Viking Warehouse Clearance Sale!

VIKING DONUTS

Are you Norseman enough to eat these?   Comes in three flavours:  Armour-plated, Spiked-Mace Crûller, and Molten-Lead Filled (with sprinkles).

Price:   5 bronze pieces a dozen.

a

WEEK-OLD COD

Perfect for a low-budget nutritious meal.   Or for smacking negligent husbands with.

Price:   1 silver piece

a

ASSORTED THRALLS

Our stockade is filled with these surplus captives, left over from our last conquest.   Great for helping out with the household chores or yard work.

Price:  5 guilders each, or an equivalent livestock animal in barter.

a

BOOTS OF MEAT

HYARGGHH!  Is there nothing more tough, more Viking-like, than boots made of RAW MEAT?  

 Will keep your feet warm, or feed you in a pinch, should you become lost at sea.

Price:   25 Kröners.
Aa

HOME FIRST AID KIT 


Why barter a months’ worth of plundering to the Village Elder to cure your battle wounds, when you can do it yourself?  Comes with a rusty amputation saw,  tar to cauterize the bloody stump, and a small cauldron to boil the tar in.

Price:   15 Kröners 

a

NOVELTY RUBBER SWORD

Imagine the look on your comrade-in-arms’ face, when he’s fighting to the death, and you slip him this useless weapon.  You’ll be the life of the party and your clansmen will laugh “Hyärgen Hyärgen Hyärgen” all the way to Valhalla.

Price:   10 bronze pieces.  Or a real sword, in exchange.
a

EAU DE LUTEFISK

Enhance your delicate feminine aroma with this delightful perfume made of codfish soaked in brine and lye.   Your man will barely be able to contain himself, or his lunch.

Price:  3 Sheep, and a goat.  

a

DUAL SKULL DRINKING HELMET 
  

What better way to attend your favorite pillaging event, while enjoying the beverage of your choice drunken out of the skulls of your fallen enemies?

Price:   5 Kröners. (Mead not included).

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: Those Vikings...

6 Comments on “Viking Warehouse Clearance Sale!”

  1. Eyeteaguy Says:

    Damn I love your Viking posts.

    Isn’t it time you posted some lame ass paintings I can make fun of?

    Eyeteaguy

  2. Brett Legree Says:

    I have a helmet like that.

  3. Brett Legree Says:

    *chirp, chirp*

    Looks like everyone ate the Molten Lead-Filled donuts, and they’ve all died and gone to Valhalla.

    Oh well, more mead for us.

  4. Friar Says:

    @Eyeteaguy
    Well, I’m glad at least YOU (and possibly Brett) enjoyed this post.

    Crickets chirping today. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say nobody wanted to read this stuff.

    @Brett
    I think I should have written about something else. Mabye Tips on how to simplify your life. Or mabye some motivational advice.

    Either that, or a post about lame-ass dead fish. That’s always good for a long comment thread.

  5. XUP Says:

    You should have brought this stuff to the Great Glebe Garage Sale this past weekend. It would have fit in well with some of the other never-before-seen stuff people were selling.

  6. Friar Says:

    @XUP

    Garage sales. Ugh. Som much useless crap. (Unlike armor-plated donuts or stale fish…)


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: