Friar’s Ass-Hat Cartoon Hall of Fame

(*)  In no specific order

Scrappy Doo

You know a shows’ writers are starting to grasp at straws and run out of ideas, whenever they have to introduce a lame-ass side-kick.    And an asshole one, at that.

Seriously.  Who LIKES this little shit?

Just Google “I hate Scrappy” and you’ll be suprised at how many sites you come up with.
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aGleek

Wonder-Twin powers,  activate!

Shape of…a retarded monkey.

Form of…the point in time, at which Superfriends jumped the shark.
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Bat-Mite

I had happily managed to repress this awful childhood memory for a few decades, until I recently flipped channels and re-discovered “The New Adventures of BatMan” on the Cartoon Network.

I never had a problem with Batman or Robin, despite their questionable man/boy relationship. (Which, even my Mom had pointed out was a little fishy…)

But I have NO idea WTF Bat-Mite is.

All I know is I wish it would must DIE! DIE! DIE!
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Partidge Family 2200 AD

Hah hah!  Bet you forgot about this one, didn’t you?

Again, another gem from the 1970’s, that Golden Era of creating Saturday Morning Cartoons from past-their-prime TV shows.

I never got into the regular Partridge Family that much in the first place. (I always considered them the B-Team, compared to the Brady Bunch.)

But to make a cartoon version, and to turn it into a rip-off of the JETSONS?

Strike one.  Strike two.  Strike three.  Yerrrr OUT.
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Newton the Centaur

If you were a Canadian born between 1964 and 1975, chances are you know you all about Newton and The Mighty Hercules

For those who aren’t, just imagine an androgynous (possibly gay) centaur, who repeats everything twice, in an annoying  high-pitched, whinnying voice.

I watched Hercules for the first time when I was five, and even at that age, I could already recognize the extreme ass-hatted-ness of Newton.

But hey, at least he could SPEAK.

…unlike his autistic buddy, Toot, who could only communicate via flute-music.

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wa

Pokémon

Unless you’re a little boy, between ages 6-10, there is absolutely NOTHING of any redeemable quality, here.

Seems things started to go to Hell in a hand basket,  just at the precise moment when they brought out this cartoon.

I blame Pokémon for bringing the onset the decline of our civilization,  as we know it.

Prove me wrong, folks.
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Passe-Partout (Honorable Mention)

Okay, you had to grow up in Quebec to have seen this one.  This gets an honorable mention, because they aren’t really cartoons, they’re puppets.

But puppets 100 times more obnoxious than Elmo.

Words fail to describe how ass-hat this is.  It’s best to see it yourself.

Here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KwiHQsb6Ja0&feature=PlayList&p=D41922BE859CB8C0&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=13

And (Good Lord) especially HERE:

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42 Comments on “Friar’s Ass-Hat Cartoon Hall of Fame”

  1. Deb Says:

    Here’s one more for you: Snarf.

  2. Cath Lawson Says:

    Friar – Most of them suck – especially Pokemon. But how can you pick on poor little Scrappy – he’s adorable.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    Newton may have been an ass-hat, but seriously, where would Herc have been without him?

    He was always, “Newton, my shield!”

    “Newton, my bow and arrow!”

    The Mask of Vulcan would have kicked Herc’s ass for good, if Newton hadn’t been there to lend a hand…

    Luckily, he never snapped, though I can hear the words in my head:

    “I’m not your bitch, Herc! I’m not your bitch, Herc!” as he runs away into the sunset…

  4. Friar Says:

    @Deb
    Snarf! Snarf! I think I could write several posts about this subject.

    Did you see the spoof they did on Snarf on Robot Chicken? (Wasn’t very nice…heh heh).

    @Cath
    Wow…you are honestly the FIRST person I’ve ever heard say they like Scrappy. 😉

    Never understood his head-to-body proportions. Or why he speaks perfect English, and doesn’t sound like a dog like his Uncle Scooby.

    @Brett
    I guess everyone has their use. Even ass-hats.

    I tolerated Newton. If Herc could, I supposed I could, too.

