Posted tagged ‘Happy Days’

What Retro TV has Taught Me

April 29, 2010


Bus drivers were paid shit.
Look at that dump Ralph Kramden lived in.    That musta been in pre-union days.


People didnt’ know how to relax back then.
Dads wore their suits and ties after work, all through dinner until bed time.    Sheesh..unbutton your collar, at least.


If women played their cards right, they didn’t have to do jack-squat.
Look at Carol Brady.   WTF did she DO?   Her kids were mostly grown up.   She didn’t have a job.  She didn’t volunteer.   And she had a housekeeper who did all the cooking and cleaning, for Chrissakes!

Boy, she sure won the lottery, marrying Mike Brady.  Either that, or she was really good in bed.


The 1970’s were a BAD decade.
Bad hair.  Bad music.   Bad clothes.  Bad furniture.  Bad politics.   And really BAD sitcoms.

I just pray to God that perms don’t come back.  That’ all I ask.


Dads used to be smart.
Ward Cleaver.   Mike Brady.   Ozzie Nelson.  Father Knows Best.    Respected authority figures, adored by the whole family.

Unlike today’s fat, bumbling idiots, where “Daddy” is on the bottom of the family pecking order.  Right after the dog and the living room drapes.


We guys missed out on a good thing.
Unlike the Carol Bradys, many TV-housewives back then cooked 5 course meals, did all chores, and never asked hubby to help out around the house.  All while keeping fit and trim and looking great.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a wife like that.   Maybe it wouldn’t be all that great.   But part of me thinks it would be awesome.

But in today’s liberated society, I’ll never get to find out, will I?


The Superfriends weren’t too bright, they always had to explain things to themselves.
I swear, every 5th sentence on that show was someone who said they’ve “got to” do something.

“I’ve got to stop Lex Luthor before the village explodes”.   “We’ve got to find a way out of this cave”.  “Batman, you’ve got to keep your hands off Robin…”

I suppose the narration helps you follow the story…If you’re a moron, that is.


People back then would have a stroke if they heard today’s music.
In early 60’s shows (like the Beverly Hillbillies or the Munsters) there would often be episodes where Hippies would show up.  They’d say “Groovy Man” and dance to cheesy Rock’n Roll Music.  And the older crowd would be utterly SHOCKED, while the canned laughted yokked it up.

I can just imagine what these same folks would say, if they  heard contemporary Gangsta Hip-Hop screaming about ho’s.  Or saw a Death-Metal Rock concert with staged human sacrifices and crucifixions.


It’s not safe to go South of the Mason-Dixon Line.
Because I have images of a corrupt stupid sheriff stopping me for speeding, smashing my tail-light, and saying that will get me 30 days on the “county farm”, resulting in  car chase(s) and me ending up in jail with a backwoods Southuhn Lawyer to defend me.


High School Students were all 25 and over.
Look at the actors in Welcome Back Cotter or Happy Days.    Hell, their kids would have been old enough to be in High School.


We were much stupider back then.
I don’t understand how those old shows were funny.  Good Times, One Day at a Time, Alice, Happy Days (after Ron Howard left).  Nostalgia aside…if you watch those show now…Gawd, they’re so LAME.

Is THIS what people found genuinely funny?  Were people THAT stupid?

And I don’t buy the excuse that it was a simpler time back then, and people had different values.

Because comedy from the 30’s (like the Marx Brothers) still stands the test of time today.   Unlike the Retro TV crap that makes you want to gouge your eyes out.

I dunno..maybe people WERE that stupid.