Posted tagged ‘dating’

Yet More Examples of On-Line Dating Ads That Make Me Thank My Lucky Stars that I’m Still Single.

January 25, 2012

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“I WANT HIM TO BE MY BESTFRIEND AND MY LIFETIME PARTNER.NO HIDING SECRETS AND WANT HIM TO BE HONEST AND SO DO I AND I WANT HIM FOR SURE FROM THE PLACE I LIKE BASICALLY FROM OREGON. HOPE TO MEET YOU SOON….I am waiting for you…..”

Okay…okay! ¬†We get it.

YOU WANT HIM !!!!

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“Find the poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer: The Invitation ….. it gives me peace and breath – If you cannot find it .. ask me .. I will be happy to send it to you ūüôā “

Umm…no.

That’s okay. I”ll pass.

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“LOVETOLAUGH6999”

Er…interesting choice of numbers.

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“I LIKE BEING ADVENTOURIS,AND LIKE TRYING NEW THINGS AND SEEING NEW THINGS.”

I like your capitals.

I like that you like new things.

And I like your very original spelling of “adventurous”.

I must admit, in all my years, I’ve never seen it written that way.

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You really gotta love the ads where they include photos of their tats.

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“I’m not into head games or drama, so please move on to the next profile if you are! “

Damn! You caught on to me….!

Because that’s what us guys do…

We go out of our way to sign up for on-line dating sites and answer ads, just to deliberately play head games with the ladies, so we can make BOTH our lives miserable.

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“I’m most grateful for the relationship I had with my step father and the time I had with him before he died. “

Just wondering…WHY would this be the FIRST SENTENCE you’d write in your dating ad?

Carry baggage, much?

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“I’m intelligent, self-aware…”

Oh, Great.

A date with SKY-NET.

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“I don’t like to play mind-game. I believes that people who is game player like to play game. It is Out of Respect to the person.”

Uh…yes. People who “is game player” usually like to play games.

By definition.

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“Life and love can be pretty overwhelming but you don’t scare easily. Instead, at those times, you look to the Lord and realize that, “(He has) not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Most importantly, you MUST have a genuine relationship with Christ – not just one you talk about, but one that you live and can share with anyone, especially with me. “

Wow…when you already start preaching that much in your dating ad, I can just imagine how much fun you’d be in real life.

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“I enjoy learning about different cultures;whether it be in historical literature or travelling to different countries, viewing the ancient architecture and discovering my own insignificance in the grand scheme. “

Well, you go on to learn about ancient architecture and your own insignificance.

In the grand scheme, I’m going to choose to ignore your ad.

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“About him: …He is a family man and sees his unborn children in my eyes… “

Lady, I don’t see ANY unborn children in ANYONE’s eyes, just yet.

At least, not before the first date.

And probably not the 2nd or 3rd either….

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“I have Cats. I like Dogs, Horses. I own 1 cat who is 19 yrs and has kidney disease. “

Boggles my mind, why they’d enter that last comment about their sick cat.

Unless they’re also trying to attract cat-haters…

…to let them know that Kitty will be gone soon.

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“Mixed media artist. I work in a stimulating and creative environment and embrace with ingenuity and courage the eye opening practicalities of life. “

“Ingenuity” and “courage” ?

Geezus, get OVER yourself, lady.

I’m a bit of an artist too.

But mainly, because I like to paint.

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“I accept other people and their ways of thinking and believing because no one person truly changes. I am open to listening to new and different ideas, or at least to take it in and if not, I’ll let it go. I am neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle. Also known as easy going, independant, and open to what the future has to offer. “

I neither like nor hate this ad.

Or maybe not.

It all depends, on what the future has to offer.

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“Friendly respect thoughtful love to laugh honest understanding caring trustworthy one man woman love nature Love God and a hard working woman. looking for a serious relationship and shared the same quality that leads to marriage if all goes well.”

I always get thrown off when they have to mention God, within the first couple of sentences.

I’m not trying to be saved at this moment.

I’m just looking for a first date.

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“The simplest way I can describe my outlook on life is by sharing my favourite quote….. Life is not measured by the breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away. “

Oh, for crying out loud. Stop relying on quotes from dead people.

Take the time to describe yourself in your own words.

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“He has depth, and a great sense of humor. Someone who is honest and keeps it real, no games, no lies, no drama.”

I like how these ads constantly mention that they’re not into head games and lies and drama.

As if there are some people who enjoy this stuff.

Don’t forget to add: “I’m not into having a 10-inch spike nailed into my forehead, being bitten poisonous snakes, and being on fire”.

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“must be a gentle good hearted all the above well dressed smart love camping im a devoted person who i will with like the same thing or maybe a littke more than me im a honest type of preson like to try anything with reason at least once will try to do what the other person like”

Another English Major, here.

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“I’m a very affectioned, fun, loving, carin, honest person. I looking for a one on one, lasting relationship…my soul mate an friend…some one who can laugh together….communication is the key to a good relationship”

If this ad was from a new-comer to this country, I could almost excuse the poor English.

But, according to their profile, they were born and raised in Canada.

Wow.

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“If you are a big pet or animal person that might be OK but I should warn you I am not like that. I will respect your animal, because of course they are far more lovable than humans, but I probably won’t find your pet very interesting and that might annoy you over time. “

I’m already annoyed, and I don’t even own a pet.

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Okay. ¬†You’re proud of your cleavage.

We GET it.

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“I am looking for a romantic at heart, a big old softie; I promise I won‚Äôt tell your guy friends, if you end up crying at a chick flick. :)”

Lady, if I would ever cry at a chick flick, it’s because I’d have just wasted 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back. Not to mention having blown ten bucks.

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Excerpts from On-Line Dating Ads That Make Thank My Lucky Stars That I’m still SIngle

December 1, 2011

“I wish to live a true love relationship with all its joys and its challenges, and feel the openness of my partner’s heart… Being able to communicate at a deep level who we are, where we’re at and how we feel, and be received and understood. “

Oh..Geez. You’re not one of those women who are constantly asking “Tell me what you’re thinking about right now.”….are you?

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“My cat Cashemere, is all white with pink ears, and he is very good boy; I love him and he welcomes me home when I open the door; he brings a smile on my face at all times. I hope to meet that kind man who would love Cashemere as well. “

Hmm…sounds like a match. When is Cashmere available to go out on a date?

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“i amromantic and passioni believe on honesty and like everyone have days and bad but i love to talk about that too the is more about me to find out in time i am looking for a honestand loving man who enjoys roamnce and dancing movies and so muct iwould likre the man to know that we can talk about anyhing and yes he has to believe in family value . i am looking for a man that enjoy;s life.”

Finally! A passioni woman who enjoys roamnce and dancing movies. And who believes in family value.

And I like the way she replaces periods with i’s.

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“Moderately tattooed redhead with a passion for health and wellness and arts and culture…”

Ummm…define “moderately tattooed”.

Because by today’s standards, that might mean you only still have your eyelids intact.

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“YES im looking for man that he is nice,understand ,loving humble,caring a good relation with the lord and he good job and sweet prson. And i want that he is resposeble man and i want he is also good to my friend and families ,and most specially hard working . “

This look good match. I am man is nice and I good job. Also caring with the lord.

And you can ask my friends….I am a VERY resposeble person.

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“will what i am looking for my partner or ideal man in life is hes honest from head to foot to me if i accept you as you are just because of your not just because your good looking and good talking”

Good Lord. I think my brain just burst a blood vessel trying to read this sentence.

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“I truly believe: Laughter is the best medicine. Good things come to those who wait.
There is a lesson in everything that happens and everything happens for a reason.
The only thing in life that is constant is change. Good things come in small packages ‚Äď like me!!! “

Ah, I see you must have taken that night class in “Hackneyed Cliches 101”

PS. No offense, but based on your photo, I would not exactly say you come in a “small” package.

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“I work in the fitness and hospitality industries so I feel that I do have my fingers on the pulse of the mainstream. Not sure if that’s such a good thing, but I digress….”

I’m not sure if that’s such a good thing either. ¬†Or a bad thing. ¬†In fact, I’m not sure what the heck you’re talking about, period.

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“I am grateful to have a lots of friend and to go shopping with them.”

Like, you know…even if you’re like, 48, ¬†like your ad says, it’s always, like, cool to go to the mall with your friends and shop.

And, like, OMG, there’s a sale on at the Gap today. I am SO there!

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“…Watching movies, sports, going to see my Dad in Niagara (oh ya, a car is a must).”

Let me get this straight.

You basically want me to play chauffeur, so we can go visit your DAD?

(Oh, be still my beating heart!)

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“Hi, ¬†I can describe myself as a good looking single female that doesn’t put so much emphasis on people’s looks but what comes with it…”

Then why did you write that you were good-looking, in your first sentence?

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Listed under “For Fun”: ¬†“Christian girl who loves God passionately! Serving Him is my # 1 priority.”

That’s what you honestly put down, what you like to do for FUN?

REALLY?

Well, at least that helps explain why you’re still single.

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“looking to meet new people …and maybe a long lasting relation ..long term.. loser stay away and liers to…”

Good thing she provides this warning.   Because I can just picture it:  hundreds men, on the verge of responding to this ad, and asking themselves:

“Am I a loser? Hmmm….wait…OMG! Yes I am! And she told me to stay away! Phew! That was close! ¬† Good thing I caught myself on time and didn’t answer back!”

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“I am a good listener..and find myself providing counsel and advice even to my ex’s on occasion…true! “

Just a suggestion. But maybe if you listened a little bit LESS…and stopped being a therapist to your exes, it might help your dating situation and you wouldn’t have to post ads here.

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” I love paintings-my favourite painter is Marc Chagall; reading books on Jewish Mysticism-Abraham Heschel and Martin Buber and Eastern Mysticsm; ‘seeing tons of sensitive movies- The Thin Red Line, Sophie’s Choice, Never Cry Wolf, Dr.Zhivago; meditative music-Enya, Bjork, Philip Glass, Yo Yo Ma, but also blues music-Stevie Ray Vaughn”

WOW.  Ms. Perfesser.

As for me, I like to watch SpongeBob

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“I am faithful and loyal to partners who supply lots of emotional and finacial security, sexual diversity and intellecutal challenge”

Well, we’re in luck, then. Because my finacial investments are sound, and I consider myself quite the intellecutal.

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“Volunteering has become a larger part of my life over the past year. This has been a selfish pleasure for me as I feel in some way that I am making a small difference in the world. “

A “selfish pleasure”?

Mother Theresa, get OVER yourself.

You know, you could just say “I like to volunteer”.

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I’m not into head games or drama, so please move on to the next profile if you are! “

I’m moving on..but not because I”m into head games or drama.

But because this is the shittiest most negative first sentence in a dating ad I’ve ever read.

By the way, carry baggage, much?

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“Being healthy is importan to me. This does not mean that I will not dive into a bowl of my favorite ice cream once in a while, it means that I have choices and often I realize that it is a good choice to eat smarter and exercise regularily.”

Ahh…a nutrition lesson.

That’s EXACTLY the type of turn-on that us guys look for in these ads.

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“I’m a 39 yo woman who knows want and doesn’t want in life Not much into conventionnal sport.My sport that i.m involved in is balooning(hot air ballooon). I love being in nature to resource myself and relaxing.”

I’m a 47 yo old man who doesn’t know WTF you’re talking about.

If English is not your first language, I suggest you have a friend help you write your ad.

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“My ideal match would be some one who cares about me for me. ¬†Not looking for ANY THING THEY CAN;T OFFER THATS OK NO PRESSURE.”

Wow…I already feel like I’ve gotten in shit with you, and we haven’t even gone on a first date yet.

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“My idea match is someone looking to have a realationship with no head games and no dishonesty.”

That’s a wonderful outlook. ¬† ¬†Keep reaching for the stars. ¬†Don’t settle for second-best. ¬† And you’ll find your idea soul-mate in no time!

The Advantages of Being Fat

December 3, 2009

Big strength often comes with big size.   You can open up jars of pickles and move heavy furniture without having to ask for help.

You hardly ever feel cold, so you’ll save on heating fuel in the winter.

Nobody enjoys a good steak or pizza like you do.   Nobody.

Thin people are rarely considered “cuddly”.

When you hug someone, you REALLY HUG them.

You don’t make insensitive comments about the physical appearance of others, because you know what that feels like from first-hand experience.

You really get your money’s worth at all-you-can-eat buffets.

Unlike the Silicone-Barbie-Dools or Bowflex Douchebags, you’ve actually had to develop a personality to attract the opposite sex.

Next time some skinny jerk pokes fun at you at the gym,  ask them how much they can bench press.   And then go lift double that.

Pretend to be clueless about about the health problems associated with obesity, and watch some Righteous Do-Gooder talk themselves blue in the face trying to “educate”¬† you.

You have enough reserves on you to survive a violent stomach flu that would put most people in the hospital.

No expensive search and rescue teams will ever have to risk their lives bringing you off Mt. Everest.

At least you’re not judged as harshly as smokers are (…yet).

You never suffer from food-martyrdom. (“Oooh, I shouldn’t have eaten the piece of chocolate!”)

Kids never have to worry about getting bruised by pelvic bones when they sit on your lap, like they do with Great-Aunt Edna.

If you’ve hooked up with hot babe or hot guy, there’s a good chance they truly like you for who you are.¬† (Unless you’re like rich or something).

You can eat what you want, when you want.¬† (Which is probably why you’ve gotten to where you are, in the first place).

You can write posts like this and get away with it.

After the Apocalypse, when civilization goes to hell in a handbasket, everyone else will starve to death, and you’ll inherit the Earth.

Ramblings of a Cynical Bachelor: Top Reaons Why I’m still Single.

November 18, 2009

Wish I had a nickel every time someone (usually a married woman) tells me:

“It’s about time you settled down and found a woman!¬†¬† Why are you still single?”

(Yes, JOIN us, Friar.¬†¬† You can’t possibly be happy, being alone?¬†¬† Become assimilated!¬† Be ONE with the Collective!)

Well, there are plenty of good reasons why I’m still single, and I get tired of explaining my situation to all the breeding-couples.

So, in the interest of simplifying things, I’ll just list them there.

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1. Standing There and Breathing
This is all any woman who’s even remotely attractive has to do, and guys will flock to her in droves. ¬† And they’ll keep hitting on her until she eventually agrees to date one of them.

Therefore, the changes of any remotely-attractive women being available are extremely slim.
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2. The Impossible Window of Opportunity
There’s often an extremely short time between someone getting over their break-up, and starting up a serious relationship again.¬†¬† It’s sometimes measured in nanoseconds.

Though typically, the interval might be as long as a couple of months, where I could conceivably ask that someone out before they’re taken again.

But God forbid, if I miss that window by even a few weeks, I’m S.O.L.
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3.  Reverse Attraction
Okay..say the stars are aligned, and I do manage to hit that rare time when I can can ask someone out…

Well, she’d still have to like me enough to say “Yes”.

(And that, my friends, is whole other ball-game.)
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4. Pete Rose
The only available women I’ve been introduced to look like him.

(Look, I’m not so shallow that I’ll only go out with a Silicone Barbie Doll).

But is it too much to ask that a potential date NOT be mistaken for a DUDE?
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5. Red Meat
I like it too much to give up, which only reduces my odds of finding someone.

Because now I’m incompatible with a significant portion of the planet who are plant-eaters.
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6.  Kitty-Cats
Single women tend to have them.¬†¬† But I’m horribly, horribly allergic.¬†¬† Thus further reducing my odds.

Thanks, Kitty.

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7. Caveat Emptor
At my age (40-something),  someone has typically been on the market for 20 years.

So it makes me ask, if someone is still available after all that time..WHY?

Now, before everyone screams at me, yes, I realize this also applies to myself!¬†¬† (But that doesn’t help the situation, it only makes it more difficult. )

It’s like that great house down the street for sale, that nobody wants to buy.

Because there’s probably an ancient Indian burial ground in the basement, or something.
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8.  Céline Dion
Too many women love this caterwauling diva, and chances are I’ll meet one of them.

And when she starts playing one of C√©line’s CD’s,¬† I’ll forget to bite my tongue and I’ll say what I really think.

And it will be game over.
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9,  Oprah
See Céline.

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10.  Instant Dad
(Or, if you live where I do,  Instant Grand-Dad).

Call me a heretic, but not all of us are exactly thrilled at the prospect of going from zero to sixty, in five seconds.

Of course, all kinds of people tell me it’s not that bad, marrying into a family with grown kids.

But I can’t help but notice, they’re the ones who’ve already had the kids in the first place.
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11.  Toilet Seats
Up or down, I don’t care.¬†¬† I always check before I sit, and I have no pity for people who fall in, who don’t.

And this alone, for many women, is justifiable homicide.
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12. Deadbeat Dads
Seriously, once I had someone bring this up within the first 5 minutes of conversation.  She went on about how her no-good ex husband was behind on child-support payments.

(Lady, if  you were  trying to make me run for the hills, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!)

Look, I’m just trying to get to know you.¬†¬† I’m not quite ready to help pay for your teenagers’ college tuition.
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12. Screaming Free-Range Hippie Children
Lots of people I know have them.¬†¬†¬† All I have to do is visit for a weekend, and its’ like an inoculation.

I’m then immunized, and want nothing to do with pair-bonding and reproducing for the next 6 months.

