Viking Winter Olympic Events

Full-Contact Ski Jumping

The objective of the Defense Team is to prevent the Jumper from breaking through their lines.
The objective of the Jumper is to smash through the Defense’s lines, and try to fly to Valhalla.

Whoever wins doesn’t matter.  Either way, it’s all good entertainment.

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Warrior Figure Skating

Ten percent of the score is based on skating ability.   Ninety-percent is based on the ability to intimidate the judges.

(Nyaaargghh!)

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The Judge Toss

This event almost always follows the Warrior Figure Skating

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Viking Curling

What better way to celebrate past victories, than to slide the skulls of your defeated enemies on a frozen pond?

As an added bonus, the skulls, when hollowed out, also make great beverage containers.     The use of controlled substances (such as Viking Grög) is highly encouraged.

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The Medal Presentationa

Normally takes place during the end, if the podium isn’t pillaged and burned down.

You’ll know it’s over, when Berthùnkä sings the Viking Anthem.

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18 Comments on “Viking Winter Olympic Events”

  1. Brett Legree Says:

    What??? No Kilted One? No Wii Sports?

    ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!

    How about a sort of biathlon where they shoot at the Eldâr KrΦnes!

  2. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I am trying to think of something witty to say.

    I’ll have to get back to you.

    Eyestumpedguy

  3. XUP Says:

    I don’t really see a difference between the Viking Olympics and Viking every day life. How do they know when they’re doing Olympics?

  4. Kyddryn Says:

    Delightful, Friar…thanks for starting my day with a grin…

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K (who is not awake enough, even at this late hour, to be charming, witty, or anything more than vaguely coherent)

  5. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    The Kilted One was pretty busy with Vikings last week. After that meeting, he felt he needed a time out.

    @Eyestumpedguy
    Wow..you’re speechless?

    I don’t know what to say.

    @XUP
    Not that much different. Except the Berserker got to pilfer the medals at the Award Ceremony.

    @Kyddryn
    A day that starts with Vikings…is always a GOOD day.

  6. Karen JL Says:

    NO…more…Olympic talk…

  7. Friar Says:

    What?

    You mean you’ve had enough of those TV commercials narrated by Donald Sutherland?

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I still got nothin’.

  9. Karen JL Says:

    It’s way more than TV commercials dude.

    Don’t drive anywhere, don’t park anywhere, don’t leave your house at all, work from home…bla bla bla. If I didn’t already do those things I’d be pissed.

  10. bellavan Says:

    Karen JL: You gotta move to Ontario. After the torch breezed through, we’re like, what Olympics? I never hear about them!

  11. Karen JL Says:

    @bellavan – And leave the most unaffordable city in the WORLD? Not on your life. 😉

  12. Friar Says:

    @Eyegeaguy

    Well, I’m going to assume that means my post was so gosh-darned GOOD, you have nothing bad to say about it.

    @Karen
    I’m heading to BC in a couple of days to ski. But I’ll be staying near Vernon. I don’t plan on going anywhere NEAR Vancouver…that’s going to be one big Fuster Cluck.

    @Bellavan
    I like how the torch back-tracked all around Ottawa and started heading EAST again, so they could hit all the hick-towns.

  13. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Yeah, but at least you have a high-paying job to make up for it, right…? 😉

  14. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – Yes, it’s best to keep your distance. It’s not bad *yet*. Except for them shutting down half the roads on Fridays…for practice.

    I’m waiting for them to ship out all the homeless and drop a big white sheet over druggie-ville.

    (High-paying job? Huh, wha? Sorry, I’m unclear on the concept…)

  15. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    Wow…they never did anything that stupid in Montreal (I was there in ’76). That’s gotta be annoying.

    But look on the bright side. Soon we’ll get to hear about all the athletes, and not have to be subjected to depressing stories about Haiti anymore.

  16. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I’m working on it, I’m working on it.

    Eyestumpedguy

  17. Anemone Says:

    You can tell these Vikings are not competing in Vancouver, since they have all that snow, and we don’t. If they were competing here, they’d probably stage raids to steal snow from the other events first.

  18. Friar Says:

    @Eyestumpedguy

    Hmmm…if I want to get a rise out of you, I guess I’m gonna have to post something lame-ass, then.

    Like a still-life painting of some fruit, or something.

    @Anemone
    Vikings are too smart to compete in Vancouver. They know that the snow s unreliable. You cant’ depend on it.

    For the same reason, that’s why the World Cup ski races no longer take place at Whistler….for the past few decades.

    Too bad nobody told the International Olympic Committee, though.


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