The Advantages of Being Fat
Big strength often comes with big size. You can open up jars of pickles and move heavy furniture without having to ask for help.
You hardly ever feel cold, so you’ll save on heating fuel in the winter.
Nobody enjoys a good steak or pizza like you do. Nobody.
Thin people are rarely considered “cuddly”.
When you hug someone, you REALLY HUG them.
You don’t make insensitive comments about the physical appearance of others, because you know what that feels like from first-hand experience.
You really get your money’s worth at all-you-can-eat buffets.
Unlike the Silicone-Barbie-Dools or Bowflex Douchebags, you’ve actually had to develop a personality to attract the opposite sex.
Next time some skinny jerk pokes fun at you at the gym, ask them how much they can bench press. And then go lift double that.
Pretend to be clueless about about the health problems associated with obesity, and watch some Righteous Do-Gooder talk themselves blue in the face trying to “educate” you.
You have enough reserves on you to survive a violent stomach flu that would put most people in the hospital.
No expensive search and rescue teams will ever have to risk their lives bringing you off Mt. Everest.
At least you’re not judged as harshly as smokers are (…yet).
You never suffer from food-martyrdom. (“Oooh, I shouldn’t have eaten the piece of chocolate!”)
Kids never have to worry about getting bruised by pelvic bones when they sit on your lap, like they do with Great-Aunt Edna.
If you’ve hooked up with hot babe or hot guy, there’s a good chance they truly like you for who you are. (Unless you’re like rich or something).
You can eat what you want, when you want. (Which is probably why you’ve gotten to where you are, in the first place).
You can write posts like this and get away with it.
After the Apocalypse, when civilization goes to hell in a handbasket, everyone else will starve to death, and you’ll inherit the Earth.