A Twitters’ Guide to Selecting the Right Coach For Yourself (*)

(*) No, I did NOT make these up.   These are from actual bios found on Twitter.

(**)  With apologies to my Life-Coach Friends.   This isn’t’ about you…it’s about the spammers who insist filling on following me.

******************************************

Certified Life Coach
Nothing unusual here.  This one’s fairly mainstream by now.

Life Success Coach
It’s one thing to be a Life Coach.   But it takes that extra special person to take it one step further, and make it about Life AND Success.  I’d go with this one.

Certified Wellness and Career Coach
What if you’re not feeling well ?… AND you need help with your career?     Well, look no further…here’s your answer!

Effectiveness Coach-Consultant
I’m not sure about this guy.   He’s only about being effective.   I’d much rather go with the Life-Success coach, who covers all the bases.

Personal Wellness Coach
Again, I suspect this one is a Life-Success Coach wannabee.

Life Coach Guru Mentor
Wow.  This guy must be, like, the Life Coach for all the other Life-Coaches.

Time Management and Personal Effectiveness Coach
Actually, this is a pretty smart move.  In case the Personal Effectiveness thing doesn’t work out, you can always fall back on the Time Management part.

Certified Mastermind Executive™ Coach
I don’t know what a Mastermind Executive is, but the superscript ” TM ”  gives this one extra street-cred in my books.

Skin Fitness Coach
How….er…specific.  Who’d have thought so many people had skin fitness issues, that they need coaching with?  Which universities offer this certification?

Open-minded Relationship Coach, swinger, bi and just a woman.
I don’t know about you, but I find this one hot!

Online Fitness Coach and Certified Nutrition & Wellness Consultant
For those who can’t afford a personal trainer: now you can hire someone to motivate you to go to the gym, via the internet.    Or, you can just go to the gym anyway, and try to interact with real-life people.  Either way, it’s all good.

I am a Christian Life Coach/Wisdom Coach
In case you wanted to know:   How would Jesus Life-Coach?

Diet Coach
I can save you a lot of time, and summarize everything in four words:   Eat less.  Exercise more.

Independent Team Beachbody Diamond Coach
I have no idea what this means, if it’s for sports or for personal fulfillment.   But regardless, it sure sounds important.

Spunky dating coach
Not just a dating coach, but a “spunky” one.    I like that.

Der Twitter Coach für effektives twittern
In case any of you Germans need coaching on how to use Twitter. (Apparently).   Very useful career choice, that…

West Virginia University Head Football Coach
No…wait…this one’s an actual Coach!    My apologies…

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41 Comments on “A Twitters’ Guide to Selecting the Right Coach For Yourself (*)”

  1. XUP Says:

    I need an Aging Dimple Coach. Dimples are cute when you’re young. A pain when you grow up because it’s difficult for people to take you seriously. When you really start to get old they just look like big folds in your cheeks. There must be someone out there with the training and experience to show me a better way? Maybe the skin fitness coach knows someone?

  2. Friar Says:

    @XUP
    …or, maybe you can call yourself the “Age Dimple Coach” and corner the market and go into business yourself.

    I suspect that position hasn’t been filled….YET.

  3. Eyeteaguy Says:

    You spend too much time on Twitter.

    Eyeteaguy

  4. Karen JL Says:

    Remember Friar, Twitter is dumb.

  5. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    Just out of curiosity I used Advanced Google and searched for “coach”, minus the words sport, vehicles, and 10 specific sports. I was surprised to find 64,100,000 hits. That’s over 10% of the population of North America.

    These are some of the “coach” sites I found:

    -Vegan Cooking and Nutrition Made Easy and Fun with the Vegan Coach
    -Raw Food Coach
    -Cannabis Coach
    -Cravings Coach
    -Dream Coach
    -Dialect Coach
    -My Thought Coach
    -The Introverted Coach
    -When I Grow up Coach

  6. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    You’re right. I should spend more time blogging.

    @Karen
    Aww…now you had to go RUIN it for me!

    @Friar’s Mom
    Give it another few months. Soon there will be one coach for every person on the planet.

  7. Kyddryn Says:

    Wow…here I was doing it wrong all this time…I thought it was eat more, exercise less! Thanks for setting me straight.

    😀

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  8. Friar Says:

    @Kyddryen

    That’s why I’m a Double-Secret-Probation-Certified-Diet-Wellness-Feel-Good-Food-Management-Success-Coach!

  9. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Karen,

    I agree. Twitter is not only dumb, but also time-consuming, and addictive.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Though, how is being addicted to chatting with your friends on email, any less dumb to chatting with your friends on Twitter or Facebook or Blogoland?

  11. Brett Legree Says:

    How about a “Death Coach”, for all the goth-types out there?

    Re: Friar’s Mom’s take on Twitter – I think the same thing about the telephone, actually.

    Dumb, time-consuming, and addictive.

