

    I work with a few “spaztards”. They can be very… ‘entertaining’. LOL

  11. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Nice post. I like it. Very funny.


  12. Kelly Says:


    #3 and #6… I have hives just thinking about them. Known too many of those in my life.

    I love them all, but I’ve already got my costume. I will be going out as The Mother of The Leprechaun.

    Terribly creative… build-your-own-leprechaun… ten years in the making, dont’cha know. 🙂



  13. Friar Says:

    I used to be in Academia, and then in R&D in industry. I’ve seen my share of Spaztards too.

    I like to think I’m not one of them, though. (I don’t think I’d qualify…I’m not brilliant enough) 😉




    I know #3, #6, #1, #12…and pretty much all the numbers in between. Welcome to the Factory.

    You sure you don’t want to buy a costume? Act NOW, becuase the price doubles tomorrow!

  14. Kelly Says:

    Can I get it for the low, low price of $2495, billed in monthly installments?

    Does it come with its own support forum, so I can network with a community of like-minded costume-lovers?

    Can you guarantee me riches and a beach house in Malibu and bikini-clad babes?

    I gotta know the ROI on this costume before I can decide.

    Well, unless you’ll write up the offer in a long scrolling page full of centered type with yellow highlights and big red subheads and PayPal buttons.

    Then I can BUY NOW. Because that costume is for real, dude!


    Maybe I’d better just go with that Mama costume. It fits me pretty well.

  15. Friar Says:


    I’m also holding a Webinar where I teach you to teach other people to sell costumes.

    I interview Ursaål the Terror Bear, who is an expert on fur and fur-acessories.

    I interview Sven Hyaårgenseen, the Viking Axeman who will tell you the best way to pillage and burn your way to success.

    I intervew Helga Ödyvrdseen, the famous Viking Seamstress. She sewed 50 pairs of Brunhilde boots and earned six figures in once night.

    Surely, this is a 10,000 value. But I’ll selling this all for the low, low price of $127.99 (Numbers always sell better if they end in “7”).

    But act now, virtual seats are filling up fast.

  16. Friar Says:

    Well, you could use a belt to cinch the middle of the bee costume and give yourself a “Wasp-waist”.

    As for kick-ass candy options…what’s out there in real life, probably rivals anything I can dream up.


    Yay! Now I’m on Facebook! (Sorta). 😉

    As for CLM costumes…just go as a highly-qualified experienced Engineer.

    Because that’s apparently a CLM (at least, where I work, it is).

  17. Brett Legree Says:

    Bring on the wasp-waisted women of the 50’s!!!

    When women were women.

    (Okay, women were women in the 60’s, 70’s… okay, they still are… but I mean “real women”, not the people on fashion mag covers.)

  18. Friar Says:


    Yeah, back then. When women had curves. Like Marilyn Monroe.

    (Or Ginger, from Gilligan’s Ilsand).

    Some of the models today could stand to gain a good 20 lbs. For Chrissakes, lady. Go eat a Cheesburger! (Or five!).

    Never understood where this attraction for the stick-figure concentration-camp-victim look came from. Most guys I know certainly don’t find that attractive? So who DOES?

    (Maybe it’s the women who buy those magazines in the first place. (???)

  19. chris zydel Says:

    So they must be paying you now to make these fabulous cartoons, cause this shit is so good it has to take a lot of time. And I know you’re not taking any time away from Twitter, or beer drinking or hanging out with Mr. Legree so you GOTTA be doing these at work.

    Plus that’s where all the inspiration and research subjects are. Just hope they’re paying you the BIG bucks.

  20. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar & Brett – I’m what you call “voluptuous”.

    Which basically means guys still think you’re fat…but they’d f*ck you anyway. 😉

  21. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    I welcome our voluptuous female overlords (overladies?)

  22. Kelly Says:

    My mother had Marilyn’s measurements, quite proudly, in the 60s.

    Then I came along and wrecked things I suppose.

    Anyway, that complaint was not the point. The complaint was supposed to be, she did not pass on any. such. thing. to me.

    *looks down*

    Well, the hips, prob’ly. I think I could match her there.

  23. Friar Says:

    No, I assure you, I draw these at home, after hours, on my own time.

    Though I admit, the Factory does give me a continuous source of inspiration to come up with these ideas.

    But don’t be so hard on yourself. From what I saw on your blog video, you’re all right!

    If it’s any consolation, I’ve been called “cuddly”. Which is kind of the male of equivalent of “voluptuous”.

    Yes..all Hail our Voluptuous OverLadies!

    Yeah, but you’re not fat. And look how sylishly you present yourself! (Purple shoes and all that!) 😉

  24. Kelly Says:

    Karen’s totally sexy. Plus she is funny as all get-out. Nothing better than that combo. If I were in B.C…

    and if I were a dude.

    and if she weren’t attached.

