Counting my Blessings: Things I’m Grateful For
That squirrels are so small. Because if they were our size, those asshole varmints would no doubt try to kill us all.
(Same goes for Canada Geese).
That Céline Dion is in Vegas….thousands of miles away.
That you can see still see the uncut, uncensored Bugs Bunny cartoons on Youtube.
That I’m presently not on fire.
That I fall into the class of people who don’t give a flying fox-fart about Charlie Sheen, or any other celebrity gossip.
That I’m not a senior manager, nor do I have a desire to ever become one.
That my brain is relatively intact (well, actually that’s pretty much the same as the last statement above).
That I don’t feel the need to live-tweet what I just ate for breakfast.
That there is no Polish Scrabble. (Too many Z’s and W’s).
That I have opposable thumbs and am not thwarted by doorknobs or can-openers like dogs are.
That I’m not a hockey dad, and don’t have to get up at 4:30 AM on Saturday to drive Junior to the arena.
That every time I finish a day of skiing, I haven’t blown out my anterior cruciate ligament for the 4th time.
That when I’m on vacation, the office doesn’t know where I am, and couldn’t even reach me if they tried.
That when I see a screaming demon-spawn toddler at WalMart, I remember that I’m single.
That I love animals, but not so much that I don’t feel guilty about eating some of them.
That I hate lima beans. (If I enjoyed them, the quality of my life would suffer).
40-foot giant inflatable gorillas. (You can never have enough of them).
Toilet paper (imagine living in a time when there wasn’t any?)
Finally….BACON!! (Goes without saying).