Archive for January 2012

Yet More Examples of On-Line Dating Ads That Make Me Thank My Lucky Stars that I’m Still Single.

January 25, 2012

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“I WANT HIM TO BE MY BESTFRIEND AND MY LIFETIME PARTNER.NO HIDING SECRETS AND WANT HIM TO BE HONEST AND SO DO I AND I WANT HIM FOR SURE FROM THE PLACE I LIKE BASICALLY FROM OREGON. HOPE TO MEET YOU SOON….I am waiting for you…..”

Okay…okay!  We get it.

YOU WANT HIM !!!!

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“Find the poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer: The Invitation ….. it gives me peace and breath – If you cannot find it .. ask me .. I will be happy to send it to you 🙂 “

Umm…no.

That’s okay. I”ll pass.

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“LOVETOLAUGH6999”

Er…interesting choice of numbers.

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“I LIKE BEING ADVENTOURIS,AND LIKE TRYING NEW THINGS AND SEEING NEW THINGS.”

I like your capitals.

I like that you like new things.

And I like your very original spelling of “adventurous”.

I must admit, in all my years, I’ve never seen it written that way.

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You really gotta love the ads where they include photos of their tats.

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“I’m not into head games or drama, so please move on to the next profile if you are! “

Damn! You caught on to me….!

Because that’s what us guys do…

We go out of our way to sign up for on-line dating sites and answer ads, just to deliberately play head games with the ladies, so we can make BOTH our lives miserable.

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“I’m most grateful for the relationship I had with my step father and the time I had with him before he died. “

Just wondering…WHY would this be the FIRST SENTENCE you’d write in your dating ad?

Carry baggage, much?

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“I’m intelligent, self-aware…”

Oh, Great.

A date with SKY-NET.

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“I don’t like to play mind-game. I believes that people who is game player like to play game. It is Out of Respect to the person.”

Uh…yes. People who “is game player” usually like to play games.

By definition.

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“Life and love can be pretty overwhelming but you don’t scare easily. Instead, at those times, you look to the Lord and realize that, “(He has) not given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and of love and of a sound mind.” Most importantly, you MUST have a genuine relationship with Christ – not just one you talk about, but one that you live and can share with anyone, especially with me. “

Wow…when you already start preaching that much in your dating ad, I can just imagine how much fun you’d be in real life.

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“I enjoy learning about different cultures;whether it be in historical literature or travelling to different countries, viewing the ancient architecture and discovering my own insignificance in the grand scheme. “

Well, you go on to learn about ancient architecture and your own insignificance.

In the grand scheme, I’m going to choose to ignore your ad.

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“About him: …He is a family man and sees his unborn children in my eyes… “

Lady, I don’t see ANY unborn children in ANYONE’s eyes, just yet.

At least, not before the first date.

And probably not the 2nd or 3rd either….

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“I have Cats. I like Dogs, Horses. I own 1 cat who is 19 yrs and has kidney disease. “

Boggles my mind, why they’d enter that last comment about their sick cat.

Unless they’re also trying to attract cat-haters…

…to let them know that Kitty will be gone soon.

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“Mixed media artist. I work in a stimulating and creative environment and embrace with ingenuity and courage the eye opening practicalities of life. “

“Ingenuity” and “courage” ?

Geezus, get OVER yourself, lady.

I’m a bit of an artist too.

But mainly, because I like to paint.

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“I accept other people and their ways of thinking and believing because no one person truly changes. I am open to listening to new and different ideas, or at least to take it in and if not, I’ll let it go. I am neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle. Also known as easy going, independant, and open to what the future has to offer. “

I neither like nor hate this ad.

Or maybe not.

It all depends, on what the future has to offer.

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“Friendly respect thoughtful love to laugh honest understanding caring trustworthy one man woman love nature Love God and a hard working woman. looking for a serious relationship and shared the same quality that leads to marriage if all goes well.”

I always get thrown off when they have to mention God, within the first couple of sentences.

I’m not trying to be saved at this moment.

I’m just looking for a first date.

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“The simplest way I can describe my outlook on life is by sharing my favourite quote….. Life is not measured by the breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away. “

Oh, for crying out loud. Stop relying on quotes from dead people.

Take the time to describe yourself in your own words.

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“He has depth, and a great sense of humor. Someone who is honest and keeps it real, no games, no lies, no drama.”

I like how these ads constantly mention that they’re not into head games and lies and drama.

As if there are some people who enjoy this stuff.

Don’t forget to add: “I’m not into having a 10-inch spike nailed into my forehead, being bitten poisonous snakes, and being on fire”.

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“must be a gentle good hearted all the above well dressed smart love camping im a devoted person who i will with like the same thing or maybe a littke more than me im a honest type of preson like to try anything with reason at least once will try to do what the other person like”

Another English Major, here.

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“I’m a very affectioned, fun, loving, carin, honest person. I looking for a one on one, lasting relationship…my soul mate an friend…some one who can laugh together….communication is the key to a good relationship”

If this ad was from a new-comer to this country, I could almost excuse the poor English.

But, according to their profile, they were born and raised in Canada.

Wow.

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“If you are a big pet or animal person that might be OK but I should warn you I am not like that. I will respect your animal, because of course they are far more lovable than humans, but I probably won’t find your pet very interesting and that might annoy you over time. “

I’m already annoyed, and I don’t even own a pet.

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Okay.  You’re proud of your cleavage.

We GET it.

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“I am looking for a romantic at heart, a big old softie; I promise I won’t tell your guy friends, if you end up crying at a chick flick. :)”

Lady, if I would ever cry at a chick flick, it’s because I’d have just wasted 2 hours of my life that I’ll never get back. Not to mention having blown ten bucks.

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Viking New Years Resolutions

January 16, 2012

Teach your kids to play with something sharp.

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Remember, no Saxon can make you feel inferior, unless you allow it.

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Try a veggie

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Make a drakkar out of bacon, and sail it to Vinland.

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Take a bath once this year, whether you need it or not.

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Punch a unicorn.   Just because.

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