Vikings Versus Ninjas
In the final match of the Pan-Asian-Nordic Warrior games, it was the Vikings versus the Ninjas.
“Try to keep the kills clean”, said the referee, “…and no disemboweling below the belt.”.
The Ninjas started out with their fiercest battle poses, in the attempt to intimidate their enemy.
This did little to impress the Vikings, however.
“Hyårgen! Hyårgen! Hyårgen! “, they laughed. “What are these grown men, in pajamas?”
“So, you MOCK us?”, cried the Ninjas. “Then taste our Stars of Death!”
“Oboy…cookies!”, said Thrull.
“Idiot! Don’t EAT them!” scolded Clöst Æfröck.
“Okay, my turn to play!”, said Thrull, and he proceeded to pile onto the Ninjas.
The air literally clapped with Viking Thunder, as he broke wind on his unfortunate foes.
“Foul!”, cried the referee.
“It sure is!”, laughed the Vikings.
At this point, the Ninjas started to anger.
“Feel the full force of our wrath!”, they cried, and set themselves upon the Vikings with their full force.
“Oh, Goody! They’re attacking!”, observed the Berserker.
“Do we get to fight for real now? “, asked Olaf ThunderFrö4ck.
“Yes, but lads, please try to show some decorum, shall we?”, said Clöst. “Let’s not expel any more bodily gases, if we can help it.”
a
The final battle was brief, but intense.
When all was said and done, it was clear who the victors were.
“The Pan-Asian Nordic Champions of the World are…The VIKINGS”, declared the referree.
The Ninjas were devastated, especially the Lead Ninja.
“This sword was in my family for six centuries….handed down from father to son. And you…you BROKE it with your horrid walking stick”.
“We have dishonored ourselves and our ancestors. We must committ sepuku!”
“Awww…come on….don’t be like that. Why dont’ you join us in our victory feast instead?”, the Berserker asked.
And so they did.
“This food…it’s so GOOD”, said the Ninjas. “It’s a lot richer than the meager fare we’re used to”.
“You were worthy foes” said Olaf. “You’re just a little underweight for these type of battles”.
“Yes”, agreed Olaf. “Rice and fish is fine. But try to eat more mutton, porc, chicken and beef, as we Vikings do, and you’ll fill out nicely.
“This time next year, who knows? Maybe you’ll be the ones massacring US!”.
Tags: humor, original cartoons, SEO Ninjas, vikings
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The Deep Friar 
April 15, 2010 at 12:49 am
Anything where Vikings fart on ninjas is pure win. ‘clapped with viking thunder’ = awsome
April 15, 2010 at 2:26 am
Nice.
Just saw this the other day: Viking vs. Samurai
April 15, 2010 at 8:49 am
You know… you have just proven that Chuck Norris is a Viking.
Let me elaborate:
1. Chuck Norris cannot be defeated by anyone, anywhere, anytime – even God.
2. Chuck Norris has at various times played a ninja in martial arts movies.
3. Your Vikings defeated the ninjas, I will assume that the ninjas sent their very best, knowing they were up against Vikings.
4. Therefore, Chuck Norris is really a Viking, not a ninja, or else the ninjas would not have been defeated.
(Disclaimer: Chuck Norris is The Actor. Not “an actor”, but The Actor, and as The Actor, he will have you believe that he is a ninja, when in fact he is a Viking. But really he is the original Viking. So that probably makes him Odin.)
April 15, 2010 at 9:37 am
Alls well that ends well. Oh well.
April 15, 2010 at 10:19 am
@Viking Thunder
You can never go wrong with a good fart joke! And the Vikings knew this!
@Deb
I started watching that…but then I had to go to work. Can’t wait to see how it turns out.
@Brett
Also, do you know what’s under Chuck Norris’ beard? …A fist! (I learned that on Family Guy).
@Eyeteaguy
Kind of like Asterix Comics. (Which I am not ashamed to admit, have had a huge influence on my cartooning and stories).
April 15, 2010 at 1:17 pm
@ Friar
Indeed! Now those Ninjas know it as well! Pitty for them they had to get a face full of it before they learned thier lesson 😀
From now on, when i execute a particularly manly fart, I will honor those rascalous vikings by calling it “viking thunder’ 😀
April 15, 2010 at 11:03 pm
@Viking Thunder
Manly farts are always welcome here at the Deep Friar.
In fact, depending how the comment thread goes, they’re often ENCOURAGED. 😉
April 16, 2010 at 2:08 pm
What’s that sound? Oh yeah. Crickets.
I get more comments than you now!
April 16, 2010 at 3:47 pm
@Eyeteaguy
Yeah…I dunno what’s up with that.
Nobody seems interested in reading original stories and cartoons anymore. Instead, it’s all about self-help, and discussing your feelings and group hugs.
Either that, or it’s quoting something somebody else said. Or recommending the “nth” life-changing book that somebody else wrote.
I think I must be losing my touch, or something.
Perhaps the Deep Friar has peaked…and has run its course.
April 16, 2010 at 4:29 pm
I don’t think it’s you at all. Comments, like Elvis, have left the building. And in fact, I’m going to write about that right now.
How about Viking Self Help? It would be very short, because Vikings don’t need self help. They help themselves. To anything. 🙂
April 16, 2010 at 5:18 pm
You cant have ‘run your course’; I only just found this place. Beside, if you have peaked, you still have a long trek back down the mountian to look forward too!
Beside, the Pan-Asian Games are far from over. I demand to see Viking Figure Skating. I want to see Thrull preform a 3 turn salchow into a reverse truck axel and land with a toeless lutz. . . . google it!