(And I’m thankful for that).
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13.  SpongeBob Square Pants
I like to watch him.¬† But if was in a relationship, I’d probably get in shit for it, for being immature.

Then I’d be forced to watch something lame-ass like “So you think you can Yoga”.

And then I’d have to gouge my eyes out.
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14.  The Granola-Mother Anti-Friar Sisterhood Movement
Who will no doubt be brandishing pitchforks and torches after reading this post.

Not to mention, warning the entire female population to stay away the hell away from me.

How I Divorced my Old Ski Boots, and Found a New Sole-Mate

February 6, 2009

mikes-boots-2

 

See these ski boots?¬† They’re mine.¬†¬† We’ve been together for three years.

They’re not the prettiest boots in the world.¬†¬† They’re not always the most comfortable.¬†¬† And they leak water, despite the duct-tape.¬†

But they’re mine.¬†¬† We’ve been through a lot together.¬†¬† And I wouldn’t¬†trade them for any other boots¬†in the world.¬†¬†

This isn’t my first long-term relationship with a pair of ski boots.¬†¬† Back in the late 80’s, I was married to another pair, and we were together for almost 10 years.¬†¬†

 Those old boots kept my feet dry and warm.  They nurtured me and provided support when I needed it.    They helped me negotiate all kind of peaks and valleys, under all kinds of conditions.

We were a perfect fit.  I loved those old boots.   Ah, those were the salad days.

But then things CHANGED.

Maybe it was me.  Maybe my arches flattened.   Or maybe it was the boots.  Maybe the plastic shell stopped being flexible, or the inner lining lost its support.  

Looking back now,¬†¬†it really doesn’t matter WHO was at fault.¬† But¬†things had changed.¬†¬† We were no longer compatible.¬†¬† My feet started to cramp.¬†¬† And it started to affect my skiing.

I tried everything.  I tried to control the boots, buckling them up really tight.   I unbuckled them totally, giving them free reign.   I tried extra socks.  I tried no socks at all.   I tried removing the in-sole.  But nothing worked.  

My feet continued to cramp like burning fire.¬† I’d almost be in tears at the end of a ski run.¬†¬† There were times I just needed to get away…and I’d take the boots off on the bottom of the ski hill,¬† and literally stand barefoot in the snow to ease my pain.

What do you WANT from ME!?“, I’d yell out.¬†

But the boots wouldn’t answer.¬†¬† They just continued their silent torment.¬†¬†

God, I hated them.

In hindsight,   I realize I was in denial.  This was an abusive relationship, and I needed to get out.  

¬†I don’t ¬†know why I waited so long to leave.¬†¬† Perhaps it the fear of financial risk¬† (could I afford a new pair?).¬†¬† Or fear of the unknown (what if I can’t find another pair?).¬†

But leave, I finally did.    I got a divorce.  

The ski seasons that followed were a bit difficult.¬†¬† I had a short-term¬†relationship with someone else’s divorced boots.¬† They were adequate…they fulfilled my needs to some extent.¬† But they weren’t MY boots.¬†¬†¬†There was just too much baggage,¬† and ¬†I just didnt’ feel the connection.¬†¬†

Then, a few years ago, I decided to start dating again.   I went to a few ski shops and tried on different pairs.

Some boots where homely and plain.   Some were all glitz and chrome, but had no substance.    Some were out of my league.    Nothing seemed to click.   I was resigned to being an unhappy bootless skier.

But one day, I tried a dating service.  A ski shop technician introduced me to my sole-mate.

It¬†wasn’t necessarily love at first sight.¬†¬† The new boots and I went out for a while, to see how it would work out.¬†¬†¬†I wore them for a few hours in¬†the store.¬† We spent a weekend together, when I brought them home to wear around the house.¬†¬†

There didn’t seem to be any problems, so I took the plunge and ¬†made the final commitment.¬† I shelled out $600 and once again, I was married to a pair of boots.¬†¬†

Not that things have  always been perfect.   Especially in the first year we were together.    When I took them to the ski hill, I still had cramps.    But this being my 2nd marriage, I was a bit older and wiser, and had learned from my previous mistakes.  

We went to counselling.¬†¬† The ski-shop technician popped out some of the plastic to make more room for my feet.¬† I shelled out $100 for fancy arch supports, even though they didnt’ work.¬†¬†¬†

We went back for more counselling.¬†¬† More therapy.¬† I learned which socks worked, and which didn’t.¬† Which buckles had to be kept loose, which ones had to be tightened.

