Middle-Aged Cynical Bachelor Tips: 12 Reasons To Talk Yourself Out Of Getting a Girlfriend

1.  She won’t ski or fish or golf.   But won’t be willing to learn how, or let me go on my own.

2. I’ll want to spend my weekends relaxing.   But we’ll be getting up at 3;15 AM and drive her kids to 4 different hockey tournaments in 4 different provinces.

3.  She might like Céline Dion.  Or cats.   Or both.

4.   She’ll insist on elaborate meals, involving cutlery and napkins and shit.  Which I’ll be expected to help out with.

5.  I’ll want to watch “Robot Chicken”.  But she’ll insist on Oprah, which I’ll make fun of.  And then I’ll end up sleeping on the couch.

6.  Every year, I’ll have to come up with the most original, most thoughtful, most romantic Valentine’s gift, ever.   And I’ll fail, and then I’ll end up sleeping on the couch.

7.  We will continuously argue over the toilet set, because I will always leave it up.

8.  I’ll finally land my ultimate dream job.   But I won’t be able to take it, because it’s in another city and her kids will refuse to move.

9.  She’ll be in the middle of an expensive custody battle, and I’ll have to cash in my retirement plan to pay for her lawyer’s bar tab.

10   Her kids will be teenagers, and I’ll have to cash in my retirement plan to pay for their orthodontist and/or college tuition.

11.  Whenever I want to eat junk food, I’ll now have to answer to someone.

12.  After the novelty wears off, there will be no more sex.   Which is right where I started in the first place.

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: Friar's Grab Bag

Tags: , , ,

You can comment below, or link to this permanent URL from your own site.

6 Comments on “Middle-Aged Cynical Bachelor Tips: 12 Reasons To Talk Yourself Out Of Getting a Girlfriend”

  1. Kelvin Kao Says:

    A good chunk of these can be solved by dating a 20 year old.

  2. Friar Says:

    @Kelvin

    I don’t earn enough money to date a 20-year-old.

  3. Kelvin Kao Says:

    But consider all the savings you are getting from not having #9 and #10!

  4. Friar Says:

    Well, it’s not a matter of me not wanting to go out with them. But at my age, the only way I could get away with it is to have a big car and lots of money. (Which I don’t).

  5. svc Says:

    HaHa. lol. Maybe the opposit, you need to date 45+ year olds. Cynical or a rationalisation. Either way, you are left with your boat and your bed half full!!!! Notice I did not say half empty.

    I would love or dare you to write the female version of this; from the receiving end.


  6. It’s really a great and useful piece of information. I’m satisfied that
    you simply shared this useful info with us. Please keep us informed like this.
    Thanks for sharing.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: