Single People Versus Breeding-Couples

Oooh,  I could never go to a movie alone.
Single Person:
Um.   As opposed to the alternative of not going to a movie…EVER?

Oooh.  I could never go to a restaurant alone and just sit and eat there.
Single Person:
Oh, for crying out loud.  Just bring a book or read the paper.   And get OVER yourself.

Oooh, I could never drive by myself for 3 hours.  It would drive me crazy, being alone so long.
Singe Person:
I once drove to Alaska and back.

Children are the most Important thing in the World.  If you had them, you’d understand.
Single Person:
I dunno.  I’m kind of partial to having freedom, sleeping in, and not having to drive a mini-van.

Children teach you to be a better person.  If you didn’t have children, what would be the point of life, then?
Single Person:
Thanks for pointing out that I’m selfish and my life is meaningless.  I better go have some kids of my own, so I can learn to be more sensitive like you.

Children are our future.  They’ll be paying for your pension when you’re old.
Single Person :
Yeah, so what?   We are the present.  We’re paying for their schooling and health care right now.   It’s a team effort.

There’s some extra fish, if you like. Little Tiffany’s hardly touched hers.
Single Person:
No thanks.  Can I have yours instead?   But not until you’ve put it in your mouth and spat it out on your plate.

Little Justin is just over-tired…it’s been a rough day for him.
Single Person:
Little Justin is just being a little shit.    He needs a serious Time-Out, and then some.

Boss, can I take a year off to have another baby?  It’s important to me.
Single Person:
Boss, can I take six months off to back-pack around Europe?  It’s important to me.  (What…no?)  Howcum?

Oh, that (insert spouse here)!   They just NEVER help out with the housework!
Single Person:
Nobody helps me with my housework.

Boo hoo!  My (insert spouse here) is traveling on business.   The house is so quiet. I’m lonely.
Single Person:
Welcome to my world.

Boo hoo.  My (insert spouse here) is traveling on business.  I haven’t had sex in over a week
Single Person:
Pshaw!  A week? AMATEUR!  You don’t want to know how long it’s been for me.   In fact, I hold the State Record.

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23 Comments on “Single People Versus Breeding-Couples”

  1. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I can’t wait to see what Gracious has to say. It will be worth the price of admission.


  2. Friar Says:


    Let me guess:

    “You are a negative SOB”.

    If I even decide to allow his/hers/its comment, that is.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    Good post – I just had to leave this comment though…

    “Single Person:
    I dunno. I’m kind of partial to having freedom, sleeping in, and not having to drive a mini-van.”

    I have plenty of freedom, I have better things to do with my life than sleep, and even with four children, I do not drive a mini-van, nor will I ever.


  4. Friar Says:


    The day you buy a mini-van, is the day I disown you. 😉

  5. Steph Says:

    As one half of a non-breeding couple, I sort of fit in here with the single, but then don’t. I think I have the best of both worlds.

  6. Steph Says:

    Brett: You have plenty of freedom?

    You must tell the world how, because you’re the first parent ever!! At least, from what I hear…

  7. I’m one half of a breeding couple whose husband goes away on deployment for months at a time. I’ve heard all the breeding couple excuses from civilians. I may write my own post on this. I’ll re-route people back to here.

  8. Brett Legree Says:


    Heh heh heh I knew you’d say that.


    In my experience, the typical person (not saying *you* or Friar, just 90 percent of the people I know) – breeding or otherwise – starts the day like this:

    1. Alarm goes off.
    2. Rush rush rush to get ready for work.
    3. Arrive at work (on time hopefully).
    4. Work – for someone else.
    5. Come home, eat supper, do chores, then attempt to do all of the “freedom” stuff before bed, fail miserably, give up and just watch reality TV.

    Now, here’s the flaw as I see it – people who operate like this have just given *the best* part of themselves to someone else, and then are too tired to enjoy the “freedom” they have.

    So my freedom comes from my choice of what to do with my time.

    I was up at 04:00 today, working on my own “freedom” projects, so to speak.

    My house didn’t wake up until 07:00. I find it much easier to spend the end of my day, when I’m tired and my brain is spent, relaxing with my family – that’s an important time too, but it’s the perfect way for me to unplug, rather than vegetating with TV or whatever.

    I’ve already given the best part of myself to *me* and *my* important projects, long before the average “free” non-breeder is even aware that there is a morning.

    So in a perverse sense, my large family has given me more freedom – freedom to choose, freedom to decide what is truly important to me – than I ever had before, when I was childless, and single.

    I remember how often when I had no kids that I would say “I’m really busy”. But you know, I was really just farting around, doing a bunch of stuff that didn’t matter until I got around to doing something that did matter.

    It’s kind of like a subset of Parkinson’s Law – work (or activities) will expand to fill the time available.

    If you don’t have kids or you’re single, you might spend hours and hours and hours doing something that might only take me 15 minutes.

    That’s okay – that’s just the way it is. I know this to be true because I’ve been on both sides.