Then there was some water leakage, but I learned to accept it.¬†¬†¬† I couldn’t force the boots to be what they weren’t.¬†¬† Some things are more important, like both of us accepting and being comfortable with each other.

After lots of trial and error, and a bit of compromise from both of us,¬† I’m happy to report that this relationship is working.¬†¬† I’m back to enjoying my skiing again, like I used to in the old days.¬† ¬†Thanks to my new boots.

Ah, yes.  My new boots.

Thank you for being YOU.

I’m in it for the long haul, this time.

I hope you’re the last pair I ever own.

Stupidest Reasons I’ve Been Told Why I Should Get a Girlfriend

May 19, 2008

If you don’t get a girlfriend soon, people will start thinking that you’re gay

Oh, then by all means, I’ll start a relationship for JUST¬†that reason.¬† Because God Forbid should people start second-guessing my heterosexuality.¬†¬† I better make sure I’m seen with a woman so that the rest of the world can relax!¬†

¬†You should ask so-and-so out….she’s single

When you’re in your 20’s, your friends tell you¬†“You should ask so-and-so out,¬†because she likes you and I think¬†you guys would¬†get along”.¬†

But when you’re in your 40’s…the consensus seems to be that you should ask someone out, based on the default that they’re¬†available.¬†¬†

Sorry, if I’m going to ask someone out, I need a better reason than this.

¬†You just bought a house…now it’s about time¬†you settled down, got a woman and raised some kids

Gee, I never realized the Splat Creek City By-laws stipulated getting a house was an official prerequisite to a marriage licence.  Mabye I should have bought a house sooner then, eh? 

I don’t understand why so many people are stuck on the broken-record¬†pattern of school-bachelorhood-house-marriage-kids.¬†¬†Nobody is required to do anything in any specific order.¬†¬†Not all of us are geared the same way.¬†¬†¬†¬†

 Of course, you gotta have kids.  What do you think God put you here on earth for?

Talk about insensitive.  How do they know I (or anyone else they might say this to) might not even be able to have kids?  

And, um…what makes THEM¬†the expert on¬†what God intended for me?¬†¬†

According the them,¬†¬†I better¬†find a wife and procreate right NOW.¬† Not¬†because I want to, not because I’m ready to, but¬†because the Big Man Upstairs is¬†going to kick my butt if I don’t.¬†¬† Sheesh!

 You should ask Claire Chaffington* out

(*not her real name)

There’s something about married women¬†that they don’t like to see¬†other men¬†remain single.¬† ( I suspect it’s¬†because they’re afraid we might corrupt their hen-pecked husbands).¬†¬† You can really sense their unspoken¬†attitude:¬†¬†single people¬†cannot possibly be happy.¬† Therefore, it’s their duty to make sure we¬†become assimilated by the Borg.

Come, Friar.¬† Come join the Collective.¬†¬† Be like us….

A few years ago, when I started a new job, two married women started dropping hints that I should ask out Claire Chaffington. 

She’s single, she has a house, she likes the outdoors, etc.¬†¬† You should ask her out, Friar.

I just politely nodded my head, and said I’ll think about it, and¬†tactfully brushed them off.¬†

You see, Claire Chaffington looks like a dude.  (Plus she has all of the fire-ball personality of a damp dishrag.)  

Don’t get me wrong.¬†¬†I’m not totally shallow that I need a¬†perfect-ten barbie-doll girfriend.¬†¬†But can I at least rate¬†a TWO?¬†

C’mon!¬† There has to be at least SOME kind of chemistry.¬†¬†I don’t¬†want to feel like I”m dating my brother.

What’s funny about this story is that¬†almost two years later,¬†in a totally different building,¬†another¬†admin. assistant who¬†I never met tried to pull the same stunt.¬†¬†I had only stopped by the office to drop off some papers, but within 10 minutes, she learned I was single and she¬†suggested¬†I might like to meet one of her friends.¬†

This woman is single, she has a house, she likes the outdoors, etc.   Would you like her phone number?

Uh, oh.¬† This sounds too good to be true.¬† What’s the catch?¬†¬† But I was polite and said sure, give me her number.

When I read the name on the slip of paper, I saw in big letters:  CLAIRE CHAFFINGTON!

Oh for CRYING OUT LOUD?!!  What is this..a CONSPIRACY?   Does this Claire person recruit armies of married women around town so that they can try to hook her up? 

Welcome to single life in a small town. 

(Hmm….being a bachelor¬†ain’t so bad, when you¬†think about it.)