  5. BourbonBird Says:

    1. Captain Planet Planeteer, Ma-Ti, aka the dude with “Heart” – obsolete and infuriatingly neutral. The race card makes it hard to argue.

    2. Not a cartoon, but a terrifying scarecrow made real by Jon Pertwee in the 80s called Worzel Gummedge. Nightmares are made of this.

    3. Thunderbirds 2086. Enough said.

    4. She-Ra. Look, I was a big fan when I was younger, although I can’t remember why when I look back on it. For nostalgia’s sake, I bought the box set when it came out on DVD. Waste of money.

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    @BourbonBird,

    Worzel isn’t that scary.

    Now… the Bogeyman on that cartoon The Real Ghostbusters, holy shit, that would scare me today.

  7. BourbonBird Says:

    Brett, are you serious?! I remember turning the Worzel book face-down and hiding it under all my other books as a child so I didn’t have to see his manky face in my dreams. He was horrible. In hindsight, it’s pretty funny to see how much sexual innuendo the Brits were able to pack into every children’s series ever created. Masters. Also, agreed on Bogeyman. Chills.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Bourbonbird

    Captain Planet. Argh. Educational cartoons (or ones that pretend to be) are an Ass-hat category, all to themselves.

    But Worzel? No idea. Never seen it. I grew up in Montreal…for some reason, I managed to escape ever having to watch it.

    Scary, though, is more bad-ass, than ass-hat.

    @Brett
    Again, that’s a cartoon I probably missed. I just knew the first stupid ghost-buster cartoon (where the voice of Venkman was Garfield the Cat).

  9. Friar Says:

    @Bourbonbird

    If you see some of the Viking Death-Rock videos Brett sends me, you’ll understand why he thinks Worzel is tame.

  10. ritaisback Says:

    After more than a year, you still crack me up! Thanks for sharing Passe-Partout. Throw in the horrors of the not-missed Teletubbies, and I think you have a more complete list. Those guys/girls/whatever, scared the crap out of me.

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    @Bourbonbird,

    Let me qualify what I said, though – I’d never seen Worzel until you mentioned it, so to my adult brain, it’s just goofy. As a kid, it might have been scary.

    @Friar,

    The cartoon itself was generally forgettable, but the ones with the Bogeyman remind me a little bit of the Candyman movies for some reason…

  12. Kyddryn Says:

    Scrappy Doo – I didn’t like the show to begin with, but once they introduced Scrappy, it was absolutely a no-go for me.

    I had forgotten Gleek. Thank you, Friar, for reminding me. Payback is Hell.

    I never watched Batman. I was a deprived child…very little television, forced to eat lobster on Fridays (grandmother was indifferent-Catholic, but it was fish on Friday…and she decided lobster counted as fish. Someday I’ll ask the Pope what he thinks, as soon as I am certain they won’t try to toast me to a golden black the second I set foot in the vatican)…it was just awful.

    Partridge Family 2200 AD?? Really? You didn’t just make that up, did you? Because that seems like someone’s idea of a joke.

    Except for Pokemon, I’ve never heard of the others…although, wasn’t Passe-Partout employed by Phineas Phogg in Around the World in Eighty Days? Played to great comedic effect by Jackie Chan in the most recent filming of the same? I’m not clicking the links…I really don’t need to spend the day trying to launder my brain, thank you.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who likes certain cartoons today – Phineas and Ferb being one of them. I adore subversive animation!!)

  13. Friar Says:

    @ritaisback

    Yeah, those kids are creepy, ain’t they?

    There’s something unique about French-Canadian culture…their kids shows tend to have a disporptionate amount of puppets who speak in high-pitched voices.

    Wanna nother creepy one? Check out Youtube for “Bibi et Genevieve”.

    @Brett
    Though I bet your kids (especially the older lad) have already figured out how to download it and have watched it!

    @Kyddryn
    No, I didn’t make that one up. I actually remember watching it at least a couple of times.

    It’s Writer Dad’s fault. We were chatting about old lame-ass cartoons, and somehow this got brought up in the conversation.

