The Vikings Versus the Eldâr-KrΦnes, Part I.

One sunny day, at the shore of the Northern Sea, by the village of SmelBaäd, young Bjarni noticed a strange disturbance in the water.

“By Loki! “, he exclaimed.   “There seems to be some hideous creature rising from the deep!  What is it?”

“Why…I cannot believe my eyes! ”  his father said.  “I have heard of these….it’s an Eldâr-KrΦne!   Quick, we must run to warn the others!”

Soon afterwards, more and more of the Eldâr-KrΦnes emerged from the sea, and made their way towards the unspecting village village.

And soon they began to take over.

In no time at all, travel became difficult, if not impossible.   The Eldâr-KrΦnes blocked all routes with monstrous carts that they had somehow acquired, which they drove at less than walking speed.

“How am I supposed to invade the Celts on time, with this grandomther in my way?”, grumbled Æskole.

Commerce ground to a halt and children went hungry.  The Eldâr-KrΦnes crowded the local merchants, and took forever to buy something.  And when they did, they insisted on paying with hundreds of almost worthless copper coins.

Village security was at risk.   The Warrior-Men were weak from lack of food, and could not concentrate on their practice-jousting, as they were constantly hissed at to be quiet.

Youngsters were forced to listen to long rambling tales of Yore, and were literally bored to tears.    In exchange, they were offered rancid sweets, which threatened to break their young teeth.

As the Eldâr-KrΦnes continued their ruthless invasion, life in SmelBaäd become more difficult.

The villagers were  concerned, and approached Olaf Thunderfröck, the Chieftain.

“These grayish being are making life unbearable!”, they cried.    “Cannot you do something about it?”

“I say, burn and pillage them!   Send them to Valhalla!”, said Fjolkman the Fishmonger.

“No, better yet!  Let us make drinking goblets out of their skulls!!!” screamed Bjorgolf the Bererker, and let out a mighty “…NYARGGHH!”

“I would gladly do so, but you know we cannot”, explained Olaf.   “These demon-creatures…they have special powers.  They are cunning, yet they dodder and appear frail and old.   And our Viking Code thus prevents us from harming them. ”

“But they disrupt our village, torment our children, and tell us to keep off our own grasses and fields! ”

“Agreed, but what would you have me do?”, asked Olaf.  “We  cannot use force…we are powerless against their evil magic”.

Suddenly, a young voice cried out:

“But look what they did to Ursaäl!”

It was young Bjarni, pointing to the Village Bear.

“They knitted that horrid outfit, forced Ursaäl to wear it, and now they’ve made him CRY!”

“Noooo!”, someone gasped.

“The horror!”, a mother exclaimed.

Bjorgolf the Bererker was furious.   “Clearly, those cursed Eldâr-KrΦnes have gone too far!  No one messes with the Village Bear, except us!   …NO ONE!”

“Aye…Viking Code or not, this brings the battle to a whole new level”, Olaf agreed.

“Clearly, we’re going to have to take drastic measure to rid the village for these Gray Ones, once and for all.   But first, I must seek counsel…”

************************

END OF PART I

What will Olaf do?
How will the Vikings get rid of the Eldâr-KrΦnes?
Will poor Ursaäl need therapy?

STAY TUNED FOR PART II..!!

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24 Comments on “The Vikings Versus the Eldâr-KrΦnes, Part I.”

  1. Amy Says:

    Hilarious! These came out really well. The donkey is my favorite, I must say. 🙂

  2. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    Ursaäl sounds like a sobbing Wuss but he’s not and he won’t need therapy.

    It has been know that Vikings trapped bears as cubs and domesticated them. Owners of bears were liable to stiff fines under the law if their pets injured people or damaged property. All animals were expected to be working animals.

    Ursaäl allowed the demon creatures to dress him in that horrid outfit, thinking it was some form of clothing or harness which would help him perform his work in the Viking village. His tears are a serious allergic reaction to his clothing. He can’t scratch his itchy inflamed hives because he’s wearing booties. He has never worn clothing before.

    I suspect Ursaäl will become the hero of the village. He will offer some very interesting counsel to Olaf, which will force the Eldâr-KrΦnes to flee from the village.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    Just call Viking Tech Support, get the young lad to hack into the Eldâr-KrΦnes’ computers, and replace all of the pictures of their grandchildren with Viking death metal videos.

    Problem solved.

    (PS the scans don’t do the originals justice… very nice!)

  4. Friar Says:

    @Amy
    Thanks! ;-D

    Which donkey do you like? The old one pulling the monstrous cart?

    @Friar’s Mom
    Ursaäl was tricked. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the Eldâr-KrΦnes. They had a strange, musty odor, and he was discouraged from mauling the old ladies, due to the Viking Code.

    And suddenly, they put CLOTHES on him which totally confused him. That outfit is enough to make any grown bear cry.

    Those KrΦnes have got the whole village topsy-turvy. No-ones had to deal with anything like this before.

    I’m sure he’ll be back to his normal ursine self in due course, once everyone figures out what’s going on.

    @Brett
    This problem is serious enough, that it might take MORE than Viking Tech Support.

    Besides, I don’t think those Eldâr-KrΦnes even know how to use a computer.

    PS. You’re right about the pictures, though. My scanner sucks, and doesn’t do them justice.

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    Maybe Viking Tech Support can hire some of the Viking death metal guys to play a live show, blow the Eldâr-KrΦnes back into the water with a wall of noise…

  6. Linda Says:

    Can’t wait to read part deux. Oh, and by the way, I might be categorized as one of the old ones, but I like to drive fast and only go shopping when I really need something. My credit card loves me.

  7. seestor Says:

    Yay! Vikings!

    Seestör

  8. Kyddryn Says:

    Ursaal looks hungry.

    I bet those old ones would go down nicely, especially with a little bacon grease. Did the Vikings have bacon? If not, no wonder they were so grumpy. Bacon makes the world go ’round, and should have a shrine.

    I think Ursaal need a copy of the Bacon Cookbook (yes, there really is one. No I don’t have a copy. But I do have a photograph of it because it made me laugh and so had to be recorded for posterity) and some quality time with the Elders.

    I can’t make those dotty umlaut (sp?) thingies. Sigh.

    I’m going to fry some bacon, now.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who is not employed by the Bacon Council. Honest.)

  9. Amy Says:

    Yep! The grey one with the zzzzzzz. 🙂

  10. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Kyddryn,

    Just out of curiosity I Googled “Viking pigs” and came upon the Viking Answer Lady. http://www.vikinganswerlady.com/vik_pets.shtml#Pigs

    I learned the folowing: Another animal common to the southern portions of Scandinavia was the pig. Pigs of the Viking Age were descended from the Eurasian Wild Boar (Sus scrofa). Although pigs were known throughout Scandinavia, pig farming was particularly important in the south, especially in southern Sweden and Denmark.

    Somewhere along the line the Vikings would have had to discover how to smoke the bacon. Perhaps the learned to smoke the bacon while burning and pillaging. (Slow burning).

    See, you can learn from Friar’s Blog.

  11. XUP Says:

    I think the Vikings will have meetings and form committees to decide what to do about the Eldâr-KrΦnes. Action plans will be drawn up. Implementation strategies will be devised. There will be presentations, training sessions, workshops and team-building retreats. Eventually the Vikings will mysteriously transform into Eldâr-KrΦnes and the originals Eldâr-KrΦnes will have equally mysteriously disappeared leaving behind only brittle, white bones. Young Vikings won’t notice any of this as they’ll be otherwise occupied on small communication devices that were recently dropped on the Fjords by aliens.

  12. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Oh, I think something as important as Viking Death-Metal merits a whole post to itself.

    @Linda

    Rest assured, you may be old, but you don’t qualify as an Eldâr-KrΦne.

    First of all, you drive way too fast. Second, you don’t always only shop at noon or 5:00 PM to disrput those who just got off work.

    @Seestör

    Yes, I figured it’s about time I wrote more about the Vikings. It’s been a while.

    @Kyddryn

    I’m pretty sure the Vikings would have had any animal they wanted. If they critters didnt’ grow locally, they’d just import it from the land they looted and pillaged it from.

    PS. You can make all kinds of characters. Just use the extended ASCII codes, rigth here.

    http://www.asciitable.com/

    Make sure Numlock is on. And use the number keyboard to the right, not above.

