Looking Through the Glass

 

An Optimist will say the glass is half-full

A Pessimist will say the glass is half-empty.

A Severe Optimist will burst into tears of gratitude,  and will write an inspiring blog post about being thankful for having access to clean drinking water, and a glass to hold it in.

An Engineer will say the glass is at 50% full capacity.

An Engineer Professor will point out that the cross-section of the glass varies with height (h).   In order to find the true volume (V)  one needs to integrate  (dV/dh) from  h(0) to h(final).

An English Major will get mad at the Engineer Professor’s explanation, because they don’t understand it.  

An English Professor will write a paper on “The Symbolism of a half-full glass, related to the juxtaposition of the American Dream and the plight of post-industrial Welsh Coal Miners.”. 

A Liberal will point out that the glass used to be more full,  but the last Neo-Conservative government drained it by giving tax breaks to their fat-cat corporate rich friends.  

A Conservative will point out that the glass could be much fuller, if the Liberals didnt’ insist on emptying  it all the time to fund their social services programs. 

An Environmentalist will say that we waste too much water, and that chlorine is killing the fishes and making the ice-caps melt.

A Zen-master Wannabee will point out that the glass is what it is, and everyone will Oooh and Aahhh at how insightful that is. 

A dumb-ass Labrador Retriever will sniff the glass, knock it over, and chew on it while wagging its tail, regardless of glass slivers on the tongue. 

A Senior will point out that in their day, the glasses were only one-quarter full,  and they were thankful to have THAT….

A three-year old kid will keep touching the glass (despite Mummy’s urging NOT to), until it topples over the edge of the table and smashes, resulting in a tantrum and a Time-Out.

A Social Media Douchebag will offer to sell virtual E-Glasses for $127.77,  but buy now, because next week the price goes up to $577.77.   

A Life Coach will say ask us how full we would LIKE the glass to be, and what postive “Actions”  do we think we’d need to complete,  in order to achieve this goal?

An Asshole Squirrel, for some reason, will find the glass extremely annoying,  and will spend the morning perched up in a tree  chattering at it.

A Twitter addict will  announce to the world in intricate detail how refreshing and tasty it was to drink half the beverage that was originally there.  (Yum!)

Mr. T won’t tell you either way.  But he’ll pity the fool glass.

Donald Duck will give an honest answer.  Unfortunately nobody will be able to understand him.

An  IT guy will want a bigger glass.   This existing one is obsolete, and can’t keep up with the flow from the new water tap.   

A Viking Warrior will ask:  “What happened to the hollowed-out skulls we used to drink  from?”

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19 Comments on “Looking Through the Glass”

  1. eyeteaguy Says:

    Damn, that is funny.

    I can’t wait to see what others your loyal readers will come up with.

    Since IT was already taken, I will refrain.

    Eyeteaguy
    P.S. Firsties! Again!


  2. My wife will notice that the glass wasn’t washed well.

  3. XUP Says:

    The mother of a teenager will ask why the hell you’re offering her water when that glass is just the right size for a healthy slug of wine.

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    The beer-drinker’s glass gets blurrier and blurrier as it is emptied and refilled again and again.

  5. Karen Swim Says:

    I love an equal opportunity rant. 🙂 I fell into a few of those categories but my favorite was the virtual e-glass, lol!

  6. Allison Day Says:

    LOL Friar, too funny. My two favorites were the Engineer Professor and the IT Guy, of course. 😀

    The Facebook addict will become a fan of “Glass half full”, and invite all their friends to become fans too. Or send all their friends “glass half full” virtual gifts. Probably both. 😉


  7. An artist will notice the reflection on the table that the light makes going through the glass and how the shapes in the water are really kind of cool , want to draw /paint it….AND you get to drink it after… 🙂

    VERY VERY funny..:)

  8. Friar's Mom Says:

    Friar’s Mom will say “Why is that glass still on the table? I asked you to clear off the dishes an hour ago.”

  9. Karen JL Says:

    An overworked animator will say “That better be vodka in that glass…”

  10. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Friar, you may be funny, but your Mom is hilarious.

    Funniest thing I’ve read all year.

    No go cleat off the table like I asked.

    Eyeteaguy

  11. Friar Says:

    @EyeFirstGuy

    Firsties, two times in one week!

    (It’s almost like you don’t have anything better to do).

    Though I’m glad you liked the reference to the IT guy.

    @Tony
    Yes, women will do that,won’t they? (Take something totally unrelated, and turn it into something we’ve done wrong!) 😉

    @XUP
    I’d have thought a mother of a teenager would need something stronger than just wine.

    @Brett
    Just like our beer glasses on Thursday nights, eh?

    @Allison
    Yeah, I figured you’d like that one. Too bad I didn’t how to make intergral signs on WordPress, it would have looked better.

    You’re spot on about Facebook, though!

    @Janice
    Hmmm…Maybe that should be the subject of my next painting.

    If I do paint it, I’ll post it here and make Eyeteaguy livid.

    @Friar’s Mom
    *sigh*

    Okay…Mom! Okay!

    @Karen
    Can animators afford vodka?

    @Eyeteaguy
    I’ve tried to convince Friar’s Mom to start a blog of her own, but she can’t be bothered. She’d just rather lurk here.

    …cleatin’ off the table, boss. Cleatin’ off the table.

  12. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yah, what’s with the cleatin off the table? Is that just a typo, or did you deliberately come up with a new word –a combination of:

    Cleanin off the table and Eatin off the table?

  13. Karen JL Says:

    @ Friar – We prioritize.

  14. Friar Says:

    @Karen Swim

    Oops. Almost forgot about you, there.

    If you like the Virtual E-Glasses, maybe I can set you up as an affiliate marketer. (Seriously, I bet people would buy these!) 😉

  15. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    I have just now gained a whole new respect for animators!


  16. Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by joannayoung: Glass half full? what your answer reveals http://twurl.nl/8djjlh priceless, via @deep_friar…

  17. eyeteaguy Says:

    @ Friar’s Mom

    Obviously didn’t proof read my comments before I hit submit.

    Perhaps is was subliminal? Friar was playing golf, had his cleats on? Got some dirt in the table? Cleat the table? Maybe?

    Naw, just a typo. Nice catch though.

    Eyteejuy

  18. Steph Says:

    As an English major, I can say I didn’t even get mad at the Engineering prof’s calculations. I just freaked out and shut down.

  19. Friar Says:

    @Steph

    If you were a true artsie, you’d have rolled your eyes, and mumbled something about illiterate engineers who only know equations and have no concept of aesthetics and the finer things in life. 😉


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