Counting my Blessings: Things I’m Grateful For

That squirrels are so small.    Because if they were our size, those asshole varmints would no doubt try to kill us all.

(Same goes for Canada Geese).

That Céline Dion is in Vegas….thousands of miles away.

That you can see still see the uncut, uncensored Bugs Bunny cartoons on Youtube.

That I’m presently not on fire.

That I fall into the class of people who don’t give a flying fox-fart about Charlie Sheen, or any other celebrity gossip.

That I’m not a senior manager, nor do I have a desire to ever become one.

That my brain is relatively intact (well, actually that’s pretty much the same as the last statement above).

That I don’t feel the need to live-tweet what I just ate for breakfast.

That there is no Polish Scrabble.  (Too many Z’s and W’s).

That I have opposable thumbs and am not thwarted by doorknobs or can-openers like dogs are.

That I’m not a hockey dad, and don’t have to get up at 4:30 AM on Saturday to drive Junior to the arena.

That every time I finish a day of skiing, I haven’t blown out my anterior cruciate ligament for the 4th time.

That when I’m on vacation, the office doesn’t know where I am, and couldn’t even reach me if they tried.

That when I see a screaming demon-spawn toddler at WalMart,  I remember that I’m single.

That I love animals, but not so much that I don’t feel guilty about eating some of them.

That I hate lima beans.  (If I enjoyed them, the quality of my life would suffer).

40-foot giant inflatable gorillas.   (You can never have enough of them).

Toilet paper (imagine living in a time when there wasn’t any?)

Finally….BACON!!   (Goes without saying).

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15 Comments on “Counting my Blessings: Things I’m Grateful For”


  1. I think giant roaches would be worse than giant squirrels – even the tiny ones keep twitching after you have flattened them.

    I’m grateful that the university students are on spring break next week – a week of no drunken idiots wandering the neighborhood at 2am.

  2. Mike Goad Says:

    Speaking of geese, I saw a couple of flights high in the sky heading north. Sign of changes? 😉

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    If you eat the “right kind” of foods (whatever that means), you don’t need toilet paper… ask a dog 😉

    (Burger King doesn’t count, tasty as it may be!)

    Just sayin’…

  4. Friar Says:

    @Kim
    I would like to see the giant roaches battling the giant squirrels.

    @Mike
    They’re flying over to my town, so they can hang around the soccer fields and parks, and shit all over the place.

    @Brett
    The problem is with us hairless apes, is that unlike dogs, we have these big flabby butt-cheeks that get in the way.

    If our butts were designed more like dogs’, it wouldn’t be a problem. Even with Burger King. 🙂

  5. Brett Legree Says:

    True ’nuff 🙂


  6. If we ate the “right kind” of foods we wouldn’t have big flabby butt cheeks. We have nicely toned, beautiful round bottoms, muscular enough to push the poop out of the way… even the odd Burger King meal.

  7. Friar Says:

    @Davina
    Sorry, even rock hard muscular cheeks still get messy.

  8. Karen JL Says:

    I can leave for 6 months…come back and it’s still just poop talk.

    It’s kind of comforting in a weird way…

  9. Friar Says:

    Hey! Look who showed up! It’s Karen!

    Good to hear from ya! 🙂

    And yes…it’s still all about poop talk. I’m one of the few bloggers who still does.

  10. Brett Legree Says:

    I’m sure if you did a search, there must be someone else out there blogging about feces (look for scat film enthusiasts or something…) – but at least you’re not serious about it!

    (Those people ain’t right…)


  11. Perhaps. When when it dries, at least it flakes off, and doesn’t get stuck in the dimples and creases. 🙂

  12. Friar Says:

    Geez.

    You really need to wipe more. 🙂

  13. Donald Mills Says:

    I’m not so sure, Friar. Get “Zadzwonię” on a triple word tile and you can pretty much just call it a game.

  14. Friar Says:

    @Don
    That’s a good one…My Polish is rusty, though. I’ll have to ask Friar’s Mom what that means.

    @Davina
    I am to please.


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