Christmas Cartoon Haiku

(*Thanks to Barbara, who got me thinking in Haikus today)

a
a

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Little Drummer Boy
God, what a lame-ass cartoon.
Pa Rum Pa Pum DUMB.

*****************************

Poor Bumble Snow-man
Herbie ripped out all your teeth
Now how will you eat?

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Charlie Brown, your friends:
Frieda, Shermy, Violet.
What happened to them?

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Kris Kringle’s girl friend.
I know she’s just a puppet
But isn’t she hot?

*************************

Dumb-ass Frosty kids
It’s freezing outside right now.
Is this how you dress?

****************************

You repented, good.
But how to return the gifts?
They’re all mixed up now

*************************

The best poo ever.
I love you Mr. Hanky
(Typical South Park)

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30 Comments on “Christmas Cartoon Haiku”

  1. Kyddryn Says:

    Hey, Friar – have you ever seen A Wish for Wings That Work?

    Nothing says “holidays” like Opus and Bill the Cat!

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  2. Friar Says:

    @Kyddryn

    I read all the Bloom County books…

    Did they actually make it a cartoon?

  3. Cath Lawson Says:

    You crack me up Friar. Mind you, I never noticed how little the kids were wearing on that Frosty the Snowman cover. And they say letting kids watch horror films is dangerous.

  4. Friar Says:

    @Cath

    That one always bugged me, even as a kid. They had some of the Dumb-Ass Frosty kids playing outside in SHORTS and not wearing any mittens or anything.

    Having grown up in Montreal…I can tell you…you just can’t DO this type of thing. Even if you wanted to.

    Stupid Hollywood animators. Obviously they’ve never been outside Southern California and they have no clue.

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    The Frosty thing is the kind of crap that perpetuates the idea that “winter is fun”.

    Winter is not fun.

    Winter is frozen hell.

    I’m all for driving up in the mountains to do a little skiing, but if I never have to shovel again…

    I’m dreaming of a green Christmas… πŸ™‚

  6. Karen Swim Says:

    ROFL! So true about the Frosty kids! What’s up with that? LOL!

  7. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    That’s why I want to move to the Okanogan Valley.

    It could be plus 5C in February with grass showing and people are already starting to golf in March.

    But you drive for 45 minutes up into the mountains and there’s tons of snow and world-class ski resorts.

    @Karen

    Exactly!

    Where I live, if a kid dressed like that in December, they’d have Children’s Aid investigating the parents for being neglectful.

  8. Brett Legree Says:

    Exactly… that part of BC has expensive real estate for a reason. Maybe when all the OΓΆld PhΓ₯rtes are too oΓΆld to ski, there’ll be a fire sale on houses, then you and I could afford to live there.

    Heh heh… my kids once went to school without mitts and hats.

    School sent a note home.

    I replied on the note, “Has it happened since? No, it hasn’t. Why? Because now the kids *know* I’m serious when I say, ‘find your mitts and hats’.”

    I’m not going to mollycoddle them… how else will they grow into brave Viking Warriors?

  9. Wendi Kelly Says:

    I’m dreaming of a green Christmas with Brett. And an Ocean Blue one too.

    White Christmas…blech. It’s all yours.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    The problem is…all the rich foreigners are moving to BC and snapping up all the real estate. Bulldozing down apple orchards and building monster homes and expensive condos.

    Hope I’ll be able to afford to live there, one day.

    @Wendi
    I spent Christmas once, in Australia. It was 30C outside. THAT was kinda weird. I missed the snow.

    But it was nice to have summer on Dec. 26, though.

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar,

    Maybe they’ll all die of avian flu?

  12. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Or maybe the avian flu will mutate into Captain Trips, and we ALL die.

    Cheerful thought, to go along with the Christmas theme, here.

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    Cheerful if you survive and are in the market for a house in BC, I guess…

  14. Karen JL Says:

    I don’t think I’ll ever have a hope in hell of affording a house here. Right now it’s even cheaper for me and my guy to live at our separate apartments (because we’ve lived there so long) than to move and get a bigger place. It would probably cost us *more*.

    But I am having a green winter. And I’ll be in L.A. Christmas week (if I can finish my stupid board). Don’t be hatin’. πŸ™‚

  15. eyeteaguy Says:

    Hey Seeeeeeesor! Friar’s been into the spiked eggnog again!

    Eyeteaguy

  16. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    No, I’m not hatin’. Because from what it sounds like, your job for the past month sounds like jail (as you’ve described it). So you’ve probably earned a good break.

    You’ll have to let us know what CAT is up to. πŸ˜‰

    @Eyeteaguy

    I don’t think Seestor has time to answer in the middle of a work day.

    She’s probably too busy..she probably has a REAL job.

    Unlike SOME of us.

  17. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – Robots. Battle scenes. Ugh.

    I want the episode where Coop and Kat are on a desert island fighting over a coconut for 11 minutes.
    THAT would be some good TV right there. πŸ˜‰

  18. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Robot battle scenes? (*Snicker*)

    Sorry, I have to laugh.

    Because in the entire time I’ve known you through your blog…not ONCE, have you ever expressed a passion for Robots. πŸ™‚

    I think the coconut-fight is more along your style.

  19. steph Says:

    Totally love the new header!! (Oops, pardon the pun, I think!)

  20. Seestor Says:

    @eyeteaman

    We have to stop meeting like this. Or not … let’s keep meeting like this.

    Friar is way off track. OK, he’s right that if I’m on the road (sales, you know), I don’t have time to blogosphere. If I’m spending a home office day … well … I read about comic strip Haikus and like to ponder about Vikings. My laundry tends to get done too and sometimes cleaning my toilets is more appealing than cleaning my inbox.

    I have a secret … I’m making Friar a Christmas gift out of dryer lint and toilet paper rolls. I’m trying to incorporate olive pits into it, but I’m having a really hard time with that. He’ll love it, though he’ll pretend otherwise. He loves stuff made of out crap. (Did you see Brett’s pumpkin at Halloween?!)

    Back to the more egg nog. Mmmm.

  21. XUP Says:

    Friar the poet
    Existential humour
    Nothing is sacred

  22. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    Yeah, it was about time I changed the autumn leaves theme!

    @Seestor

    But Brett’s pumpkin was fun for a day or so,then I got to throw it out.

    Unlike our family, that insists on recycling urine-stained junk from the Sally-Ann.

    @XUP

    Not sure what “Existential humor” is supposed to be (as opposed to regular humor). But I’ll take that as a compliment. (I guess…?)

  23. Kyddryn Says:

    Hey, Friar – they DID make a cartoon of it. I have a copy…it’s awesome! I think you can still buy it on Amazon…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  24. Friar Says:

    @Kyddryn

    I’m usually pretty up on all the best cartoons. How did something as cool as Opus and Bill slip by me?

  25. XUP Says:

    Existential, first of all sounds cool in a haiku and secondly just means it’s humour based on your experiences and/or the human experience overall with a bit of personal philosophy thrown in. And yes, you may take it as a compliment

  26. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    It was an honest question, because nobody ever explained to me what “Existentialism” was…and I never felt urge to look it up.

    Hooray, for the compliment, though! πŸ™‚

  27. Lisis Says:

    These are lovely! That last one brought a tear to my eye… oh, the memories.

    πŸ™‚

  28. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Lisis

    Heidy-Ho! πŸ™‚


  29. Heidy-Ho, indeed, Friar’s Mom. Thanks! I really needed a good laugh this morning. I’m dealing with gov paperwork 😦


  30. Och. Change Herbie to HERMIE for heaven’s sake! Loved this by the way.. πŸ˜‰


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