April 16, 2010 at 5:21 pm
@Viking Thunder: With a goat! Can’t forget the goat.
@Friar: VT is right, you haven’t run your course, you’re ahead of your time. Vikings are way popular now. Do you get the credit card commercials up there with the Vikings in it? What about the Dragon movie? Dude, you’re on the cutting edge!
April 16, 2010 at 5:27 pm
Here you go: Visigoth Ski Vacation
April 16, 2010 at 7:08 pm
@Viking Thunder
Oh, but I did have the Vikings figure skate…a few months ago. With their own version of the Olympics.
@Deb
No…I haven’t seen that commercial yet. That was AWESOME!!! 🙂 Thanks for the link.
But I do want to check out that Viking movie.
April 16, 2010 at 9:10 pm
I like how you neatly wove the advocacy of consuming saturated fats into your seemingly simple tale of battle.
April 16, 2010 at 9:15 pm
@XUP
Well….if any one group of warriors was gonna conquer half of Europe…it wasn’t going to be vegetarians! 😉
Though I admit, I’m also taking a mild pot-shot at these self-labeled “SEO Ninjas”…(Whatever the &#* THAT means!)
April 16, 2010 at 9:42 pm
You really should introduce a Vegan Viking character! He would advocate tofu, bean curd, weat grass, and soy! What would Mutton be if it was tofu.. Turkey is Tofukey.. so.. Mutofon? Tofutton?
April 16, 2010 at 10:05 pm
@VT: Mufu
April 16, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Uhhhh….I dunno.
I wouldn’t hold my breath, waiting for a Vegan Viking.
I don’t’ think the Village Elders would allow it.
April 17, 2010 at 7:44 pm
So now who’s been all judgey about what other people eat? If you don’t want people to berate you for eating baconators, you can’t berate people for not wanting to eat meat. Also you’re propogating a stereotype of weak, lifeless vegetarians. Being vegetarian doesn’t automatically mean you have no energy and can’t kill Vikings just like the next guy. I’m pretty sure I could kill a Viking if I had to..maybe not with brute strength, but with agile cunning. But that’s not because I’m a veg, but because I’m a girl and only have so much brute strength to begin with. So there!
April 17, 2010 at 7:48 pm
@XUP: Don’t forget that a good sniper position and an M1 Garand couldn’t hurt your chances either. Then again, after watching Viking vs. Samurai, I’d say some Japanese forged steel would work just as well. Either or. Both work fine for me. 😉
April 17, 2010 at 8:03 pm
@XUP
I agree…if you want to kill a Viking…they’ll have you beat in the brute force department, for sure. The only way to defeat them would be to out-smart them.
With today’s technology, perhaps.
Though I suspect that vegatarians did not thrive in Nordic climates in medieval times.
April 17, 2010 at 8:07 pm
@Deb
Snipers, and M1-Garands?
If you keep talking like this, I’m going to start wondering if you and Brett aren’t one and the same person! 😉
April 17, 2010 at 8:20 pm
@Friar: Oh yes, I am well versed in the art of weaponry and firearms. 😉
As for me and Brett being the same person, all I can say is my Pen name days are over. And you know what? I don’t miss’em.
April 17, 2010 at 8:35 pm
@Deb
Well, it’s not like Brett and I haven’t also been accused of being a single entity.
The only one can claim to seeing us together in a room at the same time is @Eyeteaguy. (And you know how much you can trust HIM!)
April 17, 2010 at 10:21 pm
Being the fore most expert in Vikanology (currently sitting at my desk, anyway) It has always been my assmption that in the 1100’s to about the 1600, food was pretty scares. If all you could grow was rootebegas, thats what you ate. If you lived in say, Japan, and had lots of fish and rice, thats pretty much your option.
The Vikings just had the benefit of enjoying a wide pallet of meats, because they went to great lengths to pillage the good meats 😀
April 17, 2010 at 10:33 pm
@Viking Thunder
And when it’s minus 40, you need more than just veggies to survive, you need animal fat.
I’ve been to the Yukon and Alaska, and that’s what the locals say. I’ve even met vegetarians who moved up there, but had to quit and go back to meat, for those reasons.
But I think the 1100’s to 1600’s must have been a shitty time to be alive, period.
April 17, 2010 at 10:52 pm
We here of the Modern Age have the benefit of romanticizing the dark ages. Though it might be fun to think that Pirates and Vikings and Ninjas were swarthy rugged stealthy sex symbols (Google “(Viking/Pirate) Romance Novel” and take alook at all the covers, there hillarious)
When in reality, it was a long line of constnatly worse smelling people, scurvey, and dying at age 30
April 18, 2010 at 11:20 am
@Viking Thunder
YEAH, in those days, you could die from something as stupid as an absessed tooth.
I read that it was only by the late 1800’s, that there was a statistical benefit of seeing a doctor.
Meaning, that before then, if you saw a doctor, or if did NOTHING, you’d have an equal chance of getting better.
April 19, 2010 at 1:44 am
@ Friar
Indeed! Lucky for us we can still live in a world where Vikings going to Doctors is a more hillarious affair 😀
April 22, 2010 at 9:45 am
That was very interesting (and funny) DF! I like your blog. I knew that you were witty of FB but didn’t know how witty you were at writing a blog.
I’ll be back!
April 22, 2010 at 6:56 pm
@TP Barbie
Yes…Vikings figure very prominently, over here.
Glad you popped by. Come back any time!
June 24, 2010 at 12:13 am
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