The Vikings Versus the Eldâr KrΦnes, Part II.

When we last left our Viking friends in Part I,  the Eldâr-KrΦnes had taken over the village of SmelBaäd, and the villagers were quite upset.   They had demanded Olaf Thunderfröck, their Chieftain, do something about it.

Olaf knew this was a delicate matter, as the Viking Code forbade them to use force against the frail, doddering old KrΦnes.   He knew he must first seek counsel with Clöst Aerfrök, the Village Elder.

“O, Worthy Clöst!  You who are so wise such matters.  How are we to rid the village of these cursed Eldâr-KrΦnes?”

“By Odin!  That is a not an easy question to answer”, said Clöst.    “Let me search through the tribal records of Viking Knowledge, and I shall have a solution by morning”.

And well into the early ours of the morning, did Clöst pore over pages and pages of old sagas, records, spells and charms.

“Let’s see….I think I’ve found something…Eldar KrΦnes…also known as Oöld Phårtes…related to the bat family.   From the old legends, miserable in their youth, never knew laughter….doomed by the Gods to walk the Earth as older versions of the same….. Can only be controlled by….yes..yes!   I think I see know!   Fenrir be praised! I’ve GOT IT!!!”

At dawn, Clöst came to the village square and excitedly started giving instructions.

“You!  Young lad!  Gather your friends!  I want you all to behave as jackasses.   Be loud. Be obnoxious.  Pull your pants down.   Curse as much as you want, using the worst language possible.

“But my Mother told me a Viking should never curse, until at least after breakfast”, the young man said.

“Never mind.   Tell your Mother you have my permission.   Just DO IT!”

“…And you, women!”, Clöst continued.   ” Assemble as much pungent lutefisk, pickled eggs, and ale you can.   Men!  I want you FEAST! ”

“But this hardly seems like a time to celebrate and get drunk”, exclaimed one of the wives.

“No time to explain…”, said Clöst.   “You shall have to trust me..just DO IT”.

Soon, the children were following Clöst’s instruction to a tee, parading around the square, and indeed behaving like jackasses.

Young Gunnar started crying “Yo! Yo! Yo!” with a pot on his head, with his pants pulled down.   His friends started following suit.

And this did not please the Eldâr-KrΦnes.

“Shocking!”, scolded one.

“Such lack of respect”, hissed the other.

Then, the children started their swearing.

“Fjörk you!”  “Kyúnge!”  “Eat my Skyärthang!”s

“My word”, exclaimed the first KrΦne.    “Such filth!”

“Children today”, said the second.   “What shall become of us?”

Meanwhile, the men were actively involved in their feast, enjoying their food and drink as Vikings normally do.

And soon the pickled eggs and lutefisk began to take its effect.

“Pull my finger”, said Läars.

“No, pull MINE”, said Kyevin.

“Let as ALL pull our fingers!”

And soon the air was clapping with Viking Thunder.

“Such manners!”,  seethed a KrΦne

“Atrocious!”, fumed another.  “My word, I don’t know how much more I can stand of this!”

Suddenly,  Bjorgolf the Berserker looked pale, and said “I do not feel so good.   Perhaps I had too much ale”.

“Hmph, serves you right.”  the lead KrΦne said.

“No, seriously, I do not feel so good.  You better stand back”

“Land sakes.   I will do no such thing”

But before anyone could say anything, The Berserker let loose an rip-roaring, earth-shattering, sky-rendering Viking BURP…the likes of which would be worthy of Thor himself!

This was the final straw, too much for even the Eldâr-KrΦnes to bear.    And how could they?   Not being Vikings, they had no idea of how to deal with Berserkers.

“Well, I NEVER!”, screeched one.

“Me, neither!”, chimed another.

“I will have no part of such vulgarity!”, seethed a third.

And suddenly, the Eldâr-KrΦnes returned to the cold, north sea, from whence they came, cursing and grumbling the whole time.

“Tell all your friends about us….if you have any.” taunted the villagers.   “And don’t come back!”

Later that night, at the celebration bonfire,  Olaf asked Clöst:  “How did you know?”.

“Once I found the answer, it was easy”, Clöst laughed.   “According to the Legend, Eldâr-KrΦnes despise youth,  vulgar behaviour, and rude table manners”.   And being Vikings, our village has an abundance of all three.   It was a just matter of letting our true nature show, and the problem solved itself.”

And the rejoicing, pillaging and burning went well into the night.

And life was good again, in the Village of SmelBaäd.

***********************

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37 Comments on “The Vikings Versus the Eldâr KrΦnes, Part II.”

  1. Amy Says:

    Yay! Donkey!

  2. Friar Says:

    @Amy

    Yes, donkey! Back by popular demand!

  3. steph Says:

    Oh, FRIAR!! I will be late for work but this is how good this was! I don’t care if I’m late for work!! This was bloody brilliant! Well-done!! And your illustrations are getting better and better, which hardly seems possible given how excellent they already were.

    WOW. AWESOME!!!

    PS. This is a great way to handle stuff like this, through comedy. Much more fun.

  4. steph Says:

    PS. My favourite illustration was the one of him reading by candlelight. Excellent!

  5. XUP Says:

    Interesting that only the men and children of the village were by nature rude and obnoxious while the women/mothers frowned upon coarse language and did not partake in the gluttonous feast. The Eldâr-KrΦnes, on the other hand, all appear to be women (though one of them may be a womanly man?) I’m not drawing any conclusions, I’m just saying. Also, I was wondering what happened to the bear?

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    I can belch like the Berserker. It’s my “secret power”. Just ask Eyeteaguy about the time I belched at university, and it echoed off the mountain at the end of our street…

    Thor would have been proud, indeed.

    PS – XUP, in our town, you only ever see female Eldâr-KrΦnes, the males are either already dead, or at the Woodworking Club making spice racks.

    Which is a fate worse than death, I’d imagine.

  7. Brett Legree Says:

    Did the tales of my belching prowess scare everyone away?

    🙂

  8. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Glad you liked it!

    Not to pat myself on the back. But I think my drawings are improving,too. I think it’s because of my fancy-schmancy Copic felt markers that I had bought. (Kinda like you and your new-fangled editor’s desk).

    @XUP

    The Viking Women in the town of SmelBaäd are like Helga is to Hagar the Horrible: well grounded, with common sense. They provide just enough balance to keep their berserker husbands under control, to keep the village functioning as a whole, and not get burned and pilalged to the ground.

    Yes, the Eldâr-KrΦnes are ladies. The equivalent males would be the Grey Cödjers. But they were busy wood-working, like Brett says.

    PS. Ursaal is in the last panel. You can see him playing tug-of-war with Bjorgolf with the horrible coat the KrΦnes made him wear.

    @Brett

    Next time you’re over for Beerz, I wanna see one of them Viking Berserker Belches!

    PS. Doesn’t suprise me that hardly anyone’s commenting. That’s typically what happens with any blog post I write that takes a huge ammount of work.

    Mabye I should just post a photo of my teddy bear and not say much. That always pleases the crowd.

  9. Davina Says:

    I’m with Steph. My favourite illustration was of the one where he was reading by candlelight. He reminds me a little of Bullwinkle. “Eldar KrΦnes… also known as Oöld Phårtes…related to the bat family” — Hilarious!

    RE the lack of comments… really same thing as your last monster comment roll when you think of it. How many of the comments were actually about what you wrote (not that there’s anything wrong with that–just sayin’) This post kicks ass! Long live Thunderfröck.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    I know…last week, everything got hijacked and I had 130 comments. And that entire post was written in maybe 30 minutes.

    This whole saga (including Parts I and II)probably took 12 hours. Most of which was the drawings alone.

    But I wrote it because I had it in me, and I wanted to get it out. Not because I expected tons of people to read it.

    Though I’m glad a few loyal readers fully appreciate Thunderfröck. 🙂

  11. Karen JL Says:

    Sorry. I come here to escape cartoons.

    So I got nuthin’. 😉

  12. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Does that mean you dont’ have anything to say because you’re cartooned-out?

    Or that you don’t consider these cartoons? 😉

  13. Karen JL Says:

    Cartoon-ed out.

    They’re lovely darling. Nice use of color. I suck at that because I live in a black and white world. 😉

  14. Kyddryn Says:

    Sorry I’m late, sugar – I’ve been juggling flaming chainsaws here at Casa de Crazy and got behind on my reading!

    No, not really with the chainsaws…but that’d be a cool reason to be a slacker, wouldn’t it??

    I like the ending – seems like there’s something of a moral to it, in that it’s always best to be who we are, without pretense. Also, when visiting Viking villages, one ought to carry a gas-mask…and maybe a Hazmat suit…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who very much enjoys your cartoons…)

  15. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Vikings rock.

    I love it.

    If you want 130 comments, post a dead fish then spill the beans about someone we all know whose been lying.

    Worked in the past.

    Eyeteaguy


  16. […] This post was Twitted by DavinaH […]

  17. Friar Says:

    @Karen
    You must be cartooned out. No off color comments, or anything. 😉

    @Kyddryn
    Never intended for there to be a moral, but it kinda turned out that way.

    Basically, let Sleeping Vikings Lie, or something like that.

    @Eyeteaguy

    I’m glad you found this post worth waiting for. (They take a lot more work than me rambling on about something off the top of my head)

    Oh, and regarding the 130 comment posts. I don’t think I want to relive another drama like last weeks’ for a LONG time… 😉

  18. Steph Says:

    Friar: Yes! New accessories make all the diff, don’t they? Actually, I wondered if that’s what it was. Your colours, at least, are different and…better.

  19. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Whatever, you live for drama.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Steph
    It took me years of going back and forth between art stores till I finally found a system of pens and paper that I like.

    It’s kinda like being a kid, and playing with a box of really expensive crayons. It doesn’t even feel like work.

    @Eyeteaguy

    ….which YOU guys help perpetuate, I might add.

  21. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Perpetuate – To cause to continue indefinitely.

    In the case of you blog, I sure hope so.

    Now where did I put my flame thrower.

    Eyeteaguy

  22. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yes…as long as I have the same 5-6 people visiting, it’s just enough to provide the illusion that people are actually reading this, to inspire me to keep writing.

    And I think you (and the five others) for that.

  23. Eyeteaguy Says:

    After last week its only 3-4 people now.

    Don’t worry, I’ll stalk… I mean keep visiting you for as long as we both shall live.

    Eyeteaguy

  24. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yay. Lucky me.

  25. seestor Says:

    YAY VIKINGS! The tardiness of my post represents only my lack of internet connectivity in the last week due to a whirlwind tour of the Pacific Nortwest.

    I love the vikings. They’re ridiculous, absurd and are generally a$$holes. They’re hilarious. I think the donkey, bear, and dog are smarter than the vikings. I especially like the dog because it reminds me of a certain Toller that I know (and who is crashed beside me after a great romp in the snow) albeit she’s never pharted in my presence. Perhaps that something that will come with doggy old age.

    I too love the illustration of the Viking by candlelight, well done. The belcher’s belch is so powerful it just about splits his head in two.

    Hee hee. I wouldn’t take the downturn in comments to be a bad sign. My take is that your groupies respect your creativity to much to hijack the post and turn it into the traditional boob/fart/poo rant.

    Seestor J

    P.S. I like the concept of velcro boobs. You could try on different sizes while having a poo and farting.

  26. Brett Legree Says:

    Belching at your command.

    @seestor,

    Did somebody say *Vikings*?

  27. Donald Mills Says:

    Fjörk you??? Good God I thought I’d heard it all.

    Funny stuff, Friar.I particularly like young Gunnar with his pants down, pot on his head and his hearty cries of “yo, yo, yo.”

    That lad has a future and the future is now.

  28. Friar Says:

    @Seestor

    Notice the dog is looks like a Great DANE? (To fit in with the Viking theme).

    And yes, I think the animals are at least as intelligent as their Viking masters (if not more so).

    PS. Nice try to hijack this and talk about boobs. But that was LAST weeks’ party.

    @Brett
    Unfortunately, I’m visiting Friar’s Mom and her computer isn’t set up to see your attachment. I’ll have to wait till I get back tomorrow.

    Though I have no doubt it’s something God-Awful. 😉

    @Don
    Glad you enjoyed this!

    I must admit, you’ve had an influence on this post. Little Gunnar going “Yo! Yo! Yo!” was inspired from your Young People Trading Cards and your witty rants about them.

    Don’t worry about Gunnar, though. I’m pretty sure his Father will smarten him up and put him to work storming castles and such.

    Those Vikings just didn’t put up with that kind of crap for too long.

  29. Jaden Says:

    I love this format, picture book blog style! Looks so good. You are funny as ever… Love the names. If only them foreigners knew what their names sounded like in English. 😉

  30. Friar Says:

    @Jaden

    Nice to see you drop by. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

    Seems my Viking posts are slowly becoming more popular. I might have to start making more of them…

    Some of the Viking names, I obviously made up. But others, I actually looked up. It’s amazing what you find on the Internet.

    http://www.angelfire.com/wy/svenskildbiter/Viking/viknams3.html

  31. seestor Says:

    @ Friar

    A great DANE, of course! How slow of me. I must be slow because I have gorgeous breasts. Did you poo or fart today?

  32. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Ever get the feeling that Seestor is trying to hijack the comments section?

    You would do better by divulging a personal yet embarrasing detail about your brother so we can all join in and pick on him.

    Just a suggestion.

    Eyeteaguy

  33. Friar Says:

    @Seestor
    You may be slow today but whether this has anything to do with your breasts, I refuse to comment. After all, I am your brother.

    And yes, I did poo today. Like every other.

    @Eyeteaguy

    I dunno…I think Seestor is stirring the pot up, to get your attention, not mine.

    And it’s obviously working.


  34. OK, I am commenting just so you know I do actually read these goofy things and to prove I am your loyal and devoted big sis reader…even if belching and other unmentionable behavior in these types of posts are disgusting.

    I swear…I could actually *smell* this post. That was NOT a good thing.

    But your drawings are amazing. You know I think you are so talented right?…Just in case I haven’t told you lately.

  35. Wendi Kelly Says:

    Friar,
    that last comment above was from me, somehow I was logged in from my friends account cause he borrowed my lap top. Didn’t notice that until it hit send. Sorry!

  36. Friar Says:

    @Wendi

    Glad you cleared that up because I was totally getting confused as to who the heck Tiki-Torch was!

    As for belching and “unmentionable” behaviour…well, whattya expect? They’re VIKINGS!

    You can offer to send me to my room, if you like. (But I wont’ necsesarily listen!) 🙂


  37. I’m surprised the Eldâr Krønes didn’t drive off in their Buicks or Lincolns.


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