Don’t Forget to Leave a Tip.

5 years ago, if people had problems with their career, finances, relationships, etc, they consulted friends and role models.   And/or they just DEALT with it.

But long gone are those dreadful days.  Thanks to Twitter and BlogoLand, we have access to all kinds of advice and tips, covering just about every aspect of life.  And them some.

Everybody and his dog is an expert…if you only know who to ask.

God BLESS Twitter.  And God BLESS all those sages and oracles, and Social Media gurus who know better than the rest of us.  Without them, we’d all be LOST.

Of course, there’s a lot of information out there.  But as a self-appointed Double-Secret Probation Level III Twitter Consultant, I’ve taken it upon myself to narrow it down some of the tips for you.

(You know…in case your life is screwed, and you don’t know how to ask for help on your own…)

And, as always, I didn’t make these up.

This is how these Tweets appeared on Twitter.  Grammar mistakes and all.

******************************************************

Tips on Perpetuating Social Media Douchebaggery

– 25 tips to create an eStrategy
– 14 tips for Twitter contests that build followers and brand visibility
– How to Teach a Social Media 101 Class: 25 Tips to get your participants begging 4 more!
– 20 Tips to Build Your Brand on Twitter
– 13 Tips for Getting More ReTweets
– 12 Tips to Start Using Twitter as a Marketing Tool
– 10 Tips for SEO Competitive Intelligence Analysis
– 12 Tips on Live Blogging & Content Marketing at SXSWi
– 10 Tips on Live Blogging & Content Marketing at SXSWi (Isn’t this almost like the one just above?)
– 9 Tips to stop being a jerk on Twitter
– 5 Tips to stop being a jerk on Twitter  (Isn’t this almost like the one just above?)

– 4 Tips for Measuring Social Media: It’s Not All About The Numbers
– 9 Tips to build your reputation on Twitter like Guy Kawasaki  (Am I supposed to know who Guy Kawaski is?)
– Email Marketing Tips – 3 Tips That You Must Know If You Don’t Want to Get Into Hot Soup  (No soup for YOU!)

a
Tips Proving that Hippies are still alive and doing well

– 10 tips to shift the energy of your home that nurtures health, improves wealth and encourages love. (Is this about reducing my fuel bill, or optimizing my Feng-Shui?)
– The Mini-Retreat Solution, lots of great tips on how to relax and refresh quickly
– 25 Tips to Make Your Apartment an Eco Friendly Paradise
– 68 Playful Ways to Unleash your Creativity (What’s creative, is coming up with a list of sixty-eight things)
– 2 Tips To Unblock Your Energy For Increased Clarity And Creativity
– UnLeash Your Psychic Ability.: Written By A Psychic Medium (If this Medium is so good, why are they advertising on Twitter instead of predicting winning lottery numbers?)
– New post: Unleash Your Inner Psychic!
– The Mini-Retreat Solution, lots of great tips on how to relax and refresh quickly
– Unleash your inner Leprachaun!  (I have no idea what’s involved here, but I’m sure it involves lots of weed…)

a

You’re Ugly and Fat:  DO something about it:

– 10 Tips for a Slimmer Body:
– Attention ladies! 13 tips for sexy legs
– 101 tips to lose weight quickly
– 5 Simple Tips To Lose Weight
– 5 Tips To Lose Weight While You Sit At Your Desk All Day  (Are these 5 tips different from the 5 tips above?)
– 7 Diet Tips to Lose Weight
– 4 Tips
to Remember When Buying Abdominal Fitness Gadget
– 4 Tips to Lose Weight Effectively: Exercise Daily exercise is very important for your weight loss. (Exercise? Noooo….shit?!)
– How to Lose 10 Pounds – Tips to Lose Weight in Under 10 Days
– Five Great Tips to Lose Weight Naturally  (You’d think by now they’d have assembled all the weigh-loss tips into ONE master list.)
– A Simple Way to Tone Your Abs
– 3 Surefire Tips to Achieve Smooth Velvety Skin
– 7 Expert Tips To Achieve A Young And Tight Skin In The Next 10 Minutes
– 11 Tips For Wonderful Skin in Dry Winter Weather  (God Forbid should your skin not be moist…)
– Take Advantage of these Tips to Lose Weight Fast
– How to Tone Abs Quickly – 5 Tips– 7 Great Tips To Lose Weight Without Quickly Putting It Back On
– Style expert offers 1000 tips for looking thinner  (A THOUSAND?  Wow!!!  That’s gotta be the most bang for the buck!)

