Posted tagged ‘SEO’

Enhance Your Blog And Facebook Status With These Useful Icons

May 3, 2010

Use them for yourself, or give them to your friends.

Either way, I don’t care.   It’s all good.

Like I said before, it’s just electrons floating around the Internet.

Advertisements

Nominate your Friends for these Prestigious Awards!

October 9, 2009

Tired of seeing all those flashy icons on all those blogs, and you have no idea what they mean?

Feeling left out, because none of the Cool Kids nominated your blog for one of these virtual awards?

Well, fear not.   You can now fit right in, by using my custom-made decals right here.

Feel free to cut and paste them all over your blog as you see fit, so you can look cool too.

Or nominate your friends.

Or don’t do anything.

It’s all good.

(After all, isn’t it just electrons floating around the internet?)

Official Dick

Flavor of the Month

SM D-Bag

Loser Blog

D-Lister

Expert

Poop

Nano

Blogging for Nickels…

March 22, 2009

blog-nickel

I wish I had a nickel for every blog I read that…

…gives me a list of  “tips” on how I can improve my life.
Seems everyone’s an expert on the subject, except me.

…kicks me in the arse, because I haven’t self-actualized and fulfilled all my dreams yet.
(Because like I said, everyone’s an expert on how to run my own life, except me).   What they don’t mention is: it really helps to have a spouse or significant other who holds down a day job, allowing you to sit at home all day and blog.

…tells me how easy it is to make money blogging
Notice nobody ever says how MUCH money they make, or how many hours they have to put in to earn it?  (Methinks if it sounds too good to be true, it probably IS).

…posts a cutesy photo of their kids,
Which of course will trigger an avalanche of estrogen, as adoring moms come out of the woodwork, and gush over how adorable the little rug-rat is.

…is a link post
Always a sure winner, when someone doesn’t know what to write about on their own.

…cites a famous quote
Why do we constantly obsess over what everyone ELSE has said?    Can’t we think on our own?  Just because someone’s a millionaire, or a dead poet, doesn’t necessarily mean their word is as good as gold.  (How do we know these people didn’t beat their dog or were addicted to Meth or something?)

…states the blatantly obvious, and passes it off as wisdom
I really love it when bloggers feel they need to explain “No-Duh” things,  like “eating and sleeping properly is important”.  And then everyone else chimes in at how wonderful this new-found information is.

Thank you…(sob).  THANK YOU!

How did we EVER survive before Blogo-Land was around impart these pearls of wisdom to us?

What next? Remember to continue to keep breathing to sustain life?

…moves someone to tears
20 years ago, seems people only cried at weddings or funerals.   Nowadays, all it takes is for someone quote a few lines from a poem, and then WAAAHHH!  Watch the Kleenex fly!

If we ever had to fight the equivalent of World War II again, this time, I think we’d lose.

…mentions Twitter
It’s the latest Flavor-of-the-Month.   (Notice we hardly hear about S.E.O. anymore?)

…is Vegetarian
Aren’t there any Meat-Eaters anymore?

…tells me how to write, but never provides any actual examples.
God forbid, should we ever see an original short story or some poetry.

…blogs about how to blog.
Boy.  Talk about a self-fulfilling hobby.

…sells an E-book, which tells you how to make money by selling E-books
(Ponzi would be proud).

…encourages professional wannabees.
Sorry.  Just because you can string together 250 words on what the cat puked up for breakfast does not necessarily make you a WRITER.  Neither does posting lame-ass digital photographs make you a PHOTOGRAPHER.     (I think it takes a little bit more than that consider yourself a professional).

…takes itself way too seriously
Seems that for every funny blog, there’s about fifty that are not.   We’re so damned busy coaching and inspiring each other, we’ve forgotten our sense of humor.    We need to lighten up and LAUGH!  (Life’s too short!)

…bitched about other blogs, as much as The Deep Friar does.
😉

Quadrupling your Effectiveness with S.E.O.

