Friar’s Christmas Wishes

Forget world peace.

Here’s what I’d like to see for Christmas 2011.



All the fruitcake on the planet will be loaded onto one huge rocket, and launched into the sun.



It’ll be against the law to give clothes as gifts to any kid under 10.



The Turkey Stuffing Fairy will see to it that turkey stuffing everywhere will be raisin-free.



Charlie Brown will finally stop taking crap from Lucy.



The Abominable Snow-Monster will get to keep all this teeth, this time.



Children’s Aid will get involved, and see to it that those poor Frosty kids have decent winter clothes, for a change.

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5 Comments on “Friar’s Christmas Wishes”

  1. Vered Says:

    I’m so with you on the raisin-free turkey stuffing.

  2. Dave Says:

    Aren’t you at all worried that if all the fruitcake was fired into the sun the increase in mass might trigger a black hole and end the galaxy.

  3. carmen Says:

    Hysterical. Especially the frosty kids! Can we have the fruitcakes shipped to my house instead of to the sun? Yup. I am that 1 percent of population that actually loves fruitcake. Merry Christmas!

  4. Dot Says:

    Raisins? I never had stuffing with raisins. It just doesn’t seem right. And wasn’t it supposed to be such a warm day that day that Frosty melted? All these made me laugh, especially the gift police.

  5. Friar Says:

    I know…they’re VILE, aren’t they?

    As long as the mass of the sun and fruitcake don’t exceed 1.4 solar masses, which is the Chandreshakar Limit, below which black holes can’t form.

    You and my Mom, both. (Bleah!)

    That Frosty thing has always been a pet peeve of mine. After this blog post, I have closure.

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