a

Don’t Worry, Be Happy.

– Happiness – Simple Tips to Achieve It Easily!
– New Blog post–HOW TO ACHIEVE HAPPINESS
– New Educational Video: How to Be Happy Again
– How to be happy without having it all. Playful spirit a must!  (Go ahead.  Be broke.  Just as long as you have fun doing it…)
– How to Be Happy and Single
– How To Be Happy: A Pessimists Guide To Happiness (Naah…it’ll never work.)
– Habit Guide: How to be Happy and Healthy
– The ancient philosophers had it right! 4 tips on how to be happy, thanks to Plato:  (Didn’t he, like die 2500 years ago?)
– Great lessons on how to be happy and productive in your work
– Insightful talk by Srikumar Rao about how to be happy (TED Talk):
– Pursuit of happiness – Some important tips to achieve happiness.  (Why am I suddenly under the impression that everyone is happy except ME?)
– Purpose of Life & Happiness – 10 Tips On How to Achieve Them
– Looking to be HAPPY? Aren’t we all! Check out the “12 News Today Happiness Project” and learn how to achieve that goal!
– Tips to Achieve Happiness and Fulfillment in Your Life
– “Tips to Achieve Happiness and Fulfillment in Your Life and Work (This is even BETTER than the one above)

Aa
Listen to these “Experts”.  They’ll teach you to be a better human being than miserable S.O.B. that you presently are:

7 Tips to Overcome Procrastination
2 Tips on Finding Your Passion
– How to fulfill your dreams in life!
– 11 Tips For Boosting Your Sense Of Quiet Focus (I love how the numbers or so specific (eleven) for such an abstract concept)
– 15 Tips to Stay Positive
– Top tips to achieve continual growth  (I wonder if they mean getting taller, or growing spiritually?)
– Enjoy life. Be happy. Fulfill your dreams.
– Positive Thinking Power 10 Effective Tips To Obtain It
– 1 Tip to Change Your Life (Like, wow.  Whatever tip that is…it’s gotta be a doozy!)
– 4 Tips to Stop You Wasting Time With Online Hypnosis Courses
– Self-Deception & Leadership Results–3 tips for giving yourself a clear picture of reality
– 7 steps to avoid procrastination (again, with the procrastination thing)
– Simple Tips to achieve your New Year’s Resolutions!
– 7 tips from the gorgeous Adriana Curcio on DPS.  (Dunno who Adriana is, or what DPS is…but as long as she’s hot…)
– Fulfill your dreams with reasonable price – (sounds perfectly reasonable to me!)

a

Tips from Snake-Oil Salesmen  (Who needs a day-job anyway?)

– Simple software tool makes it easy to earn money with Twitter
– Hello , You Earn Money in Seconds (I take it English is not your first language?)
– How to make money with Twitter for FREE
– Became an influencer on MyLikes. Earn money on MyLikes (Is this like MySpace, but different?)
– $$$$ This is currently the best method to earn money for free!!!!
– Get Paid To Drive Your Car, wear T-shirts, and more! Earn money effortlessly.
– Infinity Downline, WILL Make You Insane Amounts Of Money (Insane amounts…? Count me IN! )
– Discover How To Make Money From Home With Vinyl Lettering.
– Why not make some money as you converse with your network (Exactly..why NOT?)
– I Checked Out This Free Email Mini Course. I’m Now Starting To Earn Money On The Internet
– Make Money With A Water Garden
– Learn How To Quit Your Full Time Job, Earn Money While You Sleep By Becoming An Expert In Domains
– Knitting For Profit.: An Exciting New Book That Shows Step-by-step How To Make Money From Knitting Or Crochet. (Grandmas of the world…UNITE!)
– Make Money Online With Twitter Free Traffic
– Make Tons Of Money On The Internet With SeoRevenge.: How I Got Ranked Top Position At Google, Yahoo And Others
– STOP MAKING HOLLYWOOD RICH FROM YOUR HARD EARN MONEY!!!!  (I like this last one the best.)

