Custom-Made Serenity Prayers
The original (that everyone likes to quote):
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
For the Malcontent Cubicle-Worker
Oh Lord. Kill me now.
Grant me the strength to cope with the dysfunctional bozons who run this place,
without screaming and wanting to gouge my eyes out;
the wisdom to recognize that it’s all “pensionable time”;
the apathy to not care anymore;
and to just daydream about the coming weekend.
For Frustrated Parents
God, grant me the serenity to not throttle my child.
Seriously, when they act like this, I want to kill them.
Help me accept that it will only get worse when they reach their teens
and the good fortune that they’ll move out before they’re thirty.
For the Precocious Toddler
Give me energy from all those sugar-drinks
to scream and yell till I get what I want;
the ability to manipulate my parents and to wear them down.
and the wisdom to know when to stop pushing my luck.
For a Fourteen-year old Girl
Like, OMG, ya know?
Help me to, like, recognize what’s LAME.
LOL! Have you SEEN what she’s wearing?
And then maybe, like, I could go to the Gap with my BFF.
Like, that would be sooooo AWESOME!
The Family Dog
Grant me the agility
To catch that squirrel in the back yard.
Help me accept the fact that I cannot climb trees.
Dear God, I hate that squirrel!
I REALLY DO.
The Senior Who Lives Down The Street
Lord, grant me the serenity
to accept the disrespectful ass-clowns that are todays’ kids;
the courage to tell them to get off of my lawn;
and the patience to hose down my driveway, till it’s clean enough to eat off of.
Klack. Klackackack. Click Click Klack
Klack Click Ackackack (*does a back flip*)
Wile E. Coyote
Grant me the persistence to keep trying to catch the Road Runner
the wisdom to accept that I’ll never succeed
the courage to keep buying from Acme
and to accept gravity as my friend, not my enemy.
The Viking Warrior
Odin, grant me the strength to slay my enemies
to accept whatever plunder I take from the Saxons
the courage to maintain the shield-wall
and to recognize when to move on, when there’s no more loot to be had.