    Exhibit A – if I want to know where my wife is most times, I just follow the sounds of, “blah blah blah mmm-hmm, oh really, wow, she did what, wow she’s a bitch, blah blah blah”, until I see her sitting there with her symbiote glued to her ear…

    (I’ve suggested a hands-free but she doesn’t want to look “dumb”. As if holding a hunk of plastic to the side of your head for two hours makes you look “cool”.)

    So at my house, if you want to get in touch with *me*, best catch me electronically – yes, even on Twitter – or just get in the car, and come on over.

    (But bring booze.)

  12. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    I e-mail my children often to keep them in the loop. It lets them know I’m alive and well. As you know I’ve had some serious near misses in the past. Right now I’m alone in this basement suite. The owners are gone for a month. If anything happens to me, no one would know.

    I keep in touch with family members (brother, sister, in-laws) and close friends by phone and occasional e-mail. Phoning is good, it’s a two way conversation where I can hear their voice and mood. I’m not a compulsive phonoholic.

    No sense in Twittering, it means they and I would have to be on computer a lot.

  13. Davina Says:

    If being a life coach and following you on Twitter makes a person a spammer, then *raises hand* guilty. I should be on this list.

    Here is my bio: Life Coaching & Editing Services. Where exclamation marks and question marks are more than just punctuation. Period.

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    Computer is still better than phone in my opinion, here’s why:

    Get both parties on Skype. And if you’re too technology-agnostic, get with the times. If you can afford a monthly long-distance plan, you can afford basic high-speed internet (if you have it in your area) and most ISP’s will include a decent laptop with webcam as part of a contract.

    Heck, *wireless* high-speed is only $30 a month in Canada – you take it with you and your laptop.

    Then you get live, two way conversation where you can hear voice and mood, and you can also *see* the other people, if you choose.

    Can I convince some of my family members to do this (especially on Cathy’s side, where they live in South Africa?) – of course not! They’d rather use century-old technology…

    But last night, my mom called us on Skype from an internet cafe in Florida… there is hope!

    🙂

  15. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    …The phone! HAHAHAH!

    (Basically, the old analog version of Twitter!)

    Maybe you can talk with more than 140 characters, but often, the content is just the same old crap.

    @Davina

    No..dont’ worry. You’re not guilty of being on this list. 😉

    There’s a big difference between having a Real Person follow me, because they actually want to talk to me.

    Versus someone following me, because their Twitter-Bots have detected my presence, along with 16,000 others.

    It’s the latter that drive me nuts.

    @Friar’s Mom
    Umm..yes. But the phone allows you unlimited yackety-yack. Which isnt’ always the most efficient and time-saving way to communicate

    @Brett
    I tried to suggest to Friar’s Mom she play Skype with her Grandkids.

    Still isn’t too keen on the idea, though.

  16. Davina Says:

    @Brett.
    I have a sister who still has one of those old rotary wall phones with a party line. No answering machine or anything. I can just see her on Skype; she has to put on makeup just to go to the corner store 🙂

    I still prefer the phone for talking to somebody. I spend enough of my time at the computer. When I talk to someone I’d rather be relaxing on the couch away from the darn thing. I have spoke with a blogger friend in Australia on Skype though and that was pretty cool. Probably the closest I’ll ever get to the land down under.

  17. Brett Legree Says:

    @Davina,

    I suppose it depends on how you have it set up.

    I have one of my computers plugged into a widescreen TV in my basement, and can put a web cam with microphone on top.

    The microphone is sensitive enough that you could sit on the couch 8 feet away and talk normally.

    (Don’t fart. The other person will hear it. Don’t ask me how I know this.)

    The sound is piped through my surround sound home theatre system. If I want to turn on the video, I can – otherwise, it is a big-assed speaker phone.

    I love technology…

  18. Davina Says:

    @Brett… If a faaart… rips through the forest… does anybody hear? 😀 Someone just tweeted “Fart proud”, heh, heh.

    @Friar, speaking of spammers… have you done a post yet on the many different styles of farting? Some are sneaky, some rip, some flutter, some whisper or whistle… you know. Sometimes you tilt a cheek up to let one escape, or blow bubbles in the bathtub, etc. Some you might even be a little proud of. Sigh.

  19. Karen JL Says:

    Don’t get me wrong. I use Twitter. I just think it’s dumb. 😉

    And you can’t compare the phone to Twitter. You don’t blab out your business to hundreds of people at one time on the phone.

    The problem is the people who use Twitter *from* their damn phones! Every. Minute. Of. The. Day. Or. Night.

    I really don’t care that much about your life, dude. Turn if OFF once in a while!

    /end rant (but I could go on…)

  20. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    If I don’t write about farting, I suspect the topic will turn up sooner or later in my comment section, as scatalogical-related subjects always do.

    @Karen

    Yeah, it’d be amusing to make fun of Twitter some more, but it’s just too easy of a target. You almost feel sorry for it.

    Almost.

