Viking Nursery Rhymes
Hyûmpeti Dûmpeti wanted it all.
So Hyûmpeti breached the castle wall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men,
Couldn’t stop Hyûmpeti from plundr’ing again.
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Jörgen Pyörgen,
Lutefisk and rye.
Slayed the enemy and made them die.
But Jörgen let some get away,
So he could slay them another day.
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Old Mother Hybbörd
Smashed a Celt’s cupboard
To fetch her Great Dane a bone.
The door she did break
And found a nice steak
Which she shared with him when they got home.
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Hyörgenddy Byörgenddy.
My son Jon.
Went to bed with his armour on.
One boot off, and one boot on.
Hyörgenndy Byörgenndy
My son Jon.
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Thron, Thron, the Viking Son,
Took a pig, but did not run.
He stood his ground: “I take what’s mine!”
“Tonight I feast! On pork I’ll dine!”
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Yåck be nimble.
Yåck be quick.
Yåck go plunder the candle stick.
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Little Bo Peep
Can’t find all her sheep
But that’s the least of her worries.
With Vikings invading,
Her farm they’ll be raiding.
Run! Bo Peep! Run!
And hurry!
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Helga, Helga.
What’d I tell ya?
By Thor, does your garden sure grow.
With Silver Bells
And Cockle Shells
And enemy skulls in a row.
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Row, row, row your drakkar.
Boldly on the Sea.
Scarily! Scarily! Scarily! Scarily!
A Viking’s life, for me!
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Leif and Jìyll
Went up the hill
To claim a pail of water.
Leif did yell “Let’s burn the well!”
And Jìyll came pillaging after.
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Roses are red,
The color of Blood.
Be nice to Vikings.
Or your name is Mud.
Tags: comics, humor, mother goose, nursery rhymes, vikings
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The Deep Friar 
February 20, 2010 at 2:59 am
@Wee Friar,
Firsties! Best Viking post yet.
February 20, 2010 at 3:52 am
Wee Wittle Friar sketching many hours,
Pillages in villages, battles in the towers.
Setting rhymes to pictures, drinking Splat Grog,
Are his readers belly-laughing, at this Viking Blog?
February 20, 2010 at 8:46 am
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah *big breath* Ah hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn that was funny and well worth the wait.
Eyeteaguy
February 20, 2010 at 9:36 am
I like the last one the best. Yes, I do.
Be nice to Vikings.
Maybe that should be our new motto.
February 20, 2010 at 10:09 am
Suppose we can find enough loot to convince the vikings to come pillage stevie.
February 20, 2010 at 12:40 pm
Truely awesome! My little girl was reading them over my shoulder and loved them to.
February 20, 2010 at 12:56 pm
@Friar’s Mom
You’re on Pacific Time…so you have a three hour advantage over everyone else.
But I’m glad you still beat Eyeteaguy to “firsties”.
Nice poem, too!
@Eyeteaguy
I KNEW you’d like this one…!
@Brett
Yes…simple but catchy. It would make a good brand for a company, doncha think?
@dave
Sure…they can set up another stronghold in Newfoundland…like they did in the year 1009.
@Phoneixdeath
I’m glad your kid liked this and wasn’t traumatized! 🙂
(But kids like these type of stories, anyway.)
February 20, 2010 at 7:44 pm
@Wee Friar,
I knew I had an advantage of being firstie.
My rhyme was a nothing compared to yours. It’s hard work making words rhyme and try to make it funny.
@Friar’s readers,
Any ideas for a Viking Nursey Rhyme? Maybe it’ll provide fuel for Friar for another funny post.
February 20, 2010 at 11:02 pm
Friar, you are a continual delight. Thanks for the grin…if I ever get my printer to work properly (fraggin’ piece of expletive deleted expensive paprweight!!), may I print these rhymes?
Shade and Sweetwater,
K
February 21, 2010 at 10:59 am
If you don’t submit this to a publisher, you’re a puddin’ head. No excuses. Throw in a few more, promise some fairy tales – Viking style – for future books. Kids will will love ’em
February 21, 2010 at 12:05 pm
@Friar’s Mom
These are easy to come up with. I only stopped after a few…because it takes so long to draw them.
@Kyddryn
By all means, print these out and show them around! Spread the word!
@XUP
I think you may be onto something there. Wendi has been encouraging me to try to publish some of my stuff. I had a few old ideas…but this one just came in out of the blue, as of last week.
I bet you a bunch of bleeding-heart granola parents won’t approve of the pillaging and burning. (But that’s what makes it funny, and what kids like…older kids, that is).
February 21, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I agree with Wendi, your work needs to be published. Although some parents may not approve, there are enough out there who would.
