Custom-Made Serenity Prayers

The original  (that everyone likes to quote):
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

For the Malcontent Cubicle-Worker
Oh Lord.  Kill me now.
Grant me the strength to cope with the dysfunctional bozons who run this place,
without screaming and wanting to gouge my eyes out;
the wisdom to recognize that it’s all “pensionable time”;
the apathy to not care anymore;
and to just daydream about the coming weekend.

For Frustrated Parents
God, grant me the serenity to not throttle my child.
Seriously, when they act like this, I want to kill them.
Help me accept that it will only get worse when they reach their teens
and the good fortune that they’ll move out before they’re thirty.

For the Precocious Toddler
Dear God;
Give me energy from all those sugar-drinks
to scream and yell till  I get what I want;
the ability to manipulate my parents and to wear them down.
and the wisdom to know when to stop pushing my luck.

For a Fourteen-year old Girl
Like, OMG, ya know?
Help me to, like, recognize what’s LAME.
LOL!  Have you SEEN what she’s wearing?
And then maybe, like, I could go to the Gap with my BFF.
Like, that would be sooooo AWESOME!

The Family Dog
Grant me the agility
To catch that squirrel in the back yard.
Help me accept the fact that  I cannot climb trees.
Dear  God, I hate that squirrel!
I REALLY DO.

The Senior Who Lives Down The Street
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept the disrespectful ass-clowns that are todays’ kids;
the courage to tell them to get off of my lawn;
and the patience to hose down my driveway, till it’s clean enough to eat off of.

Flipper
Klak.
Klackety-Klack Klack
Klack.  Klackackack.  Click Click Klack
Klack  Click Ackackack  (*does a back flip*)

Wile E. Coyote
Grant me the persistence to keep trying to catch the Road Runner
the wisdom to accept that I’ll never succeed
the courage to keep buying from Acme
and to accept gravity as my friend, not my enemy.

The Viking Warrior
Odin, grant me the strength to slay my enemies
to accept whatever plunder I take from the Saxons
the courage to maintain the shield-wall
and to recognize when to move on, when there’s no more loot to be had.


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11 Comments on “Custom-Made Serenity Prayers”

  1. eyeteaguy Says:

    Hoe Lee Chit!

    That was the funniest thing I have yet to see on the Internet!

    Dammit, I peed myself.

    Eyewetguy

    P.S. Firsties!

  2. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    Yeah..you haven’t been first for a while.

    It’s almost as if you got a life or something.

  3. Viking Thunder Says:

    The Flipper one made me shoot coke-a-cola out of my nose.

  4. Tony Single Says:

    Hilarious! I nearly fell off my chair with a fit of the giggles. I am no longer a man. 😛

  5. Kat Says:

    Hehe. Thanks for some laughs first thing on a Thursday morning, Friar. =)

  6. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Wee Friar,

    That’s funny. Even funnier than your Zodiac signs.

    I still can’t figure out how your brain works. However, I know what prompted this post.

  7. Friar Says:

    @Viking Thunder
    Making someone spew their beverage is one of the highest compliments I can get for a funny post.

    And I thank you for that.

    @Tony
    If you wanted to be more manly, you could have said LMAO, rather than giggle.

    @Kat
    Glad I could at least make someones Thursday morning funny.

    @Friar’s Mom
    I still can’t figure how my brain works, either. And it’s stuck in MY head.

  8. XUP Says:

    Har har har…except that NObody goes to the GAP anymore…like, get with it, grandpa

  9. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    The fact that I have no idea what 14-year olds think is cool….I consider a GOOD THING.

  10. Eyeteaguy Says:

    God grant me a machine gun
    to accept that a full metal jacket is standard;
    courage to switch to full automatic;
    and wisdom to know when to stop shooting.

    Its been that kind of week.

    EyeFMJguy

  11. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy

    I hear ya. It’s 9:06 AM on my first day back from vacation, and I already feel that way.


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