  21. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Davina,

    You forgot to mention really smelly phartes. When our children were young teens, we were driving our car across Canada, and Seestor let go a silent but deadly one. In an instant, everyone of cried Peeeyooo! and simultaneously reached for the window handle and rolled down all four windows (pre-automatic window buttons).

    Never in my life have I ever smelled one as foul as that one.

  22. Davina Says:

    @Friar’s Mom.
    LOL. Those silent ones are the deadliest. And in a car too… that’s the worst! Though there’d be less hang time with the windows rolled down.

    The best ones are when you’re in bed when you can slowly lift up the sheets in anticipation. 😀 Can’t believe I’m talking to Friar’s mom about farts…

  23. Friar Says:

    Good Lord. Davina and Friar’s Mom are talking about farts.

    It’s official. Now my blog has corrupted EVERYONE.

  24. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Davina,

    Well, you started it after Brett mentioned the sensitivity of his microphone.

    Ours was a once-in-a-lifetime unique experience. We still laugh when that “pungent stench” occasionally comes up in conversation.

    The family that shares together, stays together.

    @ Wee Friar,

    Strange how “Selecting the Right Life Coach For Yourself” turns out to be a full-of-hot-air Blog.

  25. Brett Legree Says:

    Luckily for us, we don’t have “Smell-O-Vision” to share the hot air with our friends in cyberspace…

  26. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom
    As usual, I have no idea where these comment discussions will go…nor do I have control over them.

    @Brett
    Give it time…they’re probably already working on an an i-Phone app for it.

  27. Davina Says:

    Friar’s Mom & Friar.
    Any post on the Deep Friar tends to turn to hot air… even posts about teddy bears and bananas. Even the statement about the sensitivity of Brett’s microphone has merit.

  28. Seestor Says:

    Mom … you HAD to tell the world about that one incident? As long as we’re playing that game, here’s my version …. I had my winter coat tucked around my waist, tightly, so taht no smells would escape. I let out the teeeeeeensiest weeeensiest of a fart and it was as if you all smelled it the instant it left my bum. It was a super-smellic fart that travelled the speed of light. It was awful, but so fun to be the source of displeasure for all in the car.

    😉

  29. Seestor Says:

    P.S. Brother Friar, there IS already an app for farts. The app has a whole list of different farts and each has it’s own sound. You just have to dial it up and let it rip.

  30. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    At least we’re not talking about poop!

    (Oops…I shouldn’t be giving anyone any ideas!)

    @Seestor

    Well, there you go.

    That, ALONE, is reason enough for me to get an i-Phone!

  31. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Seestor,

    I don’t believe it! Out of curiosity, I Googled “Fart App” and came up with 840,000 hits, some on Youtube. I had no idea. I must be living in the dark ages.

    What’s with this adult flatulence obsession. It’s like a group of young kids at summer camp giggling over pharting. Will they ever grow up?

    Whatever. You can learn from Friar’s Blog.


  32. I wanted to reach out to you and your readers to let you know that more resources in regards to personal coaching and change management are available through Jim Manton at MantonAdvisory.com and that Jim would be happy to open a line of discussion with you or any of your readers if interested.

    Please feel free to reach out to us if so.

    Sincerely,
    Jennifer Manton
    VP of Marketing and PR
    Manton Advisory Services

  33. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Hahahahahahahah!
    Now you blog really has gone to the dogs.
    Serves you right with a blog title like that.

    We all need lifecoaches like we need another drug addiction.

    Too funny.

    Eyelifecoachguy

  34. Friar Says:

    @Jennifer

    Um…Thanks ???

    But did you even read this post?

    @Eyeteaguy

    HAHAHAH!

    Ain’t it the truth?

    That made my day!!!

  35. Karen JL Says:

    Oh my goodness.

    I don’t think I can ever come back here after that one.

    It’s all….tainted and shit.

  36. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    Aww…c’mon. It’ll be okay…I promise.

    There’ll be more scary spammer-Coaches,or anything. It’s safe to come out now.

    (*holds out a peanut*)

  37. Davina Says:

    Woooooo… here comes another life coach**. Run! Run while you cannnnnnnnn….

    **The views expressed here are not necessarily… mine!

    Hi EyePissedMeOffGuy. 😀

  38. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Davina,

    Now what did I do to piss you off?

    Pissing Friar off I can see, its easy… and my job.

    Eyecuriousguy

  39. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Oh, I ain’t touching THAT one with a ten-foot pole.

    I’ll leave it for you and Davina to discuss amongst yourselves! 🙂

  40. Davina Says:

    @Eyeteaguy…
    Tisk. I is a Life Coach. And you SAAAID… “We all need life coaches like we need another drug addiction.”

    Now come on. We all know that a person doesn’t “need” a life coach OR “need” a drug addiction. They CHOOSE. 😀

  41. Eyeteaguy Says:

    @Davina,

    Spoken like a Life Coach.

    Cheque please! Waiter?!

    Eyesheeshgy


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