Friar’s Least Popular Baptism Names for New-Borns
I would love to see these on a birth certificate… 🙂
Clontarf
Spalpeen
Bendix
Chuck Nuts
Spatula
Boson
Plevna
Finster
Bogus McGee
Mucus-Fungus-Puke
Aphasia
Accident
Toaster Oven
Benzene
Retardo-saurus Rex
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Tags: baptism names, children's names, humor, unpopular kids names
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The Deep Friar 
July 1, 2008 at 2:54 am
Friar, in the US you might see these names on a birth certificate! LOL!
July 1, 2008 at 3:56 am
@Karen
Really. Ummm….what States? 🙂
Well, I must admit…I stole “Spatula” from reading a newspaper story about Quebec. Someone actually wanted to call their kids “Spatule” in french.
But the govt. didnt’ accept it on the Baptism Certificate.
July 1, 2008 at 8:21 am
Hmm, Boson would be a cool name. Or Higgs-Boson. I could name a kid Higgs-Boson and than go to the world best physicists. The nobel prize would be mine 🙂
Sucks, I don’t have any kids to name.
July 1, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Accident?! ahahaha! Oh you KNOW how many kids have that unofficial name! My own hubby’s middle name is Oops! (Okay, not really, but it’s funny. And I’m happy about that accident.)
I could see Aphasia being a name, actually, and I love Finster. The Finster…
July 1, 2008 at 3:00 pm
@Martin
Boson is one of my favorite words. My mission is to incorporate it more into the English Language (outside of quantum physics!)
@Steph
We used to call my brother Finster (much to his dismay). I guess that’s what older siblings do… 🙂
July 1, 2008 at 7:17 pm
Friar,
Your poor brother. Spalpeen and Finster? He’d fit right in here, though, since we don’t know how bad your real name is…
Steph stole all my Accident comments. LOL. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if someone has done it, though.
My ex is a schoolteacher, he heard perfectly awful names some years. One kid and his brother in another class were named after diseases, though right now I can’t remember what the names were. Something like Staphl Ococcus and Strept Ococcus. Whatever it was, I didn’t believe him until he brought the class lists home. Then there was poor Sharona, who all the teachers stared at extra ‘cuz every time they said her name the song went through their heads…
Now trying to remember the disease names is going to plague me all day.
Neat how your brain works, as always.
Regards,
Kelly
July 1, 2008 at 9:59 pm
Yeah…my poor brother. I teased him a lot…that’s what older brother’s did. But now that I’m older I feel bad about it.
Can’t believe all those bad names on your friends class list. Once again, truth is stranger the the demented posts that I come up with!
July 2, 2008 at 12:36 am
Mustard seed.
July 2, 2008 at 1:37 am
Tweety is an alien.
July 2, 2008 at 2:22 am
I knew one boy years back named “Sir-Isaac” (first name). Parents would get angry if you referred to him as “Isaac”.
@Steph, my dad could have been “Accident”, too. My grandmother had already given away the crib. The nickname that stuck, though (early on) was “Walking Stick”. The joke was that my grandmother was too proud to carry a cane so she had another baby — he’d be the right height to lean on when she was “old”. 🙂
@Friar, it’s not just “what older brothers” did — older sisters got their fair share, too. You want to feel bad about a nickname? Try ‘Dopted. That’s what middle brother and I called baby bro’. The two of us often passed for twins (darn my height!), but baby had lighter skin and eyes.
He wasn’t really adopted, but the tears were funny…at the time.
July 2, 2008 at 2:55 am
I’m partial to Walter Mellon
That ought to make the kid’s life a living hell.
July 2, 2008 at 2:56 am
@Ellen
You’re on the right track….always good to name kids after a condiment!
(As for Tweety being E.T…well, that would actually explain a lot).
@April
Oh No..!!! You and I definitely are too much alike! I pulled the adopted routine on my kid brother too! (His eyes were slightly darker than mine and my sister’s!)
One time my Mom actually played along, and told him she “loved him as if he were her own”. Poor guy…she only did this for 5 seconds, though, before assuring him me and my sister were just being little shits.
July 2, 2008 at 2:57 am
@Captain
Walter Mellon. I approve!!
(It certainly would build character, though…just like in Johnny Cash’s song “A Boy named Sue”).
July 2, 2008 at 3:28 am
Oh dear… there is a tennis player whose baby is named Camera. The whole naming a child after inanimate objects thing is just too weird to me. Blanket, Apple, Satchel. I feel sorry for children of celebrities, which seems to be where the trend is, and anyone else with parents so foolish.
Sure, there were three of me and four Jennifers in my sixth grade class, and I considered changing my name to Link for a bit (BIG ZELDA FAN), but I feel better now. 😉
Glad to hear Friar is not your real name…
July 2, 2008 at 3:35 am
@Amy
When I quickly wrote this post, I was just joking around. But all these real-life examples are coming out, that are just as ridiculous as my fictitious list.
Nothing like traumatizing a kid for life by giving him a retarded name. Great job, parents.
No, Friar is not my real name. It’s one of the more recent nicknames I’ve had. I’ve had many.
July 2, 2008 at 11:38 am
Friar,
If you whisper your real name right here I promise I won’t tell anyone… 🙂
Darn bloggers with no faces and no names. Drive me batty.
Don’t you know curiosity killed the Capricorn?
Later,
Kelly
July 2, 2008 at 2:21 pm
@Kelly
Well, I’m just a shy-retiring Friar…that’s all 🙂
July 2, 2008 at 8:17 pm
His name is Montmarte Jacquees. Isn’t that how you spell Jackies?
July 2, 2008 at 8:52 pm
@Ellen
Remember that Bugs Bunny Cartoon? When Black Jacques Shellaque was trying to blow up Bugs’ dam?
“Surely not THIS ONE…Jacques!?”.
July 7, 2008 at 11:08 pm
Hmmmmm. Very interesting. Yeah, probably not so popular. Though I do have a friend who named his daughter ‘Chance’ re the ‘Accident.’
October 13, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I have the best ones yet. I was going in for an eye appointment and I saw “100 best new baby names” on the front so I flipped open the magazine and there were the most awfu lnames I have ever seen:
1. Grease
2. Canyon
4. Squash
5. Wmffre ??
6. Grape
7. Stone
8.Truck
There we many more awful ones (I just can’t remember) including unisex ones.
One of my teacher’s kid’s name is DODGE.
My best friends swears on her life that there is an actual kid who went to were school whose name was Richard Condoms, nickname Dicky. That’s right DICKY CONDOMS.
Poor kid…
There’s a kid at my school named Lake Jasper and there’s a Candy Barr.
I also say poor kids.
May 11, 2009 at 2:37 pm
There was a burlesque star named Candy Barr and she is the extremely distant cousin of Gary Scharf, the victim of the mall shooting.
July 10, 2010 at 1:43 pm
There once a gentleman named Peter Hess Stone. His last two names (Hess Stone) is sounds like an obscene word in Greek.
February 13, 2011 at 5:40 pm
Lee Simonton’s middle name is Merlin, while his wife’s (Debra Elaine Meeks) middle name is Elaine! The names of those people are the same names of characters of King Arthur!
February 28, 2011 at 5:40 pm
The name Bagley had bad connotations:
The son of Jane Bagley (Lee Merlin Simonton) was shot dead by a gunshot wound, while Norman Wesley Bagley was killed in a drunk driving accident.