A

Tips for things that never occured to me NEEDED Tips.

– 3 Tips To Naturally Grow Taller   (Would be interesting to know how you’d  achieve this, if you’re already an adult.)
– 11 Tips to Making the Best Pork Ribs –  (Not 5 tips.  Not 10.  But ELEVEN.)
– 10 tips to make your dishwasher run better
– National Wildlife Week: March 15-12 — tips for developing a child’s green thumb
– 11 Tips for Triathlon Success From a Navy SEAL  (What?  How to fracture your opponent’s larynx in 2 steps? )
– 6 tips for successful volunteer management
– Top 5 Tips for Stopping Underarm Sweating
– Easy Tips on How to Build Your Own Chicken Coop  (Now, there’s advice you don’t see every day!)
– Free eBook – 13 Tips for Better Wildflower Photography  (Again, not 5 tips.  Not 10.  But THIRTEEN.)
– Are you a shopaholic? Dr. San Diego presents 6 tips to control your spending
– How to Attract Beautiful Women – 4 Tips to Really Make Her Want YOU!
– 4 Tips for Eating Healthy Mexican Food (¡Ay Taco Bell!)

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Tips showing that We, as a society,  have way, WAY too much free time our hands.

– Smudged Your Nails Again? 8 Tips to Help From it Happening Again!  (Oh dear!)
– 7 Tips to Transform Your Pug and Get Her to Listen to Your Command (Does this apply for other dogs, or just pugs?)
– Tips on How to Prepare For Landscape Design Education
– Tips On How To Organize Your Children’s Art & Toys And Create The Playroom Of Your Dreams (Junior, will you put your God-damned toys away, or I swear, I’ll give them to Good-Will!)
– Tips On How To Care For Roller Shades
– 15 Tips That Will Make Cut Flowers Last Longer (I never realized caring for cut flowers was so complicated.)
– 2 Tips In Giving Her Deep And Explosive Woman Orgasms   (This would actually be useful, if I though this wasn’t bogus.)
– Nail Care System – 12 Tips
– How To Tell If A Guy Is Gay- 2 Tips To Tell If He Is A Gay!  (No, I did NOT make this one up!)
– Updated my blog with Personal Goal Setting Techniques: 3 Simple Tips To Achieve Your Goals In No Time Flat
– Purchasing Golf Tournament Gifts – 2 Tips To Choose The Best One ( THANK GOD someone finally cleared this one up!)
– 6 Tips For Choosing A Healthy And Safe Dog Food  (Meanwhile, the people in Haiti starve…)


If you really, HONESTLY need these  things explained to you, then maybe you should consider taking yourself out of the Gene Pool…

– Outdoor Cooking Equipment, 20 Tips: Getting Things Right For The Coming Bbq Season
– Latest Article Post About: Tips to Buy a Table Lamp  (Seriously…you need HELP…with THIS?)
– Water is vital for health –4 Tips to help you drink more water  (Um…fill the glass, Dumb-Ass, and SWALLOW!)
– Seasonal Mindfulness: 6 Tips to Experience the Changing Weather
– 13 Tips for Staying Motivated in Photography (Not actual photography tips, which would have been useful.  But just how to stay “motivated”!)
– Are you a shopaholic? Dr. San Diego presents 6 tips to control your spending-
– All About Hawaii – 3 Tips to Having A Relaxing Holiday  (Tell you what..send me to Hawaii…I’ll have no problems relaxing.)
– Top 3 Tips Getting Your Job Done at the Workplace
– Daylight savings time is tomorrow – Here are 8 tips from @webmd on how to prepare!  (Good LORD…!)