February 7, 2009

If any of you Über-Bloggers out there expected this post to be about Search Engine Optimization, sorry to disappoint you.    I just wanted to see if adding “SEO” in the title could generate some more blog traffic. 

(Heh heh..ain’t I a stinker?)  🙂

But if you’re still interested in increasing your productivity and effectiveness, I suggest you my patented Friar-Brand of of S.E.O. :  

SKIING  and  EXERCISING OUTDOORS.!!

Seriously.   Unplug your computers.  Stop Twittering 9 hours a day.  Get OFF the G-damned grid.  

Just go OUTSIDE and SKI. 

Or if you don’t  ski,  just go OUTSIDE and do SOMETHING to get some fresh air!

It will make you feel better.  And you’ll be more effective.

I guar-ron-TEE it !

Anyway, enough with the BlogoLand Lessons.   Here are are some photos from MY recent SEO adventures:

 

****************************************************************************

This is the view just outside my window, at dawn.

sunrise-outside

 

Here’s Friar’s  Mom (the tiny red dot far, FAR below).   As usual, she’s waiting for me to catch up to her.  She KICKS my BUTT going down the slopes.  (Dammit.)

friars-mom-waiting

 

Going up the chairlift (reasonably steep, but not the hardest run there is).

chairlift

Here’s a black-diamond steep pitch.  The photo doesn’t really do it justice. steep-shit

Heading down…

waitin-on-the-pitch2

I love these majeestic spruce trees near the top. (This will be a watercolor painting in the near future).

top-of-chair

Finally, the sun setting over the Monashees at the end of a great day.

sunset-monashees

Limited Time Offer: Learn SEO with this Certified On-Line Blog Course

January 19, 2009

THE UNIVERSITY OF BLOGO-LAND

Proudly presents the

U.B.L. Certified Master’s Diploma

in Über-Blogging.

Taught by the Illustrious Dr. Friar.  (Ph.D, M.Sc, P.B.S, F.U.Bar, Ei-Ei-Oh)

Course Curriculum

Session 1

  • Self-Awareness 101:  Learn why your opinion is so God-damned important that the Blogosphere cannot possibly survive without you.
  • The Fundamentals of Food Martyrdom:   Laser-focusing your productivity by neglecting to to eat and sleep.
  • Smugness 101:   Why it’s not us, it’s the REST of the non-blogging world that doesn’t “get it”.
  • Nutrition Awareness:   Learn about the Four Basic Blogger Food Groups:  sugar, salt, caffeine, and fat.
  • Open Forum:  Should you really be reading 500 blogs a day?  (Damn right, you should!) We tell you why.


Sesssion 2

  • The joys of self-actualization:  Giving up that miserable 9-to-5 cubicle job, in exchange for a stress-free 85-hour workweek being your own boss.
  • Open Forum:    SEO.  How often should we mention it?  Every post?   Or every 2nd post?
  • Network Approach to Brown-Nosing: How to maximize your traffic by sucking up to the other Über-Bloggers
  • Overcoming Anxiety: That big yellow thing up in the sky.  It’s called THE SUN.  (Try to get out more.)
  • E-book Case Study:   How I earned $1200 in one night….then nothing for the next 28 months.

Session 3

  • Support Group:   Dealing with the guilt of missing  a post. (Paramedics available upon request.)
  • Addiction Counseling:   Twitter:  Is it the new Crack Cocaine?
  • Achieving Financial Independence:  Convincing your spouse to work full-time to support you, while you pull in a whopping four-figure salary.
  • Couples Counselling:  Do I want a relationship with my blog?   Should I break up?   Or should we just be good friends?
  • Advanced Navel-gazing:   Who are we?  Why do we blog?   How does this fit in with the Grand Unified Field Theory?
  • Video Demonstration:   Yoga techniques designed to get your head out of your arse (Prerequisite:  Advanced Navel Gazing).

Session 4

  • Vacation Tips:   Finding discount tickets to Lah-Lah Land, and staying there as long as necessary.
  • Open Forum Discussion:   Benfits/downfalls of wearing Depends.  (When is it okay to leave your computer to go to the bathroom?)
  • Filling the Void:   How to blog about blogging without actually writing anything of any substance.
  • Learning to prioritize.    Blogging.   Blogging.  Blogging.  And more blogging.
  • Intro to Divorce Law:  How to keep custody of your lap-top after your spouse leaves you for blogging too much.

*************************************

Note:  This course is available for a LIMITED TIME only.

The price today is $225.17.

But by NEXT FULL MOON, it will double triple quadrulple  to $900.68

So…

ACT NOW!

(ARRRRGH!!)

KIDS!!!   For the LOVE OF GOD…!

ACT NOW!

SIGN UP for Dr. Friar’s Course!

If you don’t, you’ll REGRET it for the REST of your God-Forsaken Miserable EXCUSE for A LIFE!

If you DON’T BELIEVE US, check out these ASTOUNDING Testimonials from ACTUAL written text!

“It was…er….interesting.”
Professor F. Meigh.   University of Uptown on the Chudleigh.

“Read this…and it will make you cry”
–   Oprah Mom

“That Dr. Friar.   That guy…what a character!”
– Ölaf ThuynderFrûcken

“After taking this course, I feel that it was money spent”
– Dick Weed

“…much more pleasant than sitting in a dentists’ chair, if they don’t use Novocain”.
– Fallopia M. Ornice.

The Amazing Friar’s Psychic Predictions for 2009

January 10, 2009

Hollywood will take an old comic strip or an old TV show, and it will be re-hashed into another tired old movie-remake.

Canadians will have one of the coldest winters in recent memory, and nobody will say anything. But there will a week-long heat wave in the summer, and all the Global Warming alarmists will suddenly start screaming.

There will be a Latest Gizmo (video game, cell phone, Ipod-thingy). Everyone will HAVE to have one, and they’ll be lining up outside stores overnight to get it. Six months later, the NEXT Latest Gizmo will come out, and the old Gizmo will be in the bargain bin at Wall-Mart.

“Twitter” will become obsolete, and will no longer be the “Cool Kids” blogging tool of choice. It will be replaced by something called “Tweedle” or “Twirtle”.

A hurricane will hit the Gulf Coast. A Fox News reporter will be out there, covering the event live, trying to talk to the camera in 90 mph horizontal winds.

A celebrity will say or do something really stupid, which will cause a scandal. North America will obsess on it for 2 weeks, and temporarily forget about the financial crisis or the problems in the Middle East.

Oprah may chose to invite said celebrity on her show, and publicly absolve them of their sins.

Even with Obama as the new president, half the planet will still still hate the U.S.

A blogger will write a touching post about their kids, causing a global estrogen-gush of joyful empathy from the Blogosphere.

More wind-farms will be built, thus reducing our dependence on non-renewable petroleum resources by 0.0001%

One of the Big Three auto makers will come up with a new Behemoth-SUV that gets 2 gallons per mile. Thus increasing our dependence on non-renewable petroleum resources by 5%.

A Newbie blogger will write a literary masterpiece and nobody will acknowledge it. A Cool Kid blogger will write about what jam they ate for breakfast  and they’ll get 1450 comments.

The goverment will implement a tax-cut to help quell the financial crisis. This will be the equivalent each family being able to afford one additional large pizza a month.

China will somehow find a way to screw-up yet another consumer product, and there will be massive re-calls. (Possibly lead-based lip-balm, or baby food containing ground glass).

Madonna will change her image once more, to keep distracting us from the fact that she has no talent.

Simon Cowell will make someone cry on Americian Idol.

The Deep Friar will continue to make smart-ass posts like this one. 😉