    The French puppets…don’t worry about it. Very few people outside of Quebec know about them.

    PS. I think we’re in the middle of a renaissance of kids cartoons. There’s a lot of good ones out there that are pretty funny for adulst too.

    Kid Vs. Kat. Fairly Odd Parents. And of course, SpongeBob.

  14. Mer Says:

    I nominate The Great Gazoo for annoying.

    Also, Angry Beavers. Just because of the name. I never watched the show, but the visual I get … Oh noooooooooo! 😯 (I took too much cultural anthropology in college)

    “CatDog.” So stupid. Yet I dutifully watched with daughter. I didn’t like “Aaaaah!!! Real Monsters” either.

    Animaniacs, on the other hand … I liked that.

    For innuendo by possibly celibate (or something like that) men, “Fantasia

    Mer

  15. Mer Says:

    ::wonders where her punctuation went::

  16. Friar Says:

    @Mer
    Yeah..Gazoo was the turning point, at which the Flintstones started to go downhill.

    Stupid bit of trivia: Harvey Corman was the voice of Gazoo.

    Animaniacs was good, though.

  17. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hello dum-dums…

    (Harvey Corman rocks) Check YT on the Carol B show when they try to make him laugh….its was taped live in front of an audience. Suppressed laughter is the best.

    Eyedidn’tquitmyjobtodayguy

  18. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yeah, I know those skits very well. I grew up on those and pissed my pants laughing.

    Especially when Tim Conway played the old man, and Harvey Corman couldn’t control his giggles.

    I don’t know what’s on TV today, that comes anywhere close to being that funny.

  19. Karen JL Says:

    ‘Gone With the Wind’ (which might be called ‘Went With the Wind’).

    Best Carol Burnett skit EVER.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    With the curtain-rod dress, right?

    Hah hah hah! 😀

  21. Karen JL Says:

    I saw it in the window and I just couldn’t resist it. 🙂

  22. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Karen,

    I agree with you. Gone With the Wind is one of her most memorable. Her velvet drapes plus curtain-rod walk down the stairs was hysterical.

    The funniest Tim Conway skit is the one where he’s the dentist and Harvey is in the dental chair. Tim freezes his own hand by mistake. Harvey can’t control his laughter.

    Jian Ghomeshi of CBC interviewed Carol Burnett this year on June 4 and Sept. 1. She gave a great interview. If you’re interested, just Google “Jian Ghomesi Q” and download a podcast

  23. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    I’m actually impressed.

    A year ago, I’d never have suspected you’d visit a blog, and leave comment telling someone to “download a podcast”.

    My favorite skit is the one where Harvey Corman and Tim Conway are Nazis, interrogating Lyle Wagonner who’s a prisoner. And Tim uses that little Nazi puppet singing “I’ve been working on the rail road”.

  24. XUP Says:

    On the cartoon portion of this blog, I have to agree with Brett that the Newt-Herc relationship was a special one. I think it was one of those NAMBLA apprenticeship things. Very romantic… Anyway, on the Carol Burnett thing…meh…I never found it all that funny. It always seemed forced to me; especially that “everyone’s-trying-hard-not-to-laugh” thing. It’s a great device to get the audience laughing because who can NOT laugh when they’re watching other people laughing? (Well, me, for one, but that’s beside the point)

  25. hannah78 Says:

    Oh no you didn’t just go and diss Newton and Toot! LOL! I loved “The Mighty Hercules” as they showed it during the early-mid 80s as well.:)
    I also used to watch “Passe-Partout” at school, since I went to a bilingual elementary school. It was o.k. Nowhere near as disturbing as “Bibi et Jennifer”. 😉

  26. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Oh, I dunno. I think there was a special chemistry between Tim Conway and Harvey Corman, that you don’t find too often.

    Never understood by Herc kept turning down Helena’s advances. Was it because he was nervous or afraid of women? Or did he want to stay loyal to Newton?

    I always wondered who Newton would be attracted to…other horses, or other humans?

