Friar’s Easy Recipes for Bachelors who Hate to Cook

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Tartine au Pain Blanc
– Take two slices of squishy white bread, made of bleached processed flour
– Smear one slice with sugar-laden trans-fat peanut butter, in clockwise strokes
– Smear the other slice with a red jam made of high-fructose corn syrup, in counter-clockwise strokes.
– Assemble the pieces into one sammitch.    Repeat as often as necessary.
– Serves One.

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Citrus Surprise (a refreshing beverage)

– Unscrew the top of a 2-liter carton of orange juice.
– Drink directly out of the carton,  until it is empty, or you are no longer thirsty.
– Return the carton to the fridge, regardless.

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Quick Easy Dinner
– Select a box of cereal, making sure the sugar content is no less than 40%.
– Pour into a bowl gently,  filling it to the brim.
– Pour milk into bowl, filling it to the brim.
– Ignore the cereal overflow.
– Eat in front of  TV.
– Repeat as often as necessary.

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Gourmet Pasta with Meatballs a la Bolognese
– With can opener, carefully turn and open the lid of a can of Chef Bo-Ar-Dee spaghetti and meat balls.
– Put in bowl, and gently place bowl in microwave.
– Turn on “High” for 2 minutes (making sure to overheat and splash tomato sauce all over the place).
– Serves one.
– Only wipe up the sauce, a week later, after it’s hardened.

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Vegetarian Delight
– Entertain the thought of preparing a vegetarian meal, for maybe one microsecond.
– Drive to Subway, and order a sammitch with extra mystery meat and double bacon.

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Beef-Szechuan Stir- Fry with Mixed Vegetables
– Seriously intend to cook this meal.
– Take 1/4 lb of beef, 1 red pepper.  1 cup mushrooms,  and 1 cup brocoli.
– Stick the food in the back of the fridge, and forget about it.
– Keep the vegetables refrigerated, until they have spoiled and are starting to become liquid.
– Throw them out and accept defeat.
– With index finger, call the Golden Palace and order the Beef Szechuan Stir-Fry with Mixed Vegetables.

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10 Comments on “Friar’s Easy Recipes for Bachelors who Hate to Cook”

  1. Tracy Says:

    It’s a mystery to me how you remain a bachelor with cooking skills like those! And the ability to somehow wipe off hardened Boyardee crud without using a jackhammer!

  2. Kelvin Kao Says:

    Well, this list certain has more French than I would’ve thought…

  3. Friar Says:

    @Kelvin
    Yes…my cooking influences have always been from French Haute cuisine.

  4. Cheryl Says:

    Works for bachelorettes too!

  5. CaptainPush Says:

    I got this recipe from one of my employees:

    One serving of “cup o’ noodles” which contains no nutritional value. To remedy that, he crushes up some potato chips and adds the “seasoning” to the dish.

    Sounds delicious but I admit I haven’t tried it YET.

  6. Zhu Says:

    And to think some France has the best cuisine in the world…! That’s it, I’m adopting all the recipes. I just hope I can follow the instructions. Next time, detail a bit more please 😆

  7. Friar Says:

    @Cheryl
    I’m disillusioned…I thought women were above this sort of thing!

    @Captain Push
    And the chips would count as your serving of veg, right?

    @Zhu
    That’s about as detailed as the instructions get.

    Anything more than six steps is too complicated to make, and not worth doing.

  8. Friar Says:

    @Tracy

    Whooops. You kinda got lost in my spam filter, for some reason.

    But those dried-on Boyardee stains come off pretty good..with those Mr. Clean sponges.

  9. Friar's Mom Says:

    @Wee Friar,

    In the latest copy of Mcleans magazine, an article mentioned Deep Fried Butter. I’m sure you’d enjoy it, but the recipe is not suitable for “Easy Recipes for Bachelor’s Who Hate to Cook”.

    Curious me Googled “Deep Fried Butter” and discovered a recipe for “Deep Fried Ice Cream”. I ask myself why?

    You can learn from Friar’s Blog.

  10. Friar Says:

    @Friar’s Mom

    I’ve had deep-fried ice-cream. It’s actuallq quite good.

    Not as bad as it sounds. It’s a frozen rock-hard ball of icecream. Put in batter and quickly fried. There’s not tons of dough or anything. It’m more like a thin, sweet crust.

    You can’t go wrong, with deep-frying. I am even willing to eat veggies if they are prepared this way.


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