Science that I’m Ungrateful For

The Large Hadron Colider
When they got this thing up and running, some people were worried it would smash together subatomic particles with such force that it would create a black hole,  which could eventually swallow the entire earth.

AWESOME!!!   …How cool is THAT?

But as it turns out, this bajillion-dollar gizmo ran for about week, then glitched.  Now it’s been shut down for almost a year.

Borrrrr-ring …..Thanks for coming out.

….NEXT.

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The Triple Point of Water
Solid, liquid and gas.  All present at the same time.

Hmph.   NOT the best time to be outdoors.

If you don’t believe me, just go to the top of Mt. Trembant, Quebec, in January.

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Dark Energy
This mysterious force is pushing our universe apart.  We still dont’ know what it is.

But if things keep up the way they are,  eventually all the galaxy clusters will spread out and never see each other again.   Stars will die off, and the Universe will ultimately become a cold, dark lonely place.

Forever.

Boy.  Talk about a Buzz-Kill.

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String Theory
According to some Egg-heads, everything we see is made up of tiny 10-dimensional vibrating strings.   Only they’re curled up inside sub-atomic particles, and are so small, that we can’t see them.

Yeahhhh, right.

Hey, I got a theory too.    Neutrinos have little Vikings inside them that like to have sword fights.   Every time their weapons clash, a photon is emitted.

Prove to me that my idea isn’t’ just as valid…..

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Friction
Friction, you’re the reason I scrape my knee when I fall.

You’re why I need to change the oil in my car.

And why we can never have perpetual-motion toys.

Jerk.

But then again, if you didnt’ exist, I woudlnt’ be able to sit down my chair right now and type this.

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Jupiter’s Rings
Bet you forgot . But Jupiter has rings.

But they’re so lame-ass,  only the best telescopes can see them.   In fact, they didn’t even get discovered until 1979 by the Voyageur I space probe.

Hey, Jupiter, nice ANNULUS.

What did you do?   Borrow Saturn’s hand-me-downs?

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Astatine
This is one of the rarest naturally-occurring elements.  Less than one ounce is present in the entire earths’ crust.

Sorry, but in MY books, that doesn’t consist of a real element….ASS-tatine!

Same thing applies for you, Francium.  Not to mention all those other short-lived trans-uranic elements with half-lives in the microseconds.

Why don’ you guys just get the hell off the Periodical Table, and make room for elements that DESERVE to be there.

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Nano-Kelvins
Perfect Absolute Zero is impossible to obtain.

But in the lab, they did manage to come within 0.0000000001 degrees of it.

But…um…what’s with that “1”, after all those “0”‘s?

Just WHO does he think he IS?

I don’t care what anyone says, I’m calling this one ZERO.

(Close enough, for crying out loud!)

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Singularities
You know which singularies I’m talking about:

The ones you find in the middle of  black hole, where the gravity is so strong,  whatever mass there is collapses into zero volume.

I’m sorry, but that’s just WRONG.

(It just messes with my head!)

Singularities, nobody likes you!

Especially quantum physicists.

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