Friar’s Christmas Wishes

Forget world peace.

Here’s what I’d like to see for Christmas 2011.

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a

All the fruitcake on the planet will be loaded onto one huge rocket, and launched into the sun.

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It’ll be against the law to give clothes as gifts to any kid under 10.

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A

The Turkey Stuffing Fairy will see to it that turkey stuffing everywhere will be raisin-free.

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x

Charlie Brown will finally stop taking crap from Lucy.

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The Abominable Snow-Monster will get to keep all this teeth, this time.

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Children’s Aid will get involved, and see to it that those poor Frosty kids have decent winter clothes, for a change.

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5 Comments on “Friar’s Christmas Wishes”

  1. Vered Says:

    I’m so with you on the raisin-free turkey stuffing.

  2. Dave Says:

    Aren’t you at all worried that if all the fruitcake was fired into the sun the increase in mass might trigger a black hole and end the galaxy.

  3. carmen Says:

    Hysterical. Especially the frosty kids! Can we have the fruitcakes shipped to my house instead of to the sun? Yup. I am that 1 percent of population that actually loves fruitcake. Merry Christmas!

  4. Dot Says:

    Raisins? I never had stuffing with raisins. It just doesn’t seem right. And wasn’t it supposed to be such a warm day that day that Frosty melted? All these made me laugh, especially the gift police.

  5. Friar Says:

    @Vered
    I know…they’re VILE, aren’t they?

    @Dave
    As long as the mass of the sun and fruitcake don’t exceed 1.4 solar masses, which is the Chandreshakar Limit, below which black holes can’t form.

    @Carmen
    You and my Mom, both. (Bleah!)

    @Dot
    That Frosty thing has always been a pet peeve of mine. After this blog post, I have closure.


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