Things that Violate the Unofficial Guys’ Code
Though if your girlfriend or wife did it, that wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Two words: Ass-Hat.
Sorry, that is not a bike. That is a TRICYCLE.
At this point, get a car, dude.
Just make sure it isn’t a Smart Car.
Except when used for illumination purposes, when the power goes out.
Like that old joke goes…they’re fun to have, until your friends see you with one.
Except the paper ones that come with your fast-food. Those are reluctantly tolerated.
Referring to tasty food as “yummy”
Unless you’re 7 years old, no guy should ever say this.
Instead, say the food is be “Awesome!”.
Or, even better, say it’s “F#$%*ing awesome!”
Meals served on large square plates
As soon as you see this, you know it’s gonna be Nouvelle Cuisine. Meaning $75.00 for a sliver a meat, four carrots and three potato balls.
Sorry. I don’t care how good it tastes.
For that kind of money, I expect to be fed several pounds of roast animal of some kind. And be stuffed till I almost wanna hurl.
Baked ANYTHING, for that matter, when it could be deep-fried instead.
Unless you speed it up several notches, and it becomes kung-fu.
Obviously invented by annoyed women, as a means to force their partners to keep the seat down.
No self-respecting male would deliberately install one of these lethal dick-traps himself, though.
The Broadway musical, I mean.
Though most of the real-life feline critters would also qualify for this list.
I dunno. To me, it sounds like it should be a soundtrack for a feminine hygiene product commercial.
I forget which one. But the one where the commercial goes “La-la-la-la-la-Laaah” and they show a belly dancer.
Subway’s Orchard Chicken Sandwich
With apples, raisins and cranberries.
Sorry, that is not a sam-wich. That is an ABOMINATION.
It’s not a sub unless it has bacon, cheese, or mystery-meat cold-cuts.
Preferably all three.
Who should all die.
Slowly and painfully. .
Come to think of it, Mimes violate everyone’s unofficial code, men and women included.