Excerpts from On-Line Dating Ads That Make Thank My Lucky Stars That I’m still SIngle

“I wish to live a true love relationship with all its joys and its challenges, and feel the openness of my partner’s heart… Being able to communicate at a deep level who we are, where we’re at and how we feel, and be received and understood. “

Oh..Geez. You’re not one of those women who are constantly asking “Tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”….are you?

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“My cat Cashemere, is all white with pink ears, and he is very good boy; I love him and he welcomes me home when I open the door; he brings a smile on my face at all times. I hope to meet that kind man who would love Cashemere as well. “

Hmm…sounds like a match. When is Cashmere available to go out on a date?

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“i amromantic and passioni believe on honesty and like everyone have days and bad but i love to talk about that too the is more about me to find out in time i am looking for a honestand loving man who enjoys roamnce and dancing movies and so muct iwould likre the man to know that we can talk about anyhing and yes he has to believe in family value . i am looking for a man that enjoy;s life.”

Finally! A passioni woman who enjoys roamnce and dancing movies. And who believes in family value.

And I like the way she replaces periods with i’s.

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“Moderately tattooed redhead with a passion for health and wellness and arts and culture…”

Ummm…define “moderately tattooed”.

Because by today’s standards, that might mean you only still have your eyelids intact.

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“YES im looking for man that he is nice,understand ,loving humble,caring a good relation with the lord and he good job and sweet prson. And i want that he is resposeble man and i want he is also good to my friend and families ,and most specially hard working . “

This look good match. I am man is nice and I good job. Also caring with the lord.

And you can ask my friends….I am a VERY resposeble person.

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“will what i am looking for my partner or ideal man in life is hes honest from head to foot to me if i accept you as you are just because of your not just because your good looking and good talking”

Good Lord. I think my brain just burst a blood vessel trying to read this sentence.

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“I truly believe: Laughter is the best medicine. Good things come to those who wait.
There is a lesson in everything that happens and everything happens for a reason.
The only thing in life that is constant is change. Good things come in small packages – like me!!! “

Ah, I see you must have taken that night class in “Hackneyed Cliches 101”

PS. No offense, but based on your photo, I would not exactly say you come in a “small” package.

***********************

“I work in the fitness and hospitality industries so I feel that I do have my fingers on the pulse of the mainstream. Not sure if that’s such a good thing, but I digress….”

I’m not sure if that’s such a good thing either.  Or a bad thing.  In fact, I’m not sure what the heck you’re talking about, period.

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“I am grateful to have a lots of friend and to go shopping with them.”

Like, you know…even if you’re like, 48,  like your ad says, it’s always, like, cool to go to the mall with your friends and shop.

And, like, OMG, there’s a sale on at the Gap today. I am SO there!

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“…Watching movies, sports, going to see my Dad in Niagara (oh ya, a car is a must).”

Let me get this straight.

You basically want me to play chauffeur, so we can go visit your DAD?

(Oh, be still my beating heart!)

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“Hi,  I can describe myself as a good looking single female that doesn’t put so much emphasis on people’s looks but what comes with it…”

Then why did you write that you were good-looking, in your first sentence?

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Listed under “For Fun”:  “Christian girl who loves God passionately! Serving Him is my # 1 priority.”

That’s what you honestly put down, what you like to do for FUN?

REALLY?

Well, at least that helps explain why you’re still single.

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“looking to meet new people …and maybe a long lasting relation ..long term.. loser stay away and liers to…”

Good thing she provides this warning.   Because I can just picture it:  hundreds men, on the verge of responding to this ad, and asking themselves:

“Am I a loser? Hmmm….wait…OMG! Yes I am! And she told me to stay away! Phew! That was close!   Good thing I caught myself on time and didn’t answer back!”

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“I am a good listener..and find myself providing counsel and advice even to my ex’s on occasion…true! “

Just a suggestion. But maybe if you listened a little bit LESS…and stopped being a therapist to your exes, it might help your dating situation and you wouldn’t have to post ads here.

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” I love paintings-my favourite painter is Marc Chagall; reading books on Jewish Mysticism-Abraham Heschel and Martin Buber and Eastern Mysticsm; ‘seeing tons of sensitive movies- The Thin Red Line, Sophie’s Choice, Never Cry Wolf, Dr.Zhivago; meditative music-Enya, Bjork, Philip Glass, Yo Yo Ma, but also blues music-Stevie Ray Vaughn”

WOW.  Ms. Perfesser.