    @Amy

    Note to self: include more donkeys in my cartoons.

    @Friar’s Mom

    I never would have guessed I’d get you talking about burning and pillaging.

    I approve. I think this blog is finally rubbing of on you. 🙂

  13. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    That sounds more like the Vikings Vs. the Körporyyt Åesclöwns.

    Which is a whole other saga…

  14. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    It’s not your Blog that’s rubbing off on me, it’s this Viking post. Although you said your scanner didn’t work, I find your drawings vibrant, spontaneous, and clever. Your cartoon characters have personality. You’ve come a long way from your coloured pencil drawings of cycling, cooking, building, and bike mechanic bears (I will always treasure these). Your storyline leaves the reader in suspense; we anticipate your second and perhaps third installment.

    It has been said that it takes 10 years or 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. You been drawing since you were able to hold a pencil, which was a few decades ago. You invested time and money in buying good materials, it’s payback time now.

    As far as your other posts, they’re original and clever; however, I’m ambivalent to some of your rants, which leave me feeling meh!

  15. Kyddryn Says:

    Alas, dear Friar, I access the Blue Nowhere with a laptop. Although Bob the Wonder Computer has many fine qualities, a keypad to one side is not one of them. I shall be umlautless for the nonce. I’ll try to make up for the deficiency somehow. We must soldier on…

    Meanwhile, I have decided that the Vikings DID have bacon, if only to distract Fenrir with so he would quit snacking on the moon on nights when they wanted to do a bit of moonlight pillaging. Nothing says romance like a little moonlight pillage. They also had marshmallows and frankfurters (called veeners or haat daags) to roast while they burned the villages after a good pillage. It was festive!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who probably shouldn’t be online whe she has low blood sugar)

  16. Kyddryn Says:

    @ Friar’s Mum – you, ma’am, are a pip!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who feels a wee odd addressing a third party on someone’s blog, but it seems to be the thing, ’round here)

  17. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Kydrryn,

    The only Pip I recall was from Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. The book is about an orphan named Pip, who encounters a convict at the outset of the story. It describes his adventures in his attempt to grow up to become a gentleman. I knew you didn’t me it in that sense.

    I sdmiy I’m unfamiliar with the term; hence, I looked it up in the Urban Dictionary and found the following definitions:

    (1) A pain in the ass.
    (2) A real character.
    (3) Someone who tends to be difficult, but still likeable.

    Which sense of the three did you intend to describe me?

  18. Kyddryn Says:

    @Friar’s Mum…the second, of course ma’am…you are a real character in the best sense.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  19. Kyddryn Says:

    Also @ Friar’s Mum – I found another definition which more closely fits what I meant: one extraordinary of its kind.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  20. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Kyddryn,

    Gracious me I’m beside myself. Gee willikers, I believe I’m blushing.

    Aw shucks, thanks a whole bunch.

  21. Davina Says:

    LOL… *raises hand eagerly and waves it about* I know, I know! This is all a horrible nightmare that the sleeping donkey is having. He’s gonna wake up and all will be well.

    The moral of this story is that sometimes you’ve just gotta kick some ass. And that’s what Olaf and the Vikings will do to wake that sleeping gray who’s not pulling his weight.

    But just in case, I hope those elders at least knitted a hole into the rear of that bear suit — at least give one ass in this story some breathing room. 🙂

  22. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    With all those years of boring university lectures and painful meetings at work, I’ve had lots of opportunity to doodle. So I reckon you’re right..I’ve got more than my 10,000 hours of practice.

    @Kyddryn
    Heh heh. I had to Google Fenrir. (I’m learning a lot of this Viking stuff as I go along).

    I have to laugh at you calling Friar’s Mom a pip! Isnt’ that what Archie Bunker used to call Edith?

    @Davina
    No, sorry to disappoint you. The sleeping donkey only has a bit role in this saga.

    I’ve already started to draft Part II. I kind of have an idea where it’s going. There might not be a moral…but I guarantee it will be entertaining…Vikings are always entertaining.

  23. Davina Says:

    It was delightful trying to come up with SOME sort of creative scenario to answer your questions. Land sakes! Why would I be disappointed?

  24. XUP Says:

    Körporyyt Åesclöwns – ha ha – can’t wait for that one


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