If Large Corporations Were Run By Vikings

Meetings would not be allowed to drag on past their alloted time.

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Cafeterias would be heavily subsidized, with a heavy emphasis on roast animal.

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Profanity would not be tolerated..it would be encouraged.

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Grievances would get heard.

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Career advancement would be tough, but fair

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“Challenging” a co-worker would take on a whole new meaning.

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All staff would be required to speak the language of their forefathers.    Disobedience would be dealt with harshly.

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We would finally get a truly paperless office.

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The company’s year-end plunder would be shared fairly among the deserving employees…

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…while imcompetent management would be cast adrift in the North Sea.

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23 Comments on “If Large Corporations Were Run By Vikings”


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Joanna Paterson, Joanna Paterson. Joanna Paterson said: If only… if large corporations were vikings http://twurl.nl/8oe4kp […]

  2. Dave 1949 Says:

    If that is really how it will be sign me up as a member of the vikings should rule party.
    Even ending meetings on time would be worthy of international plaudits.


  3. The only problem I have with any of this is that the guy who’s standing beside the fire of paperwork should be roasting marshmallows – otherwise it’s a waste of burning.

  4. Kyddryn Says:

    Heh…I think I could work under those conditions…as long as I could roast marshmallows over the fire, that is. Or sausages.

    I do enjoy your drawing, Friar. Thanks for the grins.

    Shade and Sweetwater,
    K

  5. Karen JL Says:

    Yeah, that pretty much looks about right.

    You and Brett should check out this artist’s blog. Scroll down to see some cool Viking cartoon paintings.

    http://jpvine.com/category/blog/

    Nice schtuff. 🙂

  6. Friar Says:

    @Dave

    …I think if things were run this way, morale would be up, and profits would increase.

    @Canadian Army Wife

    They guy’s not roasting marshmallows, because he’s full of the roast beast from his cafeteria lunch.

    @Kyddryn

    See above. No need to roast sausages, when you’ve had 10 lbs of meat for lunch.

    @Karen
    I like that guy’s website. His latest entry are drawings “a la Franquin”, who happens to be one of my all-time favorite cartoonists.

  7. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Gives a whole new meaning to hostile takeover.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Especially if you’re Saxon or French.

  9. Cath Lawson Says:

    LOL – I love this Friar. It would be an awesome place to work. I used to make folk stand in meetings so they wouldn’t drag them out but the Vikings way of doing it is even better.

  10. XUP Says:

    Yay! The Vikings are back! Let me know when there’s a job opening at Viking Inc., okay?

  11. Eyeteaguy Says:

    I actually started to decline meeting requests and now they have stopped inviting me to the lame ones. Not sure if its hurting my career or not but I’m getting more done. 9 times out of 10 I have to leave the meeting when my cell phone rings.

    It pays to have an understanding co-worker to fake an emergency to save me.

    Eyeteaguy

  12. Friar Says:

    @Cath
    I think meetings would go much faster too…if people had to hand-write their slides like they did 20 years ago (instead of bombarding everyone with 75 crappy Powerpoint pictures nobody can read)

    @XUP
    I happen to know from Olaf ThunderFröck that there’s an opening for an Apprentic Pillager/Slasher.

    How good are you with a battle-axe?

    @Eyeteaguy
    Can you program your phone to ring in the middle of a meeting, and duck out?

    Most of us dont’ know squat about computuers. You could invent some excuse, and tell everyone it will take you hours to fix.

    Like recalibrating the E-Prom Spool-disc rectifier, or something.

  13. Brett Legree Says:

    How to program your cell phone to ring in the middle of a boring meeting.

    Step 1: make sure your phone has an “alarm clock” application.
    Step 2: make sure the alarm uses the same ring tone as your ringer – you know, a phone sound.
    Step 3: set your alarm with a two-minute delay when you start to get bored.
    Step 4: respond to “ringing phone” by politely excusing yourself, cancelling the alarm as you exit the room while saying, “Hello?” just as you pass through the door.
    Step 5: proceed to your office and surf the intarwebs.

  14. Brett Legree Says:

    PS – I only attend meetings with my boss these days. No one else.

  15. XUP Says:

    How good am I with the battle axe? I AM a battle axe!!! Where do I apply?

  16. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    That’s good for future reference. For one of these years when I actually get a cell phone!

    @XUP
    Send your cv and list of your battles (including shield-wall experience) to:

    The Village of SmelBaåd
    Hovel 3A,
    Coast of Norway
    c/o Olaf ThunderFröck

  17. Brett Legree Says:

    I’m sure you’ll have one someday. If you want to continue using a telephone, I almost guarantee it (the carriers will make it uncomfortable for you *not* to have one, I suspect).

  18. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Kicking and screaming, will I be dragged into the 21st Century.

  19. Brett Legree Says:

    I figure if you have a need for it, you’ll get one.

    (I mean, you blog and tweet *waaaaay* more than I do, so you’re not a Luddite – even more than Eyeteaguy, and well, he’s an IT guy…)

  20. Friar Says:

    @Brett

    Eyeteaguy doesn’t blog.

    He just waits till I do, so he can leave snarky comments.

  21. SJD Says:

    i don’t even know how i ended up here but am now very excited and will waste the rest of my company’s time this morning catching up with all i’ve missed thus far on your blog (no danger of a battle axe to the head in my office)

    Thanks for existing Friar!

  22. Friar Says:

    @SJD

    Glad you like my blog. But there’s lots of stuff to catch up on. Enough to corrupt you and your work at the office.

    (Just be careful, and don’t get fired and blame it on me!) 🙂


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