    I’d be asking her out.

    Um, no, not fat, that’s true. Been there, done that. Now—built like a telephone pole. Solid.

    Can’t complain (much!), though. It’s in the way that you use it, hehehe.

    & purple boots help. 🙂

  25. Friar Says:


    Yeah, but ain’t that ALWAYS the case?

    If someone has any attractive qualities at all…well, that means they’ll constantly be attracting others. Which means they’re almost always taken.

    And even in the rare case that they ARE available (in that narrow window of opporuntiy between relationships), chances are they live thousands of km away.

    Which leaves me here in Splat Creek, stuck with the Claire Chaffingtons.


  26. seestor Says:

    “Does this douche bag costume make my a$$ look big?” Not if I wear purple boots with it.

    In typical Friar blog fashion, the acutal post has nothing to do with the commentary section … the post is just an excuse for you all to get on line and chat about stuff.

    Eyeteaman … What are you un-dressing as for halloweenie???


  27. Kelly Says:


    Ah, Claire–how is the ol’ girl? Still writing the blog where she complains about being stuck with the men in Splat Creek? 😉

    Fear not. You can live in the midst of zillions of people and still be just as stuck for fresh meat on a Saturday night, with all married friends, all insisting they do not know a single soul who’s… single.

    *ahem* Not me, of course. Purple boots are magical dude-attractors, if the legs that’re in ’em are okay. It’s just what I hear from… other people who haven’t been set up with someone new in months.



  28. Friar Says:


    As far as I know, I think Claire might still be available.

    But pardon my unrealistically high standards, if I’m going to ask someone out, I’d like them to look like a woman, not like a dude.


    Eyeteaguy’s happily married. And you might be putting him on the spot with with your suggestive comments.

    But I’m enjoying this. hehehe.

    Go Seestor!

    Go Seestor!

    Go Seestor!

  29. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Here is my costume from laste year.

    I heard that it is going to be warm this year so I’ll have to make a few adjustments.


  30. Karen JL Says:

    OK, I now demand a male stripper video at least once a week. (I was kind of enjoying it till he poured the water on himself. Douche!)

    @ Kelly – Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😉

    @ Friar – Kelly’s right. I’ve had looooooong bouts of being single while living in Montreal and Vancouver. My mantra used to be all the men were “taken, gay or assholes.”

    I count myself lucky to have found one that was none of those things. But it took me till I was 40! Better late than never…

    @ Brett – Bow down to me and my voluptuousness!

    @ Seestor – Post? What post?

  31. seestor Says:

    Eyenekkedguy … my work computer blocks the photo of your last year’s costume. It must be mmm mmm meaty.

    Brother Fry … of course I know Eyeblogcrushguy is happily married. This is just my alter-blog-ego posting. In fact, I’m not your seestor at all. I’m Eyeteaguy himself, looking for some special attention. I’m so needy.


  32. Mer Says:

    As for CLM costumes…just go as a highly-qualified experienced Engineer.

    @ Friar

    Isn’t that what I did? 😕

    Some of the models today could stand to gain a good 20 lbs.

    At least. I think they are hired as reasonably attractive coat hangers, but deteriorate from there. Mostly because the designers (e.g., Ralph Lauren) want them that way.

    I like the women the news media complains are “fat.” (Here and here and here. They look better to me when they’re “fat” (i.e., at their natural weight). I still like Kathleen Turner, who gained weight because of meds for her rheumatoid arthritis.

    @ Kelly

    ::thinks about purple boots::

    I think they’re cute. But I gained weight for a reason: to keep the weirdos away. 😐 I have since grown older and more invisible, so maybe with some weight loss I can wear purple boots without “problems.” Ya think?

    ::hides from ITGuy::

    Seeeeeestor, don’t provoke him!! 😯

    I welcome our voluptuous female overlords (overladies?)

    @ Brett

    Thank you! 8)

    Mer, better late than never

  33. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Seestor

    Meaty, yes I am.

    My blog-o-ego is married but Mrs. Eyeteaguy doesn’t mind if I dance naked online. In fact I have blocked her access to this blog just in case.

    Since we have all seen (or those of you you who weren’t blocked by the net nannies) what I look like nekked, who’s next? Friar and Brett are exempt. I have already seen their hairy butts.


  34. Kelly Says:


    I’ll show off my boots. No more.

    They Say It’s Your Birthday


    There are days… sounds like Karen knows them well… when one might settle for a weirdo.


    Indeed. That’s the single most powerful thing Seinfeld ever uttered. Srsly.