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26 Comments on “Don’t Forget to Leave a Tip.”

  1. Eyeteaguy Says:

    1 Tip to free up 5 minutes of your time – Stop reading Deep Friar.

    Eyeteaguy

    P.S. Firsties. And I have 5 minutes to spare.

  2. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    5 minutes? You normally spend THAT much time?

    Gosh, that’s more than I expected.

  3. eyeteaguy Says:

    I was being generous and rounded up.

    And its not like you wrote this post. Hell, anyone can cut and paste.

  4. Brett Legree Says:

    “How To Tell If A Guy Is Gay- 2 Tips To Tell If He Is A Gay!”

    1. He likes guys.
    2. He likes guys.

  5. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    And here I was, about to make a snarky comment, something along the lines that at least I posted SOMETHING…

    But I see you’ve just posted something of your own…

    You probably did that, just to steal my thunder. Geez. Thanks.

  6. eyeteaguy Says:

    I posted something? Crap I’d better go check in case its any good.

    Eyesleeppostingguy

  7. Friar Says:

    @Brett
    Yes, but you need to realize, that some Twitterers ain’t too bright, and they need these things explained to them.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Sheesh. With your posts are so few and far between, you’d think individual ones would stand out for you.

  8. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I don’t post everything I write. XUP would call down an army of shrinks upon me if I did.

    I am sick and twisted and like it that way.

    Eyewarpedguy

  9. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Well…she WORRIES about you. (Unlike me and Brett…)

  10. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Eyefirstie Guy,

    I could have been firstie, but I’ve been there, done that.

    @Wee Friar,

    Just for fun, I Googled “Tips, how to be happy” and up popped 297,000 websites. Trying to find happiness is quite depressing.

    Hard to believe what our modern world is coming too. What happened to the good old days, when neighbours would drop by for an impromptu coffee and chat? It certainly brightened up my mom’s day.

  11. Eyeteaguy Says:

    *snicker* Friar’s Mom p’owned pwned me.

    And if you want to be happy? Read my latest blog.

    Eyehappyguy

  12. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Eyehappyguy,

    Out of curiosity I may check out your blog, just to see what a young’un has to offer.

    Despite the numerous setbacks I’ve had to deal with during the past few years, I’m truly happy and a peace with myself. For one thing I’m alive and still have my wits about me. The view outside my three large windows is that of beautiful snow-covered mountains. I’m retired. I’m skiing. I’m independent. I’m surrounded by a loving family and numerous friends. I have an active social life.

    I’m presently riding a Happy Wave and relishing every moment. It’s today that’s important.

  13. Karen JL Says:

    You spend WAY too much time on Twitter dude. Turn it off!

    And there is really only ONE sure fire way to find out if a guy is gay. But I can’t say it here. Friar’s Mom is watching. 😉

  14. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Well, Eyeteaguy was first. Fair and square. Don’t take that away from him.

    He has little enough as it is.

    @Eyeteaguy
    Heh! I think that’s the first time anyone’s said they were p’owned by my Mom! 😉 ne.

    @Friar’s Mom
    Umm…it’s easy to be happy when you no longer have to work full time, and you’re out in a ski hill in BC every day.

    The true test of your happiness philosophy would be to see if you’d feel the same way, if you had a shitty job, and had to spend the winter in boring old Ontario.

    @Karen
    Dont’ worry. The only reason I spent so much time writing this post, is that I’m still under the weather from this chest/throat infection, and it was miserable and raining out this afternoon. And I didnt’ feel like driving 45 minutes to see the cheezy mall just to see the Wallmart and Staples store.

