Happy Post-Thanksgiving: Eleven Things I am Ungrateful For
Because they’re assholes.
Anyone who follows my blog will know why.
2. Frosted Mini Wheats
Coat them with sugar all you want, they still taste like sawdust.
3. Lucky Charms (just the cereal part)
Because REALLY…without marshmallows, what’s the freaking POINT?
Teaching kids everywhere to be whiny little shits, since 1995.
5. The Kardashians
For the life of me, I cannot think of one thing these women actually DO. Except maybe metabolize food into CO2 and water vapor and waste heat.
Okay. I’ll give them THAT…at least.
6. French Kids’ TV Shows with Puppets
…and you thought ELMO was obnoxious!
7. Estrogen-Saturated Yogurt Commercials
Nothing like setting back the feminist movement by 40 years…
8. Chips Ahoy Cookie Bags
Ever since they changed their design…just TRY and open one without ripping it.
9. Faster-than-Light Neutrinos Research
Okay, you guys. Stop it.
Just STOP it.
You’re going to ruin physics for EVERYONE.
10. Cirque de Soleil
Make it go away.
11. Inspirational Posters telling me to be grateful.
Because actually, they have the OPPOSITE effect.