On-Line Dating Ads I Tend to Skip Over

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(*)  All based on actual dating ads I’ve seen.

(Seriously, folks, I cannot make this shit up!)

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1.  The Other Guy

Okay, if you’re supposed to be single and available, then who the hell is this guy that’s cropped out of the picture?    Your Dad?   Your brother?  Uncle Sven?

Or is it your jealous Ex who still stalks everyone you talk to?

I think I’ll pass.

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2.  The World Traveler

Okay, it’s an admirable quality to want to broaden one’s horizons and see different cultures.

But the 20-pixel photo of yourself in the background tells me nothing about what you look like.

News Flash:   Guys are interested in dating women…NOT the Great Pyramid of Giza.

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3.  Okay!…Okay!  You’re a MOM! …We GET it! 

Ladies, we guys aren’t stupid.   We realize that most women over 30 come with kids from a previous relationship.

But can you at least take a 2-minute break from you Mommyhood  and just pose for one lousy picture, without having to involve your precious offspring?

Or maybe you want just to scare off all the guys who aren’t thrilled with being an “Instant Dad” on the first date.

If which case, mission accomplished.

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4.  Ms. Scowly-Face

THIS is the best picture of yourself that you could find?

…REALLY?

I mean, how much effort does it take to SMILE?

….Next!

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5.  Good LORD…!   What IS that? 

 

Here’s a hint to all you budding photographers out there:

Holding the camera at arms’ length rarely provides flattering results.

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6.  I sense a lack of focus

Oh, come ON!     You’re not even TRYING!

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7.  Lookit My Home Renovations

Do you honestly think that people are interested in your rock-pile?

WHY…in Gods’ name, would you post this picture, instead more photos of yourself?

(Although this helps explain why you’re still single…)

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10 Comments on “On-Line Dating Ads I Tend to Skip Over”

  1. Kelvin Kao Says:

    #7 would be: I live under a rock.

    #2 is actually useful. Pyramids are of known heights. With a little bit of trigonometry, you can totally figure out how tall she is!

  2. renxkyoko Says:

    Oh, my word ! Hilarious ! ROFL !

    Greetings from california.

  3. Mike Says:

    Initial overall impressions:

    Scarey — funny — sad.

  4. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Gives new meaning to one in a million. Looks like you’ll have to read a million ads to find one good one. Then fight a million guys to get a date with her. Sounds impossible.

    I suggest joining a cult or going to India and arranging an arranged marriage.

    Nice cartoons by the way.

    Eyeteaguy

  5. Friar Says:

    @Kelvin
    Yes, height is good to know. But I’d want more information. Though I dont’ know of any trig calcs that tell if she’s a hawt cutie or a neanderthal women with a uni-brow?

    @Renxkyoko
    Welcome to the Deep Friar. Glad you like it!

    @Mike
    What’s scary, is that all of these are true.

    @Eyeteaguy
    …and even if I do, somehow, manager to get that ONE date, there’s no guarantee that I’ll be that one in a million for HER.

    Yeah, I think my best options are mail-order brides. Or wait until technology catches up and they can manufacture the perfect robot-mate.

  6. Opal Says:

    Sad to see those dating ads haven’t changed. I haven’t looked at them in years, but remember seeing the ones you mentioned — but from the female perspective. (Yes plenty of guys do this too).

    Your number five made me laugh. I’ve seen those extreme close-ups and have wondered… “Where they blind (or drunk) when they posted that shot?” It wasn’t flattering.

  7. Friar Says:

    @Opal

    I’m sure there are just as many stupid guys’ ads out there. However, I tend to only check out the ladies! 🙂

  8. Karen JL Says:

    *waves to Friar*

    You should also be concerned when there is NO photo.

    One guy *finally* emailed me a photo after I wouldn’t continue corresponding without one. It was hi-rez and as it loaded, it slowly revealed him in a bow tie…bare-chested…in a thong…probably from the 80’s.

    I literally screamed out loud.

    All you can ask is “WHY????”

    I’m scarred for life.

  9. Kyddryn Says:

    My boyfriend keeps trying to get me to sign up for those dating sites, but it’s not worth it – I can’t be anything but honest, and it seems no one’s interested in a woman with a fifty-acre ass, no boobs to speak of, two kids, and an attitude. What wrong with you guys??

    Thanks for the chuckle…reminded me why I’m just as happy living in a troll hole

  10. Friar Says:

    @Karen JL

    (*waves back*). 🙂

    Hey! Glad to see you’re still around! It’s been a while. I kinda missed ya!

    Good LORD. Sounds like your dating ad experience was cringe-worthy.

    Stories like that are why I haven’t posted anything about myself on these sites yet. So far, I’m only just looking. If I go any farther than that, remains to be seen. .

    @Kyddryn
    Hey, another friendly face! Nice to see you again too. .

    Though I’m confused (??). Why is your boyfriend trying to get you to sign up for those sites? Is he trying to get rid of you or something?


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