  35. Brett Legree Says:

    *bowing down before voluptuous ladies*

    (tips hat to Karen JL and Mer and others)

    Technically I know how to punch a hole in the net nanny, but given what my company does, I don’t relish a visit from the RCMP Technical Crime Unit… 😉

    Eyeteaguy and Seestor need a virtual shack or something heh heh heh…

  36. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Seestor

    Corner of Main and King. 30 minutes, see you there.


    P.S. Hope you had a good sleep last night……

  37. Friar Says:

    I had to wait till I got home to be able to see your visual aid.

    Good Lord, that woman sitting in the chair could barely keep her legs together.

    Do you have this effect on all the women you dance to?

    Stay away from my sister!

    There’s nothing stopping you from putting male strippers on YOUR blog, you know.

    (Oooh, but I forget. Yours is a “serious” blog).

    That’s why I think people keep coming here to the Deep Friar. To air all their dirty laundry, which they can’t do elsewhere. 🙂

    Well, if you’re Eyeteaguy, you’ve done a good job, because you’ve hacked into my sister’s email.

    The both of you are ganging up together, and are trying to fuck with me. Stop it.

    …or those Bow-Flex commercials, where they show these miserable women before they started training. (Oooh, look at how “fat” they are…a whole 5 lbs overweight).

    Heck, if I had a girlfriend who looked like those “before” photos, I’d be quite happy. Screw Bowflex.

    Visions of you being “meaty”.

    (SHUDDER..!) 😦 😦 😦

    Have you tried spiked heels and knee-length purple boots?

    That could attract a whole different type of crowd… 🙂

    Eyeteaguy is a bad influence on my sister.

    She’s so nice and wholesome and conservative. And then HE comes around and brings out the worst in her.

  38. Brett Legree Says:

    That guy looks like Peter North.


  39. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – I wouldn’t say I have a ‘serious’ blog…more of an ‘on-topic’ blog. (Right now it’s a dead blog! I’m tempted to go way off topic to shake things up. I got nuthin’.)

    Of *course* we come here to play. DUH! You should be flattered. 😉

  40. Friar Says:


    Yes, I am flattered that the fun kids on the block like to come to my house to play.

    Like my sister says, the posts themselves are an excuse for everyone to come over and chat.

  41. Mer Says:

    @ Kelly

    I married one of those weirdos, unknowingly of course. Don’t want to do that again! 😯

    I’ll settle for a bare cupboard instead of bare-ass ITGuys and such, thanks. 😉

    @ Friar

    I don’t think the Bowflex Women have any real “Before” shots. I think it’s a sham. Nobody goes from 0 to 60 in a week, or whatever is the time given. It takes a while. Of course, it helps if you’ve already lifted weights because your muscles react more quickly, but the weight loss thing? So not true. If anything, you’d gain muscle mass, and more weight, before anything else happened.

    @ Brett

    Don’t encourage them! Or rent them a shack / room yourself–somewhere else!

    ::shudders with Friar at IT’s alleged meatiness::

    (I thought the French stripper looked a little dazed and confused. Too much “positive” attention? I mean, he could have been worn out.)

    Mer 😉

  42. Friar Says:


    Those asshole men on the Bowflex commercials don’t do my male ego any good, either.

    And it still amazes me how women act around male strippers. With their paws all over the guys.

    Wow. If a guy even THOUGHT of acting that way with a female stripper, the bouncers would have him in headlock within a nanosecond, and would be escorting him outside for a “little chat”.

    But when the ladies act that way, it’s (tee hee)…almost considered “cute”.

  43. Brett Legree Says:

    Oh Friar, don’t be an enema bag. Don’t be a used condom.

    Don’t be a penile implant.


  44. Friar Says:


    Yes. Exactly.

    I don’t want to offend the Twitter Police.

    I should only talk about rainbows, unicorns, and pirate ships.

  45. Eyeteaguy Says:

    This blog is getting out of hand.



    P.S. Anyone got a cigarette?

  46. Davina Says:

    The only thing voluptuous about me is my butt (so I’ve been told). And unfortunately I sit on it too much for it to be of any benefit. I’ll have to settle for oozing sensuality.

    Some college friends and I went to a strip club once. The girl beside me kept trying to get one of the dancers to come to our table. He did, and embarrassed the hell out of her, and I desperately tried to NOT make eye contact as he “danced” for her.

    @Brett… penile implant… mmmpft!!!

    @ Karen I’m past 40 and still looking for a guy who’s not taken, gay or an a-hole. Sigh. Where’d you find yours?

  47. Kelly Says:

    I’ll have to settle for oozing sensuality.

    ROFL. I’d like to settle for that, too.

  48. Friar Says:


    Oh, I know. I lost control of this blog months ago. The Peanut Gallery is especially hyper today.

    @Davina and Kelly

    “oozing” is not the best adjective for a women to use, when describing herself.

    But what do I know? Thhat’s just my opinion. 😉

  49. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – ENEMA BAG!

    @ Davina – Well, he was apparently right under my nose for the better part of a decade, but we never met. We only discovered each other when we were both finally single.

    So he’s around there somewhere! Look around. Maybe under a sofa cushion. 😉

  50. Karen JL Says:

    Hey Friar, (and Brett and whoever else gives a crap) I made a new video post!

    It’s a little long, but it was faster than typing one out. Enjoy the voluptuousness (even tho it’s kinda hidden). 😉

  51. Mer Says:

    @ Friar

    The male assholes aren’t that great. Musclebound (sometimes in a creepy way) and too young. And what’s between their ears? You can’t have a conversation with a muscle…

    @ Karen

    Saw your video. What a cutie! And you make up new words, too. 🙂


  52. Mer Says:

    @ Karen

    P.S. That Cintiq is really cool!


  53. Karen JL Says:

    @ Mer – Thanks! Now there’s a face behind the smart-assness. 😉

    And men aren’t the only ones who like their techie toys. It’s pretty sweet.

  54. Brett Legree Says:

    @Karen JL,

    That was a great video, both the hidden voluptuousness 🙂 and the Cintiq.

    I’m not even an artist and I could use one of those – sometimes, when you’re brainstorming, you just can’t beat a pen.

  55. Friar Says:


    I thought I was a “Douchebag Geek”. Now it’s “Enema Douchebag Geek”.

    Geez, the list of epithets just keeps accumulating.

    But I like your blog video. Especially the Volutptuous parts. 😉

    I guess the Bowflex Assholes can ask out the Bowflex Plastic Barbie Dolls. They probably deserve each other.

    Though I’d still ask out a Barbie Doll. Just ONCE. To say I did.

  56. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Karen JL,

    I like your hair.


    Oh, and you look like Dana Scully, and she is H-O-T!

  57. Friar Says:

    I’m so lame, I’d never heard of a Cinti-Cinq, until today.

    I googled it, though.

    I want one.

  58. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – Not so lame. Most people don’t know what it is.
    You’re still lame for lots of other things though… 😉

    @ Brett – I couldn’t unleash ALL of the voluptuousness. It’s too much, even for the internet.

    @ Eyeteaguy – I’ve had that label for over a decade (and I still like it!). I used to dress up as Scully for Halloween.
    *insert creepy X-Files music here*

  59. Friar Says:


    I’m still lame…

    Ahh. Well, THAT’s a relief.

  60. Brett Legree Says:


    Yes, it’s a good thing you didn’t. Emergency rooms across the world would have been swamped with people needing their eyeballs put back in 😉

  61. Friar Says:


    Friar’s Official Favorite Word of the Week:


  62. Karen JL Says:

    And yours is Enema Bag, right? 😉

  63. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Friar

    Lame, check.

    @ Brett

    Eyeballs, yup.

    @ Karen

    I’m ok with a visit to the emergency room.


  64. Friar Says:


    …rhymes with “BOUCHE”.


    When you go to the emergency room, will it be your eyes that are injured, or your wrist?

  65. Karen JL Says:

    OK Friar, that was a good one.

    (And don’t say the “D” word! The internet police is watching your every move.)

  66. Brett Legree Says:

    “…don’t say the “D” word!”

    She meant “donut”, didn’t she?


  67. seestor Says:

    Sheesh … I work for a day and see that this blog trainhas gone downhill, down a double black diamond in fact. Someone’s going to get hurt.

    Karen, my net nanny bans your voluptuous video too. :-/ I can only imagine your voluptuousness. I checked out your blog though and now have a face to put to your name.

    $hiT … I actually linked to someone else’s blog from Friar’s. You’re my first. Next thing you know, I’ll be twittering and facebooking wasting the wee hours of the night away.

    Stop the insanity.

    Gotta go, I’m off to check the internet for photos of Eyeteaman.


  68. Friar Says:


    HAHAH! Even though they’re offended, the Internet Morality Police are still chosing to follow me on Twitter.

    I guess I give them job security.

    Okay..we know the “C” and “F” words are bad.

    Now the “D” one is, too.

    Eventually, we’re going to run out of the alphabet.

    Wow…you actually bothered to FOLLOW a LINK?

    That’s how it all starts, you know.

    Next thing you know, you’ll be a social media expert, and you’ll be writign guest posts for the Cool Kids.

    (Of which, I ain’t).

  69. Friar Says:


    PS. If you want to track down Eyeteaguy, here’s his blog.

    For what it’s worth. He writes only slightly more often than Brett. Which is never.

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