    Too bad they didn’t have a female centaur on the show. We could watch how Newton behaved around her, and maybe put these rumors to rest.

    @Hannah

    I LOVED “The Mighty Hercules” when I was a kid. And watched it on retro-channels well into the 80’s.

    Herc was my hero. And Helena was pretty hot too..something I didn’t really notice till I was a bit older.

    Newton and Toot are ass-hat. They’re kind of like vegetables in a full-course dinner. What you really want are the meat and the dessert. But you tolerate the veggies, because they come with the meal.

    I went to French school in Quebec. I much preferred to watch English TV, with Sesame Street and Mr. Dressup. But we were aware of “Passe Partout” and would occasioanlly watch them while flipping through our 3 channels.

    My brother and I especially loved to make fun of Passe-Partout. We had a whole comedy routine. One day I’m gonna blog about it. 😉

  27. Brett Legree Says:

    What about a female “reverse-centaur”, you know, a woman’s body with a horse’s head? Maybe Newton would be into that.

  28. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    I think Newton’s a very confused Centaur.

    Kinda feel sorry for him. It’s not his fault he was born that way.

    Bear in mind, though, he’s still Ass-hat.

  29. ritaisback Says:

    Friar,
    I just checked out “Bibi et Genevieve”. Ouch. Are you trying to make me ill? Totally vomitatious.
    As to the Carol Burnett “Gone With the Wind” sketch, that is an all-time classic. When she walked down those steps with the curtain-rod dress, I laughed my ass off. Do you know if that is available for viewing anywhere? I’d love to see it again.

  30. Friar Says:

    @ritaisback

    You can probably get a lot of those old Carol Burnett skits on You-Tube. I checked it out a while ago, and most of them are there.

  31. Friar's Mom Says:

    Wee Friar,

    Did you know that Carole’s famous Curtain Rod Dress is on view at the Smithsonian? It was donated by Bob Mackie the desinger.

    http://americanhistory.si.edu/news/pressrelease.cfm?key=29&newskey=1095

  32. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom.

    Wow..that’s quite an honor.

    Right up there with Fonzie’s jacket, and Archie Bunker’s chair!

  33. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You people watch too much TV.

  34. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    You’re right. I should do something more productive with my time. Like Blog.

  35. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Eyeteaguy,

    I hardly watch TV anymore. However, a half century ago when we got our first TV, every Sunday night we’d watch the Ed Sullivan Show. I enjoyed Red Skelton, I Love Lucy, and Alfred Hichcock. Later there was fast-paced Laugh In and The Smothers Brothers. To this day my all time favourite comedy show is The Carol Burnett Show.

  36. Donald Mills Says:

    Ha…

    With the strength of 10 – ordinary men! Terrible cartoon. You remember the “Tales of the Wizard of OZ”

    For some reason I had that damned theme song stuck in my head for years.

    I was going to mention the Great Gazoo but see that I’m too late. I actually liked the character but only because I could never dislike anything Harvey Korman was a part of.

  37. Friar Says:

    Hi Don;

    Glad that you could drop by.

    Haha! I’m delighted to see someoen from the States knows about Hercules. I thought it was just us folks here in the Great White North.

    That carton is as old as I am. It was pretty terrible, I agree. But with only three TV channels to chose from, we kids couldn’t’ afford to be too picky.

    There’s an even WORSE cartoon, “Rocket Robin Hood”. Another Canadian Gem. The animation was so bad, it made Hercules look like Disney.

    Wow…I hadn’t thought about the Wizard of Oz Cartoon for decades. I seem to recall seeing in on re-runs well into the 80’s. (Again, Canadian TV isn’t all that great).

  38. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    It’s true. Friar’s Mom hardly ever watches TV anymore.

    Even in the hospital this summer, when she was stuck inside, bored out of her skull, she still refused to watch it.

    But she wont’ blog or Twitter either. Go figure (!?)

  39. Peter Says:

    Tabernac

  40. Friar Says:

    @Peter

    I can just imagine showing that video to you when you were 13. 😀


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