    So yes, believe it or not, I have plenty of freedom – because I choose what is important, and only do that.

  9. Friar Says:

    You’re half a couple, but not a Breeding Couple. Because you haven’t bred yet.

    Though you have a dog…which is good practice in caring for someone else….if you want to later raise young humans. 🙂

    @Canadian Army Wife
    Military Breeding Couples are another class by themselves…they have to put up with other stresses that the average Breeding Couples never have to worry about.

    I’d be interested in seeing what you have to say when you write that post.

    Ah…so THAT’s your secret….you don’t sleep!

    But a lot of people can’t function if they got up at 4:00 AM. Breeding Couples who desperately need their 7-8 hours of shut-eye are screwed.

  10. Karen JL Says:

    Yeah, Brett…but you’re a freak. 😉

    I just want to know Friar’s ‘record’. Because I’ve had a pretty long one too (in the past…*ahem*).

    And if ‘Gracious’ does show up, just delete their troll ass without hesitation.

  11. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    Poor Friar’s Mom lurks on this blog….so I ain’t even gonna go there.

    But I bet you I’d have you beat.

  12. Friar Says:


    You make a good point, though.

    Today is miserable and rainy. And I’m using Parkinson’s law to fill in the void of the day.

  13. Friar's Mom Says:

    Yup, I lurk. So do lots of other people. Like one who will remain nameless.

    Why don’t you answer evasively like I did when you asked, “How often do you and dad do it?” My response was, “Not as often as we’d like to, because you go to bed too late, and you’d hear us.” That frank answer curbed your teenage curiosity.

    Going to movies alone: If I can’t find someone to go with, I occasionally go alone. The secret is to arrive at starting time, so I don’t have to sit alone. Besides one doesn’t converse during the movie. So what’s the big deal?

    Eating out alone: This a.m., I treated a neighbour to breakfast at a restaurant. We spent almost two hours chatting. I didn’t have to pre-tidy the house, cook, or clean up. Beats reading a paper or doing a x-word puzzle.

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    I respectfully disagree… 😉

    Anyone can function at 4:00 am, if they go to bed at a reasonable hour i.e. when their bodies tell them that they are tired, after getting used to a 4:00 am schedule.

    I bet if you were getting hot, passionate sex every day as long as you got up at 4:00 am, you’d be getting your ass out of bed – err, into bed – at 4:00 am…

    If you want it badly enough, you’ll do it. You’ll decide that the bullshit that’s on TV and the internet can wait, and you’ll just adjust.

    I used to be a “late night Louie” too, many years ago. I became that way because I was a chronic procrastinator, by the way… I’d eat supper, then spend several hours dithering around until I finally got around to doing something worthwhile.

  15. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    Well, you’re lucky. YOu can take out octogenarians for breakfast. I can’t even do that, in this small town.

    I’m from “outside” and the old folks then to mistrust people like me.


    Yeah, but I know you go to bed around 11:00. Or later. That’s about 5 hours of sleep.

    Lotta people can’t do that.

    Anyway, you’re a freak, like Karen JL says. 😉

  16. Brett Legree Says:

    Freak boy, reporting for duty – you bunch of “latey Louies” 😉

  17. Friar Says:


    Congratulations. You win. 😉

  18. XUP Says:

    I’m single but I’ve bred. Once. That’s a category all by itself. For instance, you know all those people who keep trying to “fix you up” and convince you that you need a partner? Well, if you have a kid they go even further and insist that you NEED to grab someone fast if your child is ever going to have a normal life.

  19. Friar Says:


    Yeah, aint’ it great, how open-minded some Breeding Couples are?

    They see someone who doesn’t have a nuclear family and they think: that person can’t POSSIBLY be happy. Come join us. Be one with the Collective.

    My favorite, is a former supervisor, who told me that if I didn’t get a woman soon, people would start to wonder if I was gay.

    Oh, then, by all means. That ALONE should be reason enough for me to get a girlfriend, right?

  20. XUP Says:

    Well, you certainly don’t want people speculating about your sex life. There’s no telling what devatating effects that will have. It’s human nature to want every one to be exactly as happy or as unhappy as they are

  21. pcunix Says:

    Sorry to be late. I’ve been busy -:)

    I agree with Brett about getting up early. Being self-employed and mostly working by remote access, I have no need to get up early, but I still do – it’s the best part of my day (except that I get hungry waiting to eat with my wife).

    If you don’t “breed”, you need to be very good friends with your siblings or friends children (not a bad thing to do anyway). Nothing sadder than outliving your friends and having no one.

  22. Friar Says:


    I’m the opposite. I like to sleep in, I just can’t function in the morning.

    I’m a night person. My best and creative work is late at night..after everyones gone to be and it’s quiet.

    I blame my Mom for strictly enforcing a bed-time when I was young. Staying up late was a “forbidden fruit” and in some ways, it still is.

    And fortunately, I have good friends and I’m still on speaking term with my siblings. Who even occasionally visit this blog!

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