    If the weather was anywhere half-decent, believe me, I’d be doing better things with my life.

  15. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Karen,

    I may be watching, but ours was a home where Friar, siblings, and friends tried to shock me with their conversation. I learned their lingo, like camel toe.

    Just out of curiosity, I Googled “Find out if guy is gay” and guess what? Up came 60,200,000 hits.

    Sheesh! Why the need for so many entries? What if your “sure fire” answer is entry 40,000,000? At 1,440 minutes per day, it would take years to search for the answer.

  16. Kate Says:

    Friar’s mom is 70 ish and still skiing!!! That’s awesome.

    My eyes glazed over from reading through those lists. Unbelievable, and yet before the internet and twitter that was the stuff the tabloids and gossip mags were made of. We’re in a sorry state, us humans.

  17. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Kate,

    At this ski resort, I’m one of the younger Seniors. I know two ski instructors who are in their early 70s. What is truly awesome are the male skiers in their 80s. They invest in good ski equipment and wear the latest in ski clothing. Most ski 3 times a week and stay away on weekends. One guy turned 89 last month.

  18. Seestor Says:

    Brother,

    How much time did YOU spend on this?

    ugh.

    seestor

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    You could probably assemble a list like this using the built-in search features of Twitter in about 5 minutes, actually.

  20. Friar Says:

    @Kate
    The average age at the ski hill is about 178. Not counting ski instructors, it’s mainly the rich retired Olde Phartes who can afford to ski during the week.

    At age 45, I was one of the young ‘uns on the hill!

    @Seestor

    TOO much time…!

    Like I said, I wasn’t feeling great and it was shitty weather outside. Normally, I’d have better things to do.

    @Brett

    Easy to search for this crap on Twitter. Sorting it according my own categories (which I was in the process of making up as I went along) took longer.

  21. Friar Says:

    …though my last Viking post (which took several hours to do) got SEVEN comments.

    And this stupid Twitter List? ….Already 20 comments, so far.

    Go figure (???). I never can guess what people want to talk about, on any given day.

  22. Brett Legree Says:

    Exactly!

    (I was just trying to point out that you don’t spend *all* of your time on Twitter. You actually had to put some thought into writing this…)

  23. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    It’s not just the rich retired Olde Phartes who ski during the week. We also have many tourists from NA and abroad.

    One doesn’t have to be a rich Olde Pharte. These seniors purchase an Early Bird Season Pass for under $400. Most of them brown bag their lunch. Skiing gives them a goal in the morning–exercising, and socializing in the fresh air, thereby saving the government money on Health Care–both mental and physical. So don’t knock us, you’ll be there in one score years.

  24. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom.

    If I ever acheive the retirement lifestyle you and Dad have, I’ll be thrilled. But it’s unlikely to happen.

    Your generation is too young to have fought in the war, but old enough to benefit from prosperity of the post-war baby-boom.

    There were jobs for life. No one never had to be worried about being laid off. You got to exempt the taxes on the first $100K in capital gains you made. And back then, someone with a factory worker’s salary could still afford a decent house.

    As for me, I’m looking at “Freedom 85”, with a can of dogfood a day, in a trailer park.

    This is why I’m enjoying my skiing now…while I still can.

  25. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Don’t get me wrong…I’m not ungrateful for my Christmas gifts and you treating to me things, and such…But this is speaking from an objective point of view:

    It’s great that retired people can ski all they want, 7 days a week, all year…for $400.

    But I bet you the younger skiers (who work full-time and might be lucky to get out 10-15 times a year) would also like to pay $400 for a pass.

    But unfortunately, because they were unlucky enough to be born after 1945, they get to pay $1100. So others can pay LESS.

    Maybe it would be fair if everyone paid the same. And there was a compromise…..everyone got to ski for say….$700.

    Sounds fair to me.

    What do your senior friends think? 😉


  26. Thanks for give this informative post here, I like it and will share with friends as well.


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