Friar’s Easy Recipes for Bachelors who Hate to Cook
Tartine au Pain Blanc
– Take two slices of squishy white bread, made of bleached processed flour
– Smear one slice with sugar-laden trans-fat peanut butter, in clockwise strokes
– Smear the other slice with a red jam made of high-fructose corn syrup, in counter-clockwise strokes.
– Assemble the pieces into one sammitch. Repeat as often as necessary.
– Serves One.
Citrus Surprise (a refreshing beverage)
– Unscrew the top of a 2-liter carton of orange juice.
– Drink directly out of the carton, until it is empty, or you are no longer thirsty.
– Return the carton to the fridge, regardless.
Quick Easy Dinner
– Select a box of cereal, making sure the sugar content is no less than 40%.
– Pour into a bowl gently, filling it to the brim.
– Pour milk into bowl, filling it to the brim.
– Ignore the cereal overflow.
– Eat in front of TV.
– Repeat as often as necessary.
Gourmet Pasta with Meatballs a la Bolognese
– With can opener, carefully turn and open the lid of a can of Chef Bo-Ar-Dee spaghetti and meat balls.
– Put in bowl, and gently place bowl in microwave.
– Turn on “High” for 2 minutes (making sure to overheat and splash tomato sauce all over the place).
– Serves one.
– Only wipe up the sauce, a week later, after it’s hardened.
– Entertain the thought of preparing a vegetarian meal, for maybe one microsecond.
– Drive to Subway, and order a sammitch with extra mystery meat and double bacon.
Beef-Szechuan Stir- Fry with Mixed Vegetables
– Seriously intend to cook this meal.
– Take 1/4 lb of beef, 1 red pepper. 1 cup mushrooms, and 1 cup brocoli.
– Stick the food in the back of the fridge, and forget about it.
– Keep the vegetables refrigerated, until they have spoiled and are starting to become liquid.
– Throw them out and accept defeat.
– With index finger, call the Golden Palace and order the Beef Szechuan Stir-Fry with Mixed Vegetables.