If Ski Resorts Were Run Like Your Typical Workplace

The ticket office would be located at the top of the hill, 500 vertical feet above the parking lot.

Nobody would be allowed on the ski lifts until they attended a “Pre-Ski Briefing” each morning.

The number of runs down the hill would be dictated by a Ski Permit, to be signed and authorized by the Ski Patrol, the Lift Supervisor and the Resort Manager.

Unfortunately, the Resort Manager would be in a 4-hour meeting discussing the color of the table-cloths in the restaurant.     So nobody would be allowed on the slopes until he got back.

By the time the Resort Manager got back, then it would be time for the Ski Patroller’s break,  so everyone would have to wait for yet another 35 minutes.

There would be signs posted every 20 feet, reminding everyone to be aware of the dangers of “Slipping and Falling” on the ice and snow.

Any time you fell down, or saw someone else do it, you would have to fill out a BPF (Butt-Plant Form).

Most chairlifts would only be 4 feet off the ground, to minimize the potential risk of falling from height.    Anyone using it to would need to be trained in Fall Protection.  They would have to wear a safety harness which must be clipped to an anchor point approved by a Certified Structural Engineer.

This would have to be done every time someone got on and off the chairlift.  As a result, you’d be lucky to get to the top of the hill by quitting time.

Taking this into account, Management would increase the Ski Permit quota from 10 runs per day to 27.    If these “Expectations” were not met, it would be considered “Unacceptable”.

80% of the trails would be bare, though, because Management would insist on the ski resort opening on April 1st.

A Consultant would be hired for $100,000.  It would take him 4 months to recommend that the hill be opened in December instead.

The Consultant’s advice would be ignored.

On the bright side, however, $2,000,000 would be budgeted to conduct an “Optioneering Study” to determine why all the neighboring ski resorts are doing so much better.

The “Optioneering Study” would end up being 300% over budget, and would conclude that the hill be opened even later, on July 1st.

The resort would continue to bleed money, and would ask the government to bail them out.

The grant money would be spent on a state-of-the-art office building and swimming pool, for another Optioneering Study.

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14 Comments on “If Ski Resorts Were Run Like Your Typical Workplace”

  1. Hi Friar,

    After reading this, I’m thinking I need to study to become a ski hill consultant. With a wage like that, I could close up shop, stop blogging and spend my day at the ski slope – analyzing and drinking hot chocolate.

    What a life…..

  2. Karen JL Says:

    OK, that was a pretty good one. 🙂

    And probably scarily accurate…

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    You forgot one other thing.

    The Government, after decades of bailouts using taxpayer money, would come to the realization that the ski hill *could* actually be run at a profit – and then they would sell it for pennies on the dollar to a foreign investor, who would turn it around in half a season.

    And raise the prices so much that the locals could never, ever afford to ski there – but it wouldn’t matter, because rich foreigners would pack the hills.

    This would also drive up real estate prices in the area so that the locals couldn’t even afford to eat.

    Either that, or following the fire sale, the foreign company would pack everything up and move it to Asia, leaving a big legacy for the taxpayers, and a ghost town.

  4. Friar Says:

    The trick would be getting into the “Old Boy’s Club”. Where friends hire each other.

    Once you get into the Old Boy’s Club, you’re set for life.

    My original title was “If ski resorts were run like large corporations”…until I realized that ski resorts ARE large corporations.

    Truth is stranger than fiction…just this week…


  5. eyeteaguy Says:

    That link freaked me out. I love that its own rules prevented it from trying hard. Kinda like the civil service. Why work? We’ll get paid anyway.


  6. Davina Says:

    Plus, you’d have to pay for your own Klister and Klister your manager’s skis while they’re discussing the colour of the tablecloths.

  7. Brett Legree Says:

    About the civil service.

    If you’re below a certain level i.e. below a 6-figure income, you do all of the work, when things go wrong, you get all of the shit, and when budgets are cut, you bear the brunt of the layoffs.

    If you’re above that level, you do none of the work, when things go wrong, you get promoted even higher and get a salary increase, and if you should be made redundant due to budget cuts, you get a half million dollar payout and your full pension.

    Welcome to the “civil” service.

    And if you don’t believe me, look at (Canadian Federal Government) of your choice from any era.

    They promise the world, they fuck it up, and they still get paid. Sometimes they get re-elected. They never get fired. There are never clawbacks. There is no public accountability.

    They watch us to make sure we’re doing what we’re supposed to do, but who is watching them?

  8. Friar's Mom Says:


    I have heard the employees called the “Silly Servants”.

  9. Brett Legree Says:

    @Friar’s Mom,

    Yep, that’s about right 🙂

  10. Friar Says:


    Especially if there’s a performance review structure where everyone pretty much gets the same pay raise, regardless if they do an “adequate” job, or if they walk on water.

    I shudder to think of what Management would want us to do with our Klister Wax.

    Once you’re in the Old Boys Club, you can do no wrong.

    Like you said, even if you did get fired, you’d get a $500,000 severance. More than many people’s lifetime pension investments.

    And those Old Boys aren’t out of work for very long. Their buddies find them another gold-plated job within a few months anyway.

    @Friar’s Mom
    You used to work for them. Is that the worst name you’ve ever heard?

  11. Friar's Mom Says:

    @ Wee Friar,

    It has been 10 years since I worked for them, and I presently suffer from KRAFT disease.

    For those interested just Google “derogatory words government”.

  12. XUP Says:

    Well, it doesn’t take The Amazing Kreskin to see that you’d rather be back on the slopes than working with the dopes. Isn’t it interesting how it seems to take longer and longer to recover from vacations these days?

  13. Friar Says:

    That’s because we live those 1-2 weeks vacation ten times harder than we live the humdrum average work-week.

  14. Don’t jest, it could get like that.

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