Go Friar Go!
February 21, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Do you know the Struwwelpeter book? Or the Max and Moritz book? I grew up on those — along with original Grimm fairy tales. Now those were gruesome. Traditionally, children’s literature has always been strange and frightening and even nightmarish. Even in today’s pantywaist society we have Harry Potter and Series of Unfortunate Events and remakes of Willy Wonka and Alice in Wonderland. Kids somehow need and crave this stuff. Let ’em have it!
February 22, 2010 at 10:26 am
@Barbara
I think the fact that parents may not approve would make the book even more marketable to kids!
I’m so sick of these polically-correct namby-pamby books. I think a little (implied) violence and gore
would be a nice change! 😉
@XUP
I’m not familiar with Struwwelpeter or Max and Moritz off the top of my head.
But I bet I’ve probably read those books, at one time or another, and I’d recognize them if I saw them.
I had an awesome fairy-tale book when I was a kid.
There were all kids of gory stories. Incluing a mean wolf some baby goats. The mother goat cuts open the wolf while he’s napping and lets her kids out. And she fills his stomach full of rocks, and he drowns while swimming.
I was THREE, when I had these stories. And they didn’t traumatize me in the least.
February 22, 2010 at 11:42 am
@Wee Friar,
I wonder how many preent-day children know their nursery rhymes. Would they be able to figure out which rhymes you’re making fun of?
Perhaps the Rhymes should be marketed to the older crowd.
Just thinking.
@ Friar’s Brother,
Have you read these to my Grandies? Are they too young? Any comments from them?
February 22, 2010 at 1:57 pm
As always… fun stuff here Friar. Publish, publish, publish! I’d buy and I don’t even have kids. You could have your own comic column in the paper. I’d subscribe to *that* paper and I rarely EVER buy the paper.
These aren’t any more violent than the Bugs Bunny Roadrunner Show where that poor coyote dreams up his never-ending schemes involving dynomite to catch the Roadrunner, only to fall over a cliff for the millionth time. “splat” 🙂
Talk to the producers of the Simpsons show. Go to the Big Guys; I’m thinking here of the Itchy & Scratchy segment of course.
“Slayed the enemy and made them die. But Jörgen let some get away, So he could slay them another day.” I like how Jörgen was strategizing and thinking ahead for tomorrow.
February 22, 2010 at 3:46 pm
I’m one of these namby pamby types who thinks little kids shouldn’t be exposed to this stuff, before they’re sophisticated enough to deconstruct it. (I’ve read some of the research on media violence.) But I bet university students would love this stuff. (And they can write theses on it, too!) Maybe your vikings could sack a university during exams sometime?
I particularly liked “Row, row, row your drakkar”.
February 22, 2010 at 6:47 pm
I tried writing a verse response and couldn’t. So no ideas.
They are flippin’ marvellous, your rhymes.
@anemone see the comment XUP made four or five up. Little kids absolutely need and should be exposed to ‘this stuff’ it is part of developing a creative imagination later. (Did post-grad on mythology)
February 22, 2010 at 8:52 pm
These books are usually in German. I’ve never seen them in translation though I’m sure they exist. If you google them you can see some excerpts though. They’re right down your ally.
February 22, 2010 at 11:19 pm
@Friar’s Mom
I’m not ever sure today’s kids even KNOW what a nursery rhyme is.
Between the PC parents censoring everything, and the damned video games…they probably have no clue.
So maybe it’s time to re-introduce them to the concept. 😉
@Davina
Yes…those Vikings were very pro-active. I think they’d make great motivational speakers.
And kids aint’ stupid…they love the violent stuff just as much as we do.
@Anemone
Yeah..but you and I grew up on all those violent stories and gruesome stuff…and we didnt’ end up as dysfunctional axe murderers.
@Kate
I agree…expose the little urchins to the real world. It helps them deal with reality, and like I just said to Anemone, it didn’t’ seem to do us any harm.
@XUP
Okay..now you’ve got my curiosity. I gotta Google them.
I suspect the same would apply for today’s kids.
February 23, 2010 at 9:28 am
I was going to say anything but…
I think Hyörgenddy Byörgenddy stained his sheets.
Eyeteaguy
February 23, 2010 at 10:37 am
@Eyeteaguy
It’s the cheap scanner I have…it makes the color of the sheets look blotchy, instead of one uniform color.
But it IS possible that the little lad had an accident. After all..it’s hard to get out of battle armour quickly, when you have to go.
March 8, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Woot. Colonel these are GOOOOD.
March 8, 2010 at 6:28 pm
@Janice
heh heh.
TOOK ya long enough to find these! 🙂
But thanks for the compliment!