Looking Through the Glass
An Optimist will say the glass is half-full
A Pessimist will say the glass is half-empty.
A Severe Optimist will burst into tears of gratitude, and will write an inspiring blog post about being thankful for having access to clean drinking water, and a glass to hold it in.
An Engineer will say the glass is at 50% full capacity.
An Engineer Professor will point out that the cross-section of the glass varies with height (h). In order to find the true volume (V) one needs to integrate (dV/dh) from h(0) to h(final).
An English Major will get mad at the Engineer Professor’s explanation, because they don’t understand it.
An English Professor will write a paper on “The Symbolism of a half-full glass, related to the juxtaposition of the American Dream and the plight of post-industrial Welsh Coal Miners.”.
A Liberal will point out that the glass used to be more full, but the last Neo-Conservative government drained it by giving tax breaks to their fat-cat corporate rich friends.
A Conservative will point out that the glass could be much fuller, if the Liberals didnt’ insist on emptying it all the time to fund their social services programs.
An Environmentalist will say that we waste too much water, and that chlorine is killing the fishes and making the ice-caps melt.
A Zen-master Wannabee will point out that the glass is what it is, and everyone will Oooh and Aahhh at how insightful that is.
A dumb-ass Labrador Retriever will sniff the glass, knock it over, and chew on it while wagging its tail, regardless of glass slivers on the tongue.
A Senior will point out that in their day, the glasses were only one-quarter full, and they were thankful to have THAT….
A three-year old kid will keep touching the glass (despite Mummy’s urging NOT to), until it topples over the edge of the table and smashes, resulting in a tantrum and a Time-Out.
A Social Media Douchebag will offer to sell virtual E-Glasses for $127.77, but buy now, because next week the price goes up to $577.77.
A Life Coach will say ask us how full we would LIKE the glass to be, and what postive “Actions” do we think we’d need to complete, in order to achieve this goal?
An Asshole Squirrel, for some reason, will find the glass extremely annoying, and will spend the morning perched up in a tree chattering at it.
A Twitter addict will announce to the world in intricate detail how refreshing and tasty it was to drink half the beverage that was originally there. (Yum!)
Mr. T won’t tell you either way. But he’ll pity the fool glass.
Donald Duck will give an honest answer. Unfortunately nobody will be able to understand him.
An IT guy will want a bigger glass. This existing one is obsolete, and can’t keep up with the flow from the new water tap.
A Viking Warrior will ask: “What happened to the hollowed-out skulls we used to drink from?”