As for me, I like to watch SpongeBob

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“I am faithful and loyal to partners who supply lots of emotional and finacial security, sexual diversity and intellecutal challenge”

Well, we’re in luck, then. Because my finacial investments are sound, and I consider myself quite the intellecutal.

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“Volunteering has become a larger part of my life over the past year. This has been a selfish pleasure for me as I feel in some way that I am making a small difference in the world. “

A “selfish pleasure”?

Mother Theresa, get OVER yourself.

You know, you could just say “I like to volunteer”.

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I’m not into head games or drama, so please move on to the next profile if you are! “

I’m moving on..but not because I”m into head games or drama.

But because this is the shittiest most negative first sentence in a dating ad I’ve ever read.

By the way, carry baggage, much?

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“Being healthy is importan to me. This does not mean that I will not dive into a bowl of my favorite ice cream once in a while, it means that I have choices and often I realize that it is a good choice to eat smarter and exercise regularily.”

Ahh…a nutrition lesson.

That’s EXACTLY the type of turn-on that us guys look for in these ads.

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“I’m a 39 yo woman who knows want and doesn’t want in life Not much into conventionnal sport.My sport that i.m involved in is balooning(hot air ballooon). I love being in nature to resource myself and relaxing.”

I’m a 47 yo old man who doesn’t know WTF you’re talking about.

If English is not your first language, I suggest you have a friend help you write your ad.

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“My ideal match would be some one who cares about me for me.  Not looking for ANY THING THEY CAN;T OFFER THATS OK NO PRESSURE.”

Wow…I already feel like I’ve gotten in shit with you, and we haven’t even gone on a first date yet.

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“My idea match is someone looking to have a realationship with no head games and no dishonesty.”

That’s a wonderful outlook.    Keep reaching for the stars.  Don’t settle for second-best.   And you’ll find your idea soul-mate in no time!

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10 Comments on “Excerpts from On-Line Dating Ads That Make Thank My Lucky Stars That I’m still SIngle”

  1. oldandfuzzy Says:

    LOL, you could always peruse the Casual Encounters section on Craig’s List – at least they get straight to the point without the “head games” or “drama” or the desire for a “true love relationship that communicates at a deep level.”

    – not saying it won’t involve their cat…

  2. Cath Lawson Says:

    ROTFL – You have got to collect some more of these and put them in a book. 🙂

  3. Mike Says:

    My mind is numb after just reading these few. Such a wide variety of choices. 😉

  4. Friar Says:

    @oldandfuzzy

    I’ve seen Craiglist “Casual Encouters”.

    They make these ads look like pure-gold marriage material!

    @Cath
    But it would only contain half the ads (women looking for men). Someone else (not me) would have to check out men looking for women, to give equal time, to show how stupid both genders can be.

    @Mike
    I envy married people…who can look at these ads and sigh “Thank GOD I dont’ have to go through that again!”

  5. Mike Says:

    I guess I never really had to go through “that.” (Short version) I met Karen at a 1972 USO dance in Milwaukee and we were married 7 weeks later.

  6. Friar Says:

    Wow…love at first sight. That doesn’t happen too often. Sounds like you won the lottery meeting your wife. 🙂


  7. What I don’t like is that you have to pay for match or eHarmony. Online Dating should be 100 % free. The few free dating sites are full of players though, no one seems to want something serious.

    The only free dating site with serious singles I found was on Have you tried TheDatingElement.com?

    It is a 100 % Free Dating Website made for serious singles worldwide.

  8. Friar Says:

    @tara

    I’m only on Match.com for now..because they allow you to look without posting a profile of your own.

    I suppose of I want to take the next step, I can pay through my nose. Or check out the dating element like you say.

  9. Opal Says:

    Too funny… from a female perspective, I remember some of the male dating ads being just as bad.

    At times, I wondered if they were on something when the created their personal ad? I haven’t looked at those ads in years, so thanks for the laugh. 😉

  10. Friar Says:

    @Opal

    Yeah, I can just imagine what the guy’s ads might be like. They gotta be at least as stupid, if not more. 🙂


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