Friar’s Predictions for the Olympic Closing Ceremonies

There will be the mandatory fiddle-music playing, with colorful characters from Canada’s Voyageur past.  They will dance in exaggerated movements, and will be having a much better time of it than the audience will.

There will also be the mandatory wailing and drum music to recognize the First Nations.

Young children will clumsily dance around some extravagant diorama, to show us that the Youth is our Future.     The people who thinks this is cute will mainly be the children’s parents and grandparents.

Somewhere, there’s  going to be in Inukshuk.   You gotta have the Inukshuk.

Sadly, Red Green will not make an appearance.

Even better, part of the show will involve just one child doing something pensive and dramatic (perhaps extinguishing the torch).

Someone will fly over the stage, suspended by wires.   It will be very magical.

A Canadian singer will sing a touching song, and tens of thousands of people will hold their arms up into the air and sway with the music, brandishing the Glow-sticks they’ll have purchased.

People like me will go into a diabetic coma as our pancreas explode.

While all this is happening,  the cameras will randomly zoom in members of the audience, but only those who are absolutely enthralled by this whole pageant.

The whole thing will be very multicultural.

Some 75-year old IOC Member nobody recognizes will give a boiler-plate speech about athletic excellence, and the Hope of All Mankind.   Part of the speech will be in French, so as not to offend people in Quebec.

The Jumbotron will show the people of Sochi, who will be hosting the 2014 Winter Olympics.   (Isn’t modern technology wonderful?)

The cost of this whole spectacle would have paid for 20 hospitals and 12 MRI machines.

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19 Comments on “Friar’s Predictions for the Olympic Closing Ceremonies”

  1. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I hate when you are right.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. Firsties!! Again!!

  2. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Must a slow Sunday afternoon for you…to be able to pounce on my blog so quickly!

  3. Karen JL Says:

    I hope Celine *and* the Cirque du Soleil perform tonight.

    That would be AWESOME.

    (Just to see your head explode.)

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    “The cost of this whole spectacle would have paid for 20 hospitals and 12 MRI machines.”

    …and the taxpayers will be stuck with the bill.

    As usual.

  5. dave1949 Says:

    Of course you are forgetting the very most important thing of all. This 20 hospital 12 mri spectacle has allowed our revered leader to show up anywhere they thought a Canadian team might win s he can splash his oh so warm and friendly mug all over the country.
    I’d even be willing to bet he might show up at the hockey game today.

  6. Brett Legree Says:

    @dave1949,

    And with a little luck, an errant hockey puck might wipe that smug grin off our revered leader’s face.

  7. Friar Says:

    @Karen

    ARGHH!

    Don’t even JOKE about things like that…that’s NOT FUNNY!!!

    Céline and the Cirque….(*Shudder*) 😦 😦 😦

    @Brett

    Well, we can’t have your grandkids earning TOO much money, can we? They’ll have to pay taxes for something!

    @Dave

    And he’ll probably have paid thousands of $$$ for those hockey tickets out of his own pocket…right?

    @Brett

    …or maybe it might hit Céline?

  8. Brett Legree Says:

    I’d have more confidence in our government if Céline were the Prime Minister.

    At least she’s good at something.

  9. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Not another Prime Minister from Quebec…!

    I’d prefer to give someone else a shot… like Red Green.

  10. Deb Says:

    You forgot the mime.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Deb

    Argh.

    Oh, yeah.

    And wasn’t he GREAT?!? 😉

  12. XUP Says:

    I didn’t watch, so I’ll just assume everything you said was correct. I did hear that there was really no point in having the entire Olympics since the only thing that really mattered was Sydney Crosby

  13. Deb Says:

    @Friar: I’m still trying to figure the whole thing out. The bit right after the mime with the people dancing (?) with snowboards was a mess, and the very end of the ceremony looked like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade gone very, very wrong.

  14. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Well, suffice to say, I think I was reasonably accurate here. I’d say I was batting ~ 0.700.

    @Deb

    I was a bit disappointed. I was kinda hoping for giant inflatable gorillas somehwere in the show.

    But I must admit, the giant inflatable moose and giant inflatable beavers proved to be an adequate substitute.

  15. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    I was disappointed with the long-winded speeches in both official language.

    And what was with the last part of the closing “Ceremony”? A loud Rock Concert????? Sheesh!!! And our Canadian taxpayers’ money funded all that? I would have forgiven VANOC if the musical selections reflected Canadian Content.

    Where were Gordon Lightfoot, Ashley MacIsaac (fiddler from Cape Breton), Stompin Tom, and the Arrogant Worms with Rocks and Trees????

  16. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    I know…the pompous blowhard just went on and on with his boring speech….like he was the most important person in the whole event.

    Wish someone would have shouted out to just “SHUT UP already and get off the stage. Nobody wants to hear you talk!”

    As for the music, you’re showing your age. That’s all “old fart” music.

    (Which I kinda like…which means I’m an Old Fart too!)

    Speaking of Old Farts…at least they did have Neil Young sing…so the evening wasn’t a total loss.

  17. Davina Says:

    Friar, I was embarrassed by 99% of the Closing Ceremonies; especially the inflatable creatures. What a contrast to go from real, accomplished athletes, to blow-up, floating devices… devices that weren’t even floating, but held up by wires.

    Even a pinata would have been better; but what could we have filled it with? Loonies? ppft 🙂

    I dunno… the whole thing seemed like a mixture of a boring high school graduation and an episode of America’s Got Talent.

    @Friar’s Mom.
    Too funny. I almost posted a link to an Arrogant Worms music video on Twitter yesterday.

  18. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    At least Neil Young’s “Long May You Run” lyrics were relevant.

    We’ve been through
    some things together
    With trunks of memories
    still to come
    We found things to do
    in stormy weather
    Long may you run . . .

    I couldn’t understand the lyrics of the closing Rap group. Have never heard of them before. Can’t remember their name. I’m Rap-challenged. Yes, I admit it. I’m dating myself.

  19. Friar Says:

    @Davina

    Yeah…I still don’t know what to think of the Macy’s Parade, as Deb puts it.

    And those “Comedy” routines by William Shatner and Catherine O’Hara. Where people laughed “politely” but it wasn’t really all that funny.

    When we sang our anthem, it was a bunch of stupid teenagers in white suits trying to be “cool”. (Oooh, look, Canada is so laid back!)

    Compare this to the Russian Anthem…with a professional singers, Geezus, it almost scared the crap out of me! But at least there was some decorum to it.

    @Friar’s Mom

    Nickelback was the most “Modern” group I recognized, and they’ve been around for almost 15 years.

    Who the hell were these other bozos?

    Too bad they didn’t have Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings sing “Share the Land” or something.


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