Posted tagged ‘viking’

Viking Technical Support

March 31, 2009

“By Odin!”, exclaimed Clöst Aerfrök, the Village Elder.

“My Magical Thinking-Box has ceased to work..the Seeing-Portal has gone a strange shade of blue.    What sort of trickery is this that Loki inflicts on us?

“How shall I be able to figure out the tide schedule, so we can know when to set sail to invade the Celts?  How shall I calculate how to distribute our plunder?    How shall I count the Lute-Fisk harvest?”

it-viking-11“This is a grave situation.    Here, young Apprentice…guard the Portal, until I summon the Viking Council.”


“Let ME help!…..” offered the Berserker, after Elder Clöst had left.


“No…wait!”, said the Apprentice.     But it was too late.

“NYARRGH!”, the Berserker screamed.

“That evil blue glow smells of DEATH!  I shall send these vile spirits back to the realm of Niflheim, from whence they came!”


Elder Clöst came back to find the Berserker standing in a pile of the broken pieces of the Magic Thinking-Box.

“HE did it..not ME!”, cried the Apprentice.


Idiots“, Clöst muttered under his breath.

“Sigh…very well.  What is done, is done.     Summon the Kilted Barefoot one…he will know what to do”.


The Kilted Barefoot one arrived, and assessed the carnage.

“Aye, the damage is great.  But all is not lost.   I may be able to help you.”


“Bring me four logs of the stoutest Oak, thick as a man’s arm.   A heavy length of twine,  spun from the finest hemp, and two human skulls,  from our bravest defeated enemies”.

And the Kilted Barefoot one worked through the night,  applying his sorcery…

it-viking-8Came dawn, the Barefoot one presented his work:

“Behold…I have strung the pieces of the broken Thinking-Machine bits along the twine, and have formed an abacus.    This will still allow you to calculate and count.   Perhaps not as quickly as before, but I promise you, the Blue Screen of Death shall torment you no more”.


“Crude, simple, but effective.   And still better than what we had before”, exclaimed the Elder.  “I thank you, O Kilted One.  We shall reward you well”.

And they did.

And the village was soon able to resume invading the Celts,  dividing their plunder, and counting their  Lute-Fisk.


Meat-Eaters versus Plant-Eaters

April 29, 2008

 CARNIVORE is to Tai-Bo as HERBIVORE is to Tai-chi.

CARNIVORE is to Bugs Bunny as HERBIVORE is to Mickey Mouse.

CARNIVORE is to denim and flannel as HERBIVORE is to Gor-Tex and Lycra.

CARNIVORE is to Baby Stewie is HERBIVORE is to Caillou.

CARNIVORE is to a bass boat as HERBIVORE is to a sea kayak. 

CARNIVORE is to a large cuppa coffee as HERBIVORE is to a Venti Cafe Latte. 

CARNIVORE is to Two and a Half Men as HERBIVORE is to Friends.

CARNIVORE is to an F-18 Hornet as HERBIVORE is to the Goodyear Blimp.

CARNIVORE is to growing crops as HERBIVORE is to planting a flower garden.

CARNIVORE is to the NFL Superbowl as HERBIVORE is to World Cup Soccer.

CARNIVORE is to Wonder Bread as HERBIVORE is to Multigrain cracked wheat.

CARNIVORE is to Karate lessons as HERBIVORE is to Yoga class.

CARNIVORE is to a Chevy truck as HERBIVORE is to a Toyota Yaris.

CARNIVORE is to downhill skiing as  HERBIVORE is to cross-country.

CARNIVORE is to Survivor as HERBIVORE is to Dancing with Stars.

CARNIVORE is to “All-You-Can-Eat” as HERBIVORE is to Nouvelle Cuisine.

CARNIVORE is to a Rottie as HERBIVORE is to anything resemblnig a poodle.

CARNIVORE is to Dubya as HERBIVORE is to Ralph Nader.

CARNIVORE is to Stephen Harper as HERBIVORE is to Jack Layton.

CARNIVORE is to Ah-Nold movies as HERBIVORE is to Chick Flicks.

CARNIVORE is to Myth Busters as HERBIVORE is to Daily Planet.

CARNIVORE is to AM talk radio as HERBIVORE is to NPR.

CARNIVORE is to Dr. Laura as HERBIVORE is to Oprah.

CARNIVORE is to bench-pressing as HERBIVORE is to using a Thigh Master.

CARNIVORE is to ice cream as HERBIVORE is to frozen yogurt.


CARNIVORE is to a Viking as HERBIVORE is to a Middle Manager.