Archive for April 2011

A Fake Friar Post: Things You Are Unlikely To Hear Me Say, Anytime Soon

April 22, 2011

 “Oh, 8 ounces of steak is too much for me!   Just give me half, and that’ll be fine”

“I really enjoyed that yoga class.”

“That quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson is SOOOOO true!    Thanks for sharing!  It made my day! “

“Sorry, I can’t go fishing with you today.  I have to catch up on my housework.  I’ve been putting it off too long.”

“Caillou is a great cartoon!   I love Caillou!”

“Has anyone seen my poetry book? “

“I’ve decided to get rid of my car, to reduce my carbon footprint.”

“Oooh, look!  A coupon for 50 cents off lima beans!”

“Please, by all means, let your child continue to scream at the top of their lungs.   Scolding them in public will only harm their self-esteem.”

“A time to lean, is a time to CLEAN.”

“If you visit, I’d rather you NOT bring your dog over.   He’ll just mess up my house. “

“Eat, Pray, Love” was the best movie I’ve ever seen.

“I don’t watch TV…it’s too much of a waste of time”.

“Here are tens tips on how to avoid procrastination.”

“Slow down!  You can get there just as fast by sticking to the speed limit. “

“I love my job!”

“Huh….you act like a typical Capricorn! “

“Who wants the last slice of pizza?”

“It took me three hours to cook that new recipe, but it was worth it!”

“I hate living out in the country.   Give me the bustling, busy life of the Big City.”

“We should say “Seasons’ Greetings” instead of “Merry Christmas”, so as to not potentially offend anyone from another culture.”

“Excuse yourself !!!”   (after hearing a fart).



One Last Ski

April 21, 2011

Lots of people are glad to see the snow disappear this time of year.   They say they’re fed up and they’ve had enough.

Not me.   I like the snow.   And I’m kinda sad when the ski season ends.

Winter looked looked like it was pretty much over, as of this past Tuesday:

But Wednesday morning, I woke up to this:

Which allowed me to go out for one more ski after work:

Not to mention getting one night’s more use out of my Christmas lights and Polar Bear:

Friar’s Sure-Fire Weight-Loss Techniques

April 15, 2011

Get a chest cold, which turns into bronchitis and you have to take antibiotics.   The pills will make your stomach feel shitty and you won’t feel like eating.

Have a shitty job and/or shitty relationship that stresses you out so much, that you won’t feel like eating.

Get the stomach flu and/or or eat bad meat.

Go to one of those frou-frou expensive restaurants where they serve the meals on large square plates.  You’ll be lucky if the main course costs consists of five potato balls and a sliver of meat.

Order take-out pizza, but have a woman place the order.  She’ll buy just enough, assuming everyone will only want one (maybe two) slices each.

Live in small-town Ontario, and only try to buy your groceries after 7:00 PM.

Watch Grandma eat, with her poorly-fitting dentures.

Hate to cook, and live in a small town with no fast-food joints.

Attend “Lunch and Learn” sessions at work…which are typically no lunch, and all learn.

At all-you-can-eat buffets, make sure you stand behind a doddering senior.   By the time they’ve picked and chosen their food, you’ll have lost 5 lbs.

At McDonalds,  make sure you go through drive-thru behind a Soccer Mom in a van full of screaming kids.  (See above).

Have kids and try to eat at the same time they do.

Monday Night Art Class

April 4, 2011

I decided to paint a ski hill for a  change…