Posted tagged ‘American Pickers’

Reality TV: Same Old Crappy Junk

April 27, 2013

Pawn Stars

  • Customers bring in their crappy old junk to sell.
  • Pawnbroker brings in an expert to tell everyone what the crappy old junk  is worth.
  • Customers ask the retail price for the crappy old junk.
  • Pawnbroker offers back 40% of the retail price.
  • Eventually everyone agrees on 60% of the retail price.


Cajun Pawnstars

  • Just like Pawn Stars, but in Louisiana.  Therefore  you need subtitles to understand the show.


Pawnathon Canada

  • Just like Pawn Stars or Cajun Pawn Stars, only Canadian and therefore more polite.


Hardcore Pawn

  • Like Pawn Stars or Cajun Pawn Stars, but  in inner-city Detroit, with more fist-fights.  About as opposite of Pawnathon Canada as you can get.


American Pickers

  • Just like the Pawnbroker shows, except the pickers drive to peoples houses to buy their old crappy junk, instead of the people bringing their old crappy junk to sell the pickers. s.


Canadian Pickers

  • Just like American Pickers,  only Canadian.   And therefore more  boring.


Toy Hunter

  • Just like American Pickers, except they buy crappy old toys instead of crappy old junk.


American Restoration

  • Rich customers brings their crappy old junk to the shop.
  • Restorers take apart the crappy old junk and sand-blast it and repaint it.
  • Restoreres put the crappy old junk back together, which is no longer crappy and old, but is now shiny and new.
  • Restorers sell the shiny and new restored crappy old junk back to the rich customer, who will now pay $10,000 for it.


Counting Cars

  • Just like American Restoration,  except they restore crappy old cars, instead of old crappy junk.


Storage Wars

  • Vultures buy old crappy junk that other unfortunate people have abandoned in storage lockers
  • Vultures bring their new-found crappy old junk to specialty shops to find out what it’s worth.
  • The show ends,  listing what the vultures’s profit margin is on their crappy old junk.
  • No indication is ever given, however, if the vultures actually sold any of this crappy old junk.


Storage Wars Texas
Just like Stores Wars, but with cowboy hats and fatter people.


Stars Wars New York

  • Just like Storage Wars, but in New York.    A wannabee show that never quite caught on.


Storage Battles

  • Just like Storage Wars, but with more white-trash and fist fights.


Auction Hunters

  • An auction house  selling all the crappy old junk that’s been picked and restored.



  • People with OCD, who’s  houses full of crappy old junk that’s too crappy for even the pickers and pawnbrokers and restorers to touch.
  • Kind of like American pickers